One of the hardest things you can do is to watch your loved one suffer and be completely incapable of doing anything to help or make them feel better. That feeling of helplessness is … let’s just say I wouldn’t wish it on anyone!
Some of you know that about two and a half years ago, right after I returned from the United States, my dad was diagnosed with chronic kidney disease, and subsequently with kidney failure. For two years he’s been on dialysis and with dialysis comes nausea, constant fatigue, heavy food restrictions and low immunity.
Recently though, something worse took over his body — He developed acute sepsis, or what is also called, “Blood Poisoning.” And yes, the condition is in fact, as scary as the name. I’ve seen my dad have medical emergencies before but nothing came remotely close to what he had now developed. It seemed like he had one foot in the grave. What made this situation worse for me was the fact that at the time, I was in Delhi for work. As soon as I found out though, I took the first available flight back to Hyderabad. At the baggage carousel, I was trying to give myself a pep talk because I didn’t know what to expect when I see my dad. While a billion different thoughts filled my head, a song played in my mind’s background — Yes, I hum in my thoughts as well! The lyrics of the song I was subconsciously humming went like this –
After all You are constant
After all You are only good
After all You are sovereign
Not for a moment did You forsake me!
The song was absolutely right. The Lord has never forsaken me in the past. Not even for a moment. There was no way He was going to forsake me now. I consciously chose to shift my focus from the uncertainty of this circumstance to the certainty of my faithful God. So, while my dad was busy taking a walk in the “Woods” I decided to look for God’s hand in such painful events. Surely, His presence was with me. But could I see it? Was I willing to open my eyes to His grace that followed us through the woods?
Nervously I entered the ICU, not knowing what to expect. As I walked to my dad’s bedside, I saw him stare into infinity, until, his gaze locked on me and his face beamed! Grace.
Words didn’t come out of his mouth and I doubt he remembered my name. But he recognized me! Grace.
My brother-in-law could catch the infection in time and make arrangements at the hospital for his treatment. Grace.
The antibiotics that were administered to him worked in his body. Grace.
The cardiologist caught an irregularity in his heartbeat and began medications. Grace.
The nephrologist was able to identify a problem with his current dialysis arrangement and also come up with a plan. Grace.
With all my crazy travels, I was in India when this happened and I could be by my dad’s side within no time. Grace.
Against all odds, to the doctors’ amazement, my dad made a full recovery. Grace.
Financial arrangements were made to take care of all medical expenses even without insurance. Grace.
Over these past two and half years, from doctors appointments to tests to diagnosis to treatment to follow up to medical emergencies, the Lord allowed my sister and me to stand by my dad. Grace.
My dad still has the many complications that come with the terminal illness of kidney failure and not one of them has miraculously gone away. But whoever said that grace was only found in healing? From stroke, to bypass, to kidney biopsy, to several middle-of-the-night runs to the ER, to dialysis, to pacemaker installation, to sepsis/blood poisoning, and now to a failed fistula, my dad has been through a lot. But the way I look at it, he could only go through it and be the fighter that he is, because of grace and grace alone.
Why do we or our loved ones – Parents, children, siblings, spouses – go through pain and suffering? I don’t know. Why does healing come to some and not to others? I don’t know. Will it ever get easier? I don’t know. But this I do know – “T’was grace that brought us safe thus far, and grace will lead us home.”
If this entire ordeal has taught me anything, it is this — God is exactly who He says He is: Provider, Healer, Protector, Restorer — Even when my circumstance dictates otherwise. And for such circumstances, He says but one thing — “My grace is sufficient for you!”
In closing I must say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord.
People… they come in all shapes and sizes. They play so many different roles in our lives. Some of them make a difference, while others leave a scar. Unfortunately, human as we are, we tend to focus so much on the ones who’ve hurt us, that we don’t give enough credit to the ones who don’t. We use the failures and disappointments caused by some, to judge the hearts of others. And yet, it is through these very people that God chooses to work in our lives. He offers providence through PEOPLE. When in need, PEOPLE come to help you. When you weep, PEOPLE come to comfort you. When you are in pain, PEOPLE help you through the healing process.
I lift my eyes up 