“Wait! What???” “Why this?” “Why here?” “Why now?”.

These are often questions that we ask ourselves when things don’t necessarily go our way. When life ceases to make sense we wonder what happened. What went wrong? If there’s anyone who knows what that feels like, it’s me!

I have lived in India my whole life. I was comfortable, satisfied and deeply content with where I was and what I was doing. I had a good job, a loving family and dear friends. I had no reason to move – except, I had no peace! I knew that God was calling me out of my comfort zone. When I said yes to coming to America, I gave God an ultimatum (not my smartest of moves). I told Him I’d give him 2 years and that’s it! But the more I waited on Him, the more He made it evident that my time in America was longer than 2 years. As someone who is part of a close knit family, accepting this was by far the hardest thing I’ve had to do. Since the time I came to the United States in 2013 to pursue higher education, I have come to realize that God never called us to a life of comfort. I felt like I was uprooted from everything familiar, holding on hastily for even a remote sense of identity! I had no friends, no family, and no community. I knew that I was exactly where I was supposed to be but it didn’t feel that way at all. Until, I came to the point of realizing that my identity is in Christ. He is my friend. He is my family. He is my community. He IS enough! 

Through these 3 years in America I’ve learned that getting comfortable means settling. When we settle, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we can’t bear fruit. And we are definitely called to bear fruit. Jesus says in John 15:5a – ‘I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit.’

While each of us has heard this verse several times, I don’t think we realize that growing is PAINFUL! It means stretching beyond what we are comfortable with. It means using muscles we didn’t use before. I think there is wisdom in saying that as Christians, we are constantly exercising our faith! 

There is a song that most of us are familiar with – ‘Oceans’. The bridge is very powerful. It goes like this –

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I’ve felt like my time in America was just that – Through times of unemployment, literal homelessness – living out of my car, loneliness, sheer disappointment and complete constant uncertainty, my trust in the Lord was being continuously stretched beyond borders. When I was offered a full time position with Operation Christmas Child as a National Spokesperson, for the first time in 3 years I felt like I could rest – I could catch a break; I could settle down; I could just be.

However, that feeling was very short lived. I learned on May 18, 2016 that my visa to stay in the United States did not come through. By this time next month, I will have wrapped up my life in America and moved back to India, where once again I will be standing face to face with the same questions I asked when I came to America – “Wait! What???” “Why this?” “Why here?” “Why now?” I will once again stand on the thresholds of unemployment, loneliness, disappointment and complete uncertainty! But having been stretched beyond my comfort, I know that it is time for me to exercise my faith. This means I will need to grow deeper in the Lord and I know that growing is going to hurt. It is going to be painful. I also know without a shadow of doubt that this pain is going to be worth it! Because, ‘We know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.’ Romans 8:28.

Even though I don’t know what my future holds,
I know WHO holds my future.
And for now, that is enough.

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!