Just a girl in love with her Maker!
Living life abundantly - That's my motto! After all, we only live once! The nailed cross, the empty tomb, salvation and grace are my greatest realities.
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!
Recently, a few of us went over to our friend’s house to pray over her as she prepared for her second round of chemotherapy. My friend has stage four cancer — if you think of her, please take a moment to pray for her. There were six of us, each laying hands on her and taking turns to lift her up in prayer.
When it was my turn to pray, I remembered that the previous night, because of the steroids she was on, my friend had barely slept an hour. So along with praying that the chemo would do its work in her body, I asked the Lord to bless her with sleep as she sat in her chair receiving treatment. We blessed the Lord. We blessed our friend. Then off she went.
Later that evening, my friend texted me. She wrote:
“Also not gonna lie, when you prayed that I would be able to sleep during chemo, I thought you were a liiiittle bit crazy — but I actually did! Even with the steroids, the freezing pain, and the general discomfort, I actually fell asleep!!!! Thank you!!!!!”
I read her message a few dozen times, overwhelmed that God — the King of the universe, the King of kings and Lord of lords — heard my simple, almost naïve prayer for sleep.
You see, I had no idea what chemotherapy entailed. I didn’t know how uncomfortable it was. I didn’t know that the cold cap for her head and the frozen mittens for her hands and feet would cause her pain. A part of me wondered if I had been insensitive to pray that she might sleep through such discomfort.
But another part of me was deeply grateful — grateful that I didn’t know. Grateful that I didn’t understand. Because had I known, had I done my research and sought clarity, I probably wouldn’t have prayed for sleep. I would’ve thought it unreasonable — as if God didn’t care about the small, simple things, the desires of our hearts, however silly or “liiiittle bit crazy” they might seem.
And it made me wonder: is this why God doesn’t always let us see the full picture of our situations or our lives? Could clarity sometimes be a hindrance to faith?
What if clarity would cause us to pray only “reasonable” prayers — as though we do not serve a God who does the impossible? What if the unknown, the unclear, the uncertain, and the waiting are actually good — designed to build our faith, to keep us trusting and leaning on the Lord?
What if they teach us to pray boldly, to ask freely and without hesitation, like a child speaking to their Father?
What if the pursuit of certainty is redundant when our calling is to live by faith, not by sight?
And what if trusting the Lord with all our hearts — without leaning on our own understanding — also frees us from needing to understand at all?
Perhaps that’s not such a bad thing when the King Himself is in control.
Every so often, I start fresh in Genesis—journeying through the Bible from the very beginning. Each time I start over, something new speaks to me.
Recently, one verse has stayed with me:
Then Jacob awoke from his sleep and said, ‘Surely the Lord is in this place, and I did not know it.’ — Genesis 28:16
Let’s look at how Jacob came to that moment.
His mother Rebekah had convinced him to deceive his father Isaac by pretending to be his brother Esau to receive the blessing of the firstborn. This enraged Esau—Enough for him to want to kill Jacob. Fearing for Jacob’s life, Rebekah urged him to flee.
So Jacob ran—literally fleeing for his life—and ended up in the place he would later name Bethel. There, exhausted, afraid, perhaps traumatized and wrecked with guilt, Jacob lay his head on a rock. He was alone, uncertain of his future, completely out of control.
And yet—it was in that very place that God revealed Himself to Jacob in a dream. It was there that Jacob received a promise:
I am the Lord, the God of your father Abraham and the God of Isaac. The land on which you lie I will give to you and to your descendants. Your descendants will also be like the dust of the earth… and in you and in your descendants shall all the families of the earth be blessed… I am with you and will keep you wherever you go… I will not leave you until I have done what I promised you. — Genesis 28:13–15
When Jacob wakes up, he realizes something profound: God had been with him all along—he just hadn’t known it — Hadn’t perceived it.
Fast forward to the story of Joseph, Jacob’s son, recorded in Genesis 37–50. Joseph—his father’s beloved—was sold into slavery by his own brothers. Imagine how he must have felt: scared, betrayed, abandoned, wronged. The Bible doesn’t describe his emotions, but they’re not hard to imagine.
Yet the Bible tells us this: God was with Joseph.
This young man found favor in the eyes of the Egyptian commander and was put in charge of his household. Over the next several chapters, Joseph is wronged again and again—falsely accused, imprisoned, forgotten. And yet, the Bible repeats: God was with Joseph.
My life the past few years has been focused on humanitarian assistance, providing spiritual and physical aid to hurting people around the world in Jesus’ name. The people I serve have been victims of war, poverty, natural disasters, disease, and famine. They are in their current state through no fault of their own. These people have lost their homes, land, livelihoods—even loved ones. Their future is uncertain.
Their homes are gone, but their mortgages remain. Their cars are gone, but the payments persist. Their loved ones are gone, but they must endure.
They didn’t ask to be in this place. But here they are.
Some haven’t even begun to process the past, let alone imagine a future. And yet, in this place, shaped by a storm of some sorts that uprooted lives, God was there—and they weren’t even aware of it. God is there in the teams that show up to provide food, clean water, nutrition commodities, medical assistance, and even shelter; to share the love of Jesus.
So, what about you? What brought you to the place you find yourself in today? Do you see God in it? Are you aware of His presence?
Will you, like Jacob, say, “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I didn’t know it”?
Will you, like Joseph, trust that God is still with you?
Have you, like the people I get to serve, seen the Lord meet you at your point of need?
Will you let Him?
Regardless of how you got here—or how I got here—this is true:
God is in this place. And perhaps, that isn’t just enough—it’s everything.
Service this past Sunday was interesting. It was on singleness – Definitely not what I was expecting on Mother’s Day. However, it did get me thinking about my own journey of singleness.
I’ll admit it: talking about singleness makes me uncomfortable. Hearing someone else talk about it makes me cringe. But it shouldn’t. I’m not ashamed of it. So why do I treat it like a touchy subject?
A long time ago, I made a decision—to speak openly about the things I wished more people talked about. I know there are many like me who are content in this season of life, yet still struggle from time to time. If that’s you, I want you to know: you are not alone. I see you. I feel you. I’m in the same boat. I often wonder if walking through this season of life would be easier if more people would talk about it. I think it would. Knowing you’re not alone always makes a difference.
I am 38yrs old.
When you’re my age, people stop asking the question most singles dread: “When are you getting married?” You’ve either been written off by others—or you’ve written yourself off. Maybe you’re surrounded by the narrative that you’re just not doing enough to be in the “right place” to meet someone.
There was a season when loved ones would say things like, “How are you ever going to meet someone if you’re in Africa, in the middle of nowhere? You’re doing yourself a disservice. You need to be where people can see you.” I know they meant well, and they said those things because they cared. But even with the best intentions, those words were still painful to hear.
Is walking in obedience to God’s call over my life, the reason I’m still single?
I have no doubt that God called me to missions. For a season, that meant South Sudan and Ethiopia. Today, it means the United States. If God had wanted, I could’ve met someone in the middle of a swamp. But I remained single—even among 1.3 billion people in India, where I lived until 2013.
Sunday’s sermon made some powerful points—ones that deeply resonated with me:
Singleness is a gift. It allows for undivided devotion to the Lord, the freedom to focus, space to grow, and the capacity to serve.
Your relationship status isn’t your identity.
Life doesn’t begin after marriage. You are living a full life now. I know I am.
Singleness is not a break from your purpose. If you’re not living out your purpose now, that’s a heart issue—not a relationship status issue.
Singleness is a sacred opportunity to spend time with the Lord—because He is enough.
I agreed with all the points, but I struggled a bit with the last one—specifically, “God is enough.” Then why do I still want more?
I love Jesus. My life revolves around Him. He is my sun, and I am all nine planets. I do not know a life apart from Him, and I don’t want one. But when someone says Jesus should be enough in my singleness, I feel a pang of sadness. Because despite loving Him with my whole heart, I still feel a deep longing for a partner.
The Lord and I have talked about this—often. And I want to share something He showed me that has helped me deeply:
The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:15, 17).
In Adam’s most intimate season with God, God saw that it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone. That’s worth noticing. Adam didn’t feel the need for a helper. He didn’t crave for it. He didn’t desire it. He didn’t ask for it. He had no reference point for loneliness. But God saw him. He saw that he was alone. And God decided Adam needed a helper—so He created Eve.
Why bring this up? Because it’s important to recognize that you can be content in the Lord and still desire a partner. The two can co-exist; By design they can co-exist. Learning this, recognizing this, and embracing this has been nothing short of freeing.
A few more thoughts I wish we talked about more often:
Embrace your singleness. Really enjoy it. Take care of yourself. Go on those trips you’ve saved in your reels. Don’t wait to live your life. I grew up hearing, “Do whatever you want after you’re married, with your husband.” I’m so glad I didn’t listen. I’ve traveled solo and with friends—and I have zero regrets.
Be the best aunt you can be. Your siblings’ and friends’ kids may have other aunties—but they are not you.
Celebrate others—but allow yourself to grieve. When younger friends and cousins get married, rejoice with them. But also acknowledge your own longing. That grief is real.
You don’t always have to be strong. On the hard days, let yourself feel it. Cry. Grieve. Eat ice cream straight from the carton. Your tears are not a betrayal of your faith. You can trust God and be sad. They are not mutually exclusive. Feel the down in the dumps, but don’t stay there.
Cherish your married friends. Don’t discount them just because you’re in different life stages. Be the third wheel if you must. A tuk-tuk has three wheels—and it’s fun!
Wrestle with the Lord. Lament. He’s not afraid of your tears or your questions. And if, like me, you don’t know what to ask—just sit in His presence and let the tears fall freely.
Trust Jesus with your desires. Even if they are never fulfilled, He is still trustworthy.
Don’t reason your way through your singleness:
“Did I do something to deserve this?” Oh friend—if we all got what we deserved… yikes.
“I must be unlovable or damaged.” How dare you! You are deeply loved—by friends, family, and above all, your Creator. Don’t disregard the love you have, because of a love you do not.
“Am I not good enough?” There is nothing “not enough” about you. You are more than enough.
“Maybe my standards are too high?” Choosing a life partner is second only to choosing to follow Christ. Don’t you dare apologize for having standards.
“Being single means I can’t have a family.” Ask your parents, siblings, and friends if they consider you family. You already belong.
“Life will be better when I’m married.” If you’re not fulfilled now, you won’t be fulfilled in marriage.
“God is holding out on me.” “He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all—how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?” (Romans 8:32)
“Single = Alone.” Are you isolating yourself? If not, you’re not alone.
“I need to look a certain way to be desirable.” That’s a lie I believed for too long. Surely if I lose just a few more lbs/kgs someone will notice me. What happens when you gain weight? Or age? Beauty fades, bodies change. You are fearfully and wonderfully made—Don’t ever forget that.
“It’s too late for me.” That’s what Abraham, Sarah, Zechariah, Elizabeth thought. But God…!!!
I have often prayed, as I am sure you have too: “Lord, if marriage is not Your plan for me, just tell me. Then I will know for sure, and I can move on with my life.”
I have come to realize that the pursuit of certainty is redundant when the calling is to live by faith and not by sight. What I see and understand is so very minute and miniscule in significance to all that I don’t see or understand. So, I have decided that I will embrace whatever the Lord has allowed for me to have right now, to be faithful to what He has placed in my hands. If the Lord is truly the Keeper of my heart, then it is His job to care for it, shield it, protect it, and entrust it to another.
There is a lot I do not know, but this I do know:
“As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15) Even if it is a house of one.
“Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain” (Psalm 127:1a) Let the Lord build. You chill. Travel. Spoil your nieces and nephews.
Today I leave South Sudan. I never thought I would pen down these words. Every international staff that comes here, knows this day will arrive. Now that it has arrived for me, I’m not entirely certain how to process it.
Traditional goodbye picture of Samaritan’s Purse South Sudan
It has been more than three and a half years of living in, and loving South Sudan. This nation, though devastatingly broken brought me incredible life, joy and laughter. I’ve made friendships that will last me a lifetime, and I get to call them family.
People often say to me, “How will you find love if you’re in a place like South Sudan?” Oh I wish they could see me now. I wish they could see that I did find love. I found love in the South Sudanese people, in the South Africans, Americans, Ugandans, Kenyans, Ethiopians, Nepalese, fellow Indians, Australians, Canadians, and Brits. I found love in the food distribution sites of Ajoung Thok and Yida. I found love at the rehabilitated borehole of Maiwut. I found love in the back of a shady canoe in the swamps of Mayendit. I found love in the crooked smile of a kid with a cleft lip and in the hen so lovingly offered by a beneficiary. I found love in the salute of our guard, in the “I know how Rachel likes her eggs” of our chef, in the “Kaif Rachel? Tamam?” of our housekeeping ladies. I found love in the life-giving hugs, numerous mugs of chai, coffee tastings, girls nights, therapy sessions, movie nights, cooking-up-a-storm nights, the many birthdays celebrations… the list can go on. I found love in friends that so quickly became family.
My time in South Sudan has been gut-wrenching, yet life-giving. I have grieved here and I have loved here. I have experienced loss and have experienced gain. I have seen beauty birth out of great pain – beauty from ashes. And in all of it, I know this with all my heart – God is in South Sudan. His hand of favor rests firmly upon this nation and upon its people.
This I know with all my heart, that God so loved South Sudan that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him, will have eternal life (John 3:16).
To anyone who says, “Rachel, there’s so much war and conflict and corruption here. How can you say God’s favor is on South Sudan?” To you I say from Romans 8:
He who did not spare His only Son, but delivered Him over for us all, will He not with Him, give us all good things? (Vs. 32). Who then will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or trouble, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? (Vs. 35). But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor demons, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing will be able to separate us from the C love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Vs. 37-39).
As I bid this beautiful nation adieu, my prayer for it is this: Our Father, who art in Heaven. Hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come. Your will be done in South Sudan, as it is in Heaven. Amen.
I was recently deboarding a plane, and there was a mama behind me, calling out directions, “Go! Go!” I looked around to see who she was talking to. And sure enough, about 2ft off the floor, was this little munchkin toddling about behind me. She was listening to the instruction her mama was giving her, and followed through as best as she could. The mama was struggling with her bags and didn’t have enough hands to hold the toddler. I decided to help, and offered my guiding hand to this little explorer. She clutched my hand, and we made our way out of the plane, and down the stairs to the buses. Mama and baby were to go to Nigeria, while I was on my way to South Sudan. “Come on, let’s go. This way!” mama called out to the little girl when it was time for us to part ways. They were headed to Abuja. I was not. Whether the little girl kicked and screamed, or smiled and laughed, THAT was the direction she had to go in – the one her mama was leading her in.
Over the past few months I been thinking a lot about direction, God’s leading, choices, and the impact of our choices on the prevailing of God’s will. My prayer has been this – Lord, if I have a choice in the direction my life is headed, where does, “the steps of a righteous man are ordered by God,” come into play? Are You directing my steps, or am I choosing them?
The year 2023 is going to be a year of change, of new beginnings. It’s going to be a fresh start, in a new location, serving a new people. It is as scary, as it is exciting. The choice I make, will determine whether I stay in South Sudan, or move to another country. What if it’s a location I don’t want to go to? How will I know that that choice is the right one?
I was texting a friend about the direction I think the Lord is leading me in. No sooner than I pressed ‘send,’ I received a call, and on the other side was my loving friend, asking me with genuine concern, “Rachel, what are you doing? Have you thought this through? You know you have a choice. God can use you just as well in a different direction.” Choice. I do have a choice.
From the time I asked myself that life defining question, “What is it that I’m doing that has any eternal gain?” my choices have been a series of denying myself and following Christ. Quitting a well-paying and stable job to pursue higher education at a time when I should’ve been home, starting a family and laying down roots; staying in the U.S. even when it didn’t seem like another job was on the horizon, trusting that He will provide; returning to India and feeling like I didn’t have the opportunity to lay down roots even though I desperately wanted to; coming to a conflict-ridden place like South Sudan; staying in this warzone for over three years; and now, heading to another disaster-stricken location.
The choices I have made have definitely not been in my best interest – at least in the way you and I understand it. But for the kingdom of heaven, they have been pivotal. God doesn’t need me to accomplish His purposes. I know this. And yet He calls out, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” My unequivocal response, a thousand times, is this – “Here I am Lord, send me” (Isaiah 6:8).
Yes, I have a choice. Therefore, I choose to say yes to any, and every opportunity He gives me to walk in obedience to Him, and in service to His people, wherever they may be – India, America, South Sudan, Timbuktu.
And when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left, your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it’ ~ Isaiah 30:21
In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
Today marks three years of my dad’s passing (How has it been that long?) but it still feels like he breathed his last just the other day. I think of him often, and I miss him in the little things. When he was ill, and he was ill for a long time, God showed me what unprecedented favor looks like in hard situations. He showed me how His peace can reign in scenarios that are chaotic, and make zero sense.
Over a span of 13yrs, my dad spent considerable time in the hospital for several reasons – Stroke, abyss, bypass surgery, broken clavicle, chronic kidney disease, hypoglycemia, pace maker installation, renal failure, and sepsis. You might ask me, “Rachel, why didn’t God spare your father this sickness?” I don’t know. But He did spare his life, over and over and over again.
The minute we talk of illness or sickness of any kind, the Christian community especially is notorious for associating it with an attack from the devil himself. As someone who has seen sickness up close and personal over the past few years, while caring for my dad, this is something I think about often and here are my thoughts and responses to questions I’ve asked myself –
Q. Does sickness come from the evil one? A. It is the consequence of sin that broke our perfect world.
Q. Does God allow sickness? A. I don’t know but I do know that God uses sickness to fulfill His purposes. In other words, suffering of any kind is not in vain. At least not while you are a child of God.
Q. How can a good God and Father watch as my loved one suffers? A. What makes me think that God is twiddling His thumbs while my loved one is suffering? If I don’t see it, does it mean God is not working?
Q. What did I do to deserve this? A. Ah friend! If we all got what we deserved, we’d be in a whole lot of trouble. Therefore, with confidence I can say, you did nothing. Sickness, along with every form of brokenness, is a consequence of sin.
Q. If “By His stripes I am healed”, how come I’m still suffering? A. I don’t know.
I can almost hear you say – Jeez Rachel! What is it that you do know?
This I know with all my heart – I’ve never had to face sickness – either mine, or that of a loved one, alone. Never. Not once. And I’m not referring to people – family, friends, loved ones. Sometimes they’re there. Sometimes they aren’t. But the Lord Himself, He’s been there every step of the way, all day, e’re day!
I’ve tasted sickness that’s both temporary and right now, and that which is chronic, and eventually leads to death. One is my own case and one is that of my dad. Do I wish that neither of us fell ill? Absolutely. But does that change the fact that God is/was/will be with us? Absolutely not! Does that change the fact that God is a God of healing? Absolutely not!
Here are some other things I do know –
But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities. Upon Him was the chastisement that brought us peace. And with His wounds, we are healed (Isaiah 53:5) If healing comes from God, then sickness cannot come from Him. After all, He cannot contradict Himself.
And the Lord said to Satan, “Behold he is in your hands, only spare his life” (Job 2:6). Does this story from Job indicate that God allows for us to go through sickness? May be. I’m not sure. But it also is proof that God knew exactly what was going on. Job’s condition was not a surprise to Him, and neither is yours. God didn’t abandon Job. Neither does He, you.
And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). How can God use sickness for my good? He can, and He does. In the midst of that difficulty, God’s goodness and faithfulness shines through, if you only try to see it. It’s right there.
As people watching our loved ones suffer, we question God’s presence, God’s favor, and even His goodness. But if we are able to look at things from the perspective of the one suffering, you will see grace. Unexplainable grace. That’s what I saw with my dad. Yes he suffered long and hard, but it was in that sickness that I could see how much he clung to the Lord, and to His finished work on the cross. Sure, there were days of immense sadness and hardship, but he clung to His grace, and so did we as his family – My grace is sufficient for you; He is close to the broken hearted, the contrite of heart, I will not despise; I will never leave you, nor forsake you; Do not be afraid for I am with you. I will help you. I will lift you up with My righteous right hand.
When my dad eventually passed away, his face reflected the peace that he felt in his heart, in his mind, and in his spirit. My dad was ready to meet his Maker, and I know without a shadow of doubt, that his Maker received him with arms wide open.
Christmas and I have a love-hate relationship. While it is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ, a time for family and loved ones to gather together, it is also the time when my dad went to be with his Lord. And while that makes me sad, I know that he is more alive today, than he was when he was on this earth. I look forward to the day when I will see him again. I have this confidence that because Jesus Christ is the resurrection and the life, anyone who – in this case, my dad – believes in Him, will also be raised to life.
As we celebrate Christmas this year, I’m thinking of all those people who have lost their loved ones so close to this season; of all those whose loved ones are still suffering, and of those who themselves are struggling. May this season be the comfort that you need, to realize and recognize, that Christmas is proof that there is an end to the brokenness. Christ Himself brings about wholeness. The silence will not last long, and the darkness will be lifted. And together with the angels we can say, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among people.”
For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him, will have everlasting life (John 3:16)
For a Child will be born to us, a Son will be given to us; and the government will rest on His shoulders; and His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6)
In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!
In less than three months, I would’ve completed three years of living in and loving South Sudan. Every ounce of service I’ve rendered to the people of this country has been worth it. Sure, living in a war-torn country has its pitfalls, but the calling has always been certain. It has always been sure. Until, around this time last year when I began praying about my next steps. South Sudan was never part of any of my plans, yet here I was. At the end of my first year in Juba, I asked the Lord if it was time for me to leave. His response was sure and certain – “Stay longer. Dig deeper.” So, during my second year in this young nation, that’s what I did. I dug deeper. Deeper in my job. Deeper in my relationships. Deeper in my personal growth. I became even more intentional with people, and that much more intentional with my job.
When you live in a country like South Sudan, life is unique. You have freedom, but your freedom is restricted. For example, all NGOs have a curfew – You must be back on your compound by 8pm. Also, you live on a compound. It is gated, fenced with barbwires, and has uniformed guards 24/7. As a woman, you have to exercise more caution – You can’t drive here. You can’t even go out for a walk by yourself. You must be escorted at all times. Sometimes, in the stillness of the night, you will randomly hear gunshots go off, with no explanation of why. After a certain time, locations like South Sudan begin to wear you out. It is easy to see why there is a quick turn over of aid-workers. So, at the end of two years of being here, I wasn’t out of line to once again ask the Lord if it was time for me to leave. After all, I had lived here for two full years. Without waiting for an answer, I started talking about wanting to leave with my leadership. I reached out to colleagues at our international head quarters to see if there were any openings outside of South Sudan. I knocked on every door I could find because I was convinced that two years here was long enough. I needed a change. Someone from our leadership asked me if I would stay longer, if I was offered a change here in South Sudan. I distinctly remember saying to him, “Saying yes to South Sudan, means I’m saying no to a lot of other things. I will have to think about it.” While I wasn’t entirely wrong in my statement, I only realized several months after that conversation that I was somehow convinced that if I wanted “more” out of my life, it could only happen when and if I left South Sudan, as if God was incapable of providing that “more” right here.
Over the past few days I’ve been reading the incredible story of Joseph that is recorded in the book of Genesis, chapters 37-50. Without going into too much detail, Joseph was the darling of his father, the apple of his eye. His brothers were jealous of the favoritism his dad showed him. Eventually they sell him off to a group of Egyptians, and he ends up in an Egyptian commander’s house as his slave. This is the very first in the story of Joseph where it says, “God was with Joseph.” This young boy finds favor in the eyes of the commander and is put in charge of his entire household. Because “God was with Joseph,” the commander and his household were blessed. Joseph is eventually falsely accused of making sexual advances toward the Commander’s wife, and is thrown into prison. The Bible says, “God was with Joseph.” He soon finds favor in the eyes of the Jailer, and he is put in charge of the entire prison. Long story short, Joseph makes his way up to being only next in command to Pharaoh, an eventuality that nobody could’ve possibly foreseen. What stands out to me in this, ‘rags to riches’ story, isn’t that Joseph went from rags, to riches, but that when he was in rags, “God was with Joseph.” In the lowest of lows, in the midst of captivity and slavery, in the hardest of hard places, “God was with Joseph.” For God to be with Joseph, Joseph didn’t have to be in another location. He didn’t have to be at a certain stage or season or phase in life. Wherever Joseph was, God met him there. God was with Joseph in the pit. God was with Joseph in the Commander’s house. God was with Joseph in the prison. God was with Joseph in Pharaoh’s house.
This morning in church we were singing the song “Goodness of God.” It’s one of my favorite songs and I’ve sung it so many times. Today however, the bridge hit me like a ton of bricks – “Your goodness is running after, it’s running after me.” I realized, without a shadow of doubt, that to experience God’s goodness, I didn’t have to leave South Sudan. I could experience it right here, just as I have over the past two years. What makes me think that God’s goodness is suddenly going to be withheld from me because I am entering year three? I know it seems foolish, and it is, but when feelings of being stuck and uncertain get in the way of your vision of who God is, and what He’s calling you to do, it is easy to get carried away. Please, don’t get me wrong. I’m not implying that living in a war-torn country is a cake-walk. It most definitely is not. Over the past few months I have wanted to desperately leave and make a run for it, and it was frustrating the daylights out of me that the Lord simply wouldn’t let me. It is true that saying “Yes” to South Sudan is definitely saying “No” to a lot of things, but I have to resonate with David’s words – “I will not offer to the Lord my God sacrifices that have cost me nothing.”
Yes, staying longer in South Sudan will cost me, but the cost of obedience is always worth it, whether I feel it or not, whether I see it or not. So, until it’s time to leave, I will stay. I will trust in the Lord with all of my heart, and I will not lean on my own understanding. In all of my ways I will acknowledge Him, and He will make my paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6).
You prepare a table before me, in the presence of my enemies. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life (Psalm 23: 5-6 bits and pieces).
Here’s four points that you should take back from this post:
Regardless of where you are, God is with you; Even if it doesn’t feel that way.
Surely, goodness and mercy will follow you all the days of your life.
God is faithful. He always has been. He always will be. He is trustworthy. He will not let you down.
If God’s making you wait, He has good reason for it; Even if He won’t share the reason with you.
When darkness seems to hide His face I’ll rest on His unchanging grace Through every high and stormy gale My anchor holds within the veil.
On Christ the solid rock I stand All other ground is sinking sand. All other ground is sinking sand.
In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord.
I grew up in a country that puts a lot of pressure and importance on academia. By the time you reach 10th grade, you should already know what your career path would be – Often times it is medicine or engineering. The “Arts” were considered an area for the not-so-bright science rejects. So imagine my family’s disappointment when I decided I did not want to pursue any of the “bright” subjects, especially because I was a very bright child. “At the very least, do computers or finance,” my dad pleaded. If you knew me, you’d know how terrible I would’ve been in any of those careers. I mean, can you see me crunching numbers? My Math teacher in class 10 said she’d be impressed if I even just barely made a passing grade. Joke’s on her – I scored 92/100. What does this piece of information have to do with this post? Nothing at all. I just wanted to talk about my excellent score 🙂
I love my dad, and he loved me dearly but boy did we not see eye to eye when it came to my academic choices. Everything was a fight. After my excellent Math score in grade 10, he was adamant that I do engineering. I was adamant that I would make a terrible engineer. So to appease him and find a half way point, I chose to do Math, Economics and Commerce in my 11th and 12th. The only thing that came out of that choice was trauma from miserably failing Math, and a shattered self-confidence from bringing upon myself the shame of flunking a career-defining exam.
College and my choice of major was another fight – I’m talking strong and loud arguments and tears till my eyes were swollen. I was finally given the OK to pursue Communications. The OK wasn’t a – I believe in you; you’ve got this – kind of OK. It was a – I’ve given up on you; do what you want – kind of OK. Ouch! Every brown person reading this knows exactly what I’m talking about.
One of my classes in college was international relations. When I started reading about the United Nations (UN), my heart was set on it. That’s where I saw myself heading. I wanted to work with the UN because it was my only point of reference for disaster relief, humanitarian aid, international development – everything that would fulfill my heart’s desire to do something of value. I thought my tenure with the U.S. Consulate General in Hyderabad, was my stepping stone to world relief. But after working there for close to four years, I realized I wanted to do more with my life – I wanted to do something that was of eternal value. After a lot of thinking and prayer and consideration, I decided to quit and pursue another degree.
During the two years I spent pursuing my Master’s, I fell more and more in love with channeling all my energy toward eternal gain. “What good is it for a man to gain the whole world but forfeit his soul?” (Mark 8:36). These remarkable words of Jesus would often come to mind. What good is it? Working with the UN, a diplomatic agency, would mean I could not talk about Jesus or His love. What good would it be? It took a while, but I had to make the difficult, yet conscious decision of laying down and surrendering to the Lord, my dreams of working there. Don’t get me wrong. Everything about the UN is fantastic. But somewhere, at some point, the Lord changed my heart, and my priorities. I just couldn’t process providing relief for the body, without also providing relief for the soul. That’s what Jesus did.
In a few months, I will have completed three years of loving and serving the people of South Sudan. There are several days when I am frustrated and angry and wonder what I am even doing here; but there has not been a single day, a single hour, or a single minute when I have regretted my decision to move to this nation – To be here. To serve here. Even though the circumstances in this country are complex and beyond my understanding, the people are wonderful. They are resilient. They are brave. They have seen unimaginable trauma and loss but they still keep going. Everything about what I do here in Juba and South Sudan points these amazing men and women to Jesus and I love that. I love that when I laid down my dreams of the UN, the Lord showed me how His dreams were a much better choice for me – I still get to do disaster relief. I still get to provide humanitarian aid. I still get to focus on international development. But above all, I get to do it in Jesus’ name.
Some time ago, a fellow humanitarian worker asked me why faith was such a factor for me. Why did it matter why I did what I did? At the end of the day, what matters is that people’s needs are met. It is true. Meeting people’s basic needs are a priority. But the food I provide them with today is only going the help them and keep them until the next food distribution. When I first came to South Sudan, one of our national staff said to me, “Rachel, what is the hope for South Sudan? We have no point of reference.” That statement stuck with me. It’s also what keeps me going. I told this fellow humanitarian worker that in order to remove hunger, I needed to provide food. What could I offer in order to remove hopelessness? “We give them hope,” he responded. “What is your point of reference for hope?” I asked him. He didn’t have an answer. I did.
We often use the term ‘Hope’ to project uncertainty – I hope you feel better; I hope you are doing well; I hope you make it safely; But there isn’t a thing that is uncertain about hope. Hope is distinct. It is absolute. It is certain. “We have this certain hope like a strong, unbreakable anchor holding our souls to Jesus himself. Our anchor of hope is fastened to the mercy seat in the heavenly realm beyond the sacred threshold” ~ Hebrews 6:19. My hope comes from Jesus. He is the hope for South Sudan. Because of Him, I am able to provide relief and hope to a very broken people, in a very broken country, that have no immediate relief from their very broken context – all in the name of Jesus, my anchor of hope.
“What good is it to a man if he would gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?” ~ Mark 8:36
In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!
I still remember the day I left home for the very first time. It was July 2013. I was heading to the United States to pursue a higher education. Since then, to this day, travel, and being ‘displaced’ has just become a way of life, and oddly enough, I have absolutely loved it. I say ‘oddly’ because this is not a life I could have ever imagined for myself. Leaving home wasn’t an eventuality I had planned, or even hoped for. My dreams were very different, and not even remotely close to my current reality.
Every now and then I walk down memory lane. I think about all the things I wanted to do, and all that I wanted to be. My life definitely didn’t shape out the way I intended it. In my grand plan, there was no room for uncertainty. No room for questions about my next steps, or concerns about my life’s direction. But God’s plan… Oh man! His plans are so much better and greater and grander than anything my finite mind could conjure up. In His plan, there is always uncertainty, always a challenge, and most definitely a multitude of questions about direction and His sovereign will. Each of these excruciating realities however, have done nothing but stretch my faith, and force me to cling to Jesus Christ, the author and the finisher of my faith (Hebrews 12:2), and my very firm and steadfast anchor of faith (Hebrews 6:19).
One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Ephesians 3:20 which refers to Christ as one who is able to do exceedingly more abundantly than we can ever ask or imagine. I often wonder at the writer’s use of the phrase ‘ask or imagine.’ And the more I think about it, the more I look back at where I was, how far I’ve come, where I am, and where I could be going, I understand the power of that phrase – This life I live today, I could never have imagined it. If I could never imagine it, how could I ever ask for it? Sure, there is a lot I want from life, and there’s a lot that one might say I’ve missed out on. But my life is a testament to the fact that trusting in the Lord with all of my heart and not leaning on my own understanding, acknowledging Him in all of my ways, has never deemed a vain endeavor. He has always made my path straight. Always.
For the most part I love my life. I’ve gotten used to being away from home, away from family, away from the familiarity of my native tongue. But when the holidays come around, it hits hard. You come to feel deeply, all the things you’ve said “No” to, in order to say “Yes” to the life you currently live. I typically have no regrets whatsoever. But when Christmas comes, I tend to wish things were different. Anyone away from home would resonate with that sentiment I suppose.
An aspect of the Christmas story that I absolutely love, is the story of Mary, the mother of Jesus, and her cousin Elizabeth. Luke chapter one records the angel Gabriel’s encounter with Mary and the announcement of the birth of Jesus Christ. After giving her the details of this miracle child, the angel says to her (vs 36-37), “And behold, even your relative Elizabeth herself has conceived a son in her old age, and she who was called infertile is now in her sixth month. For nothing will be impossible with God.” In the very next passage we read that Mary rushed to meet her cousin.
I think about this often. Why did the angel tell Mary about Elizabeth? Why was that news so important that it was the continuation to Mary’s call to action, obedience and sacrifice? You know what I think? I think it was because the angel wanted Mary to see that she wasn’t alone. The journey she was on, the one with this massive calling to be the mother of Jesus, was going to be alien, unbelievable, and beyond comprehension to anyone who isn’t in the same boat. No one in their right mind, would understand what Mary was dealing with, nor would they believe it. Ah, but not her cousin. Elizabeth knew. Elizabeth understood. Elizabeth was on a similar journey.
As a humanitarian aid worker, I often find myself at a loss of words when describing my world to someone who hasn’t tasted this life. How can I explain why I would run into a disaster when the world is running away from it? How do I unravel to you the beauty of doing life in the tragedy? How do I express the immeasurable joy I feel in making a difference to one person, even if I’m not directly involved? How do I show you that it’s worth it? It really, truly is.
This Christmas was a quiet and intimate one. I spent it with two of my friends who couldn’t go home for the holidays. On Christmas Eve I made them a fancy dinner. We dressed up for no reason and pretended to be boujee. That didn’t last long – I think we ended up being goofier than boujee. We then decided we wanted to go on carol rounds, because, why not? So, with a guitar and a cajon in tow, the three of us went from door to door, knocking, and belting out “Deck the halls”, “Joy to the world” and “Feliz Navidad.” I don’t know who was more entertained – We, or our forced audience. On Christmas day, our entire base, about 13 people, went out for lunch, and then in the evening we had cookies, hot cocoa, the white elephant gift exchange, and more carols. My two friends and I ended the night with a cute movie. In that moment, at that time, my day was perfect. My Christmas was perfect. And I was so grateful for these people alongside who I could do life. The best part, they understood my life, what I felt, who I missed, how I could both enjoy being here, and still want to be far, far away. This tiny community that I had, was the family that God chose to place in my life right now, and for them, I’m grateful.
As you step into the threshold of a brand new year, I want to encourage you today – Who has God placed in your path? Who is walking this journey alongside you? Who can you look at today and know they will understand? Who can you look at today and say that you get them? Life was never meant to be done alone. God has placed people in your life to share your journey – Your friends, family, neighbor, colleague, acquaintance. You are not alone. Mary had Elizabeth. Who do you have? Look around. Maybe you’re a Mary today, in need on an Elizabeth. Or maybe you are an Elizabeth, with the ability to walk alongside a Mary. Who can you encourage? Who can you seek encouragement from?
In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!
Happy New Year 2022! May this year be a testament to God’s unfailing goodness and faithfulness.
Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” ~ John 11:25-26
The title of this post may sound morbid, but I assure you, the content in and of itself is worth the read. I’ve been thinking a lot about death and dying the past few weeks, and more so for the past few days. This is probably because I miss my dad. Very much. Not a single day goes by without me thinking about him. Later this month, it will be six months since he went home to be with Jesus. Some people who have witnessed my dad’s life may feel that he just didn’t catch a break and that life was unfair to him. He suffered long and hard. But when I look at his life, especially his season of illness, all I see is unperceivable grace and God’s abundant, unmerited favor. Through every illness – Stroke, bypass surgery, chronic kidney disease, kidney failure and finally sepsis, God’s goodness over his life and his condition is undeniable.
The most intimate moments I shared with my dad were when I was with him in the hospital. Over a span of three years, these days were many – they were more than I would like to admit. During this time, we talked some about life, but we talked more about death – Specifically HIS death. I hated it. I wish we didn’t discuss it but he somehow found comfort in talking about it so I would indulge in conversation. Through every conversation I could see that while I feared losing him, he didn’t for a minute fear death. It was as if death had no hold on him. The minute he said anything remotely close to dying, I would jump in and say, “How can you die dad? Don’t you want to see me get married? Don’t you want to spoil your future grandchildren?” I tried to be cute and lighten the mood, and he would smile and say, “I will see you get married. I’ll see you from heaven.”
I am not afraid of death. It doesn’t scare me one bit. I say that now as I face a bright future ahead of me. But what about someone who isn’t sure they have a future? What about someone for whom death is lurking close by? Would they stand fearless? My dad was that someone. And man was he dauntless.
Since my dad fell ill, I have been sensitive to the needs of people who do not have that much of a future ahead of them. Please don’t get me wrong. I have no doubt that God is more than able to heal anyone and everyone. But I also know that death is inevitable. I’ve met people who are petrified of undergoing minor procedures because they are afraid they might die. I’ve met others who are in fact facing the reality of death head on, but are facing it with fear. They’re scared. It makes me wonder – What about death scares someone? Is it that they are missing out on life? Could it be that they’re afraid of their families moving on without them? Or is it that there is nothing more uncertain than death? After all, no one has ever come back from death, to tell us what it is like, or to coach us through it, or to assure us that there is more to life than just living and dying. What if I told you there actually was someone like that?
My dad was never a vocal Christian. He didn’t talk a lot about his faith. He chose to live it. While I witnessed my dad’s faith in the way he lived, I witnessed his faith more in the way he died. He faced it without fear. He was dauntless. This was not because he had no fear. It was because he overcame it. In the midst of a lot of pain and suffering and uncertainty, he attributed his peace and hope to Jesus Christ. After all, He is the only one who faced death with certainty. He beat death once and for all. An empty grave is there to prove my Jesus lives! He is proof that there is more to life, and there is more to death. He is the certainty of life after death. My dad had that certainty because he had a relationship with Jesus. In John 10:14, Jesus says, “After a little while the world will no longer see Me, but you will see Me; because I live, you will live also.”
There are some journeys in life that you have to go through alone. No one can walk them with you. Death is one such journey. I was with my dad through every single one of his illnesses. I was with him when he was rushed from hospital to hospital. I was with him when we brought him back home. I was with him when his sugars fell in the middle of the night. I was there to sneak in his favorite snacks when he was undergoing dialysis. I was there to feed him his meals when he was too weak to eat them himself or when he just wanted to be pampered. I was next to him when he stared at the IV drip and wondered how long he had to live this way. He had his down times. He was sad and sometimes depressed. But his peace and joy NEVER left him. He demonstrated the difference between happiness and joy – One is circumstantial. The other, an overflow of a relationship with the One in Whom is life abundant. The only time I couldn’t be with my dad was when he breathed his last. I couldn’t be with him in death. No one could. That moment, and every moment since, are between him, and his God.
The closer my dad got to death, the more intimate his relationship became with Jesus. His prayers became a conversation as one with whom the connection is deep and certain. As I watched my dad live his best life while on the path to the grave, I learned a very important truth – Your perception and certainty of what happens after death, will inevitably shape and impact how you live, and how you die.
On December 22, 2019 my dad was finally laid to rest. At this very moment he is chilling with Jesus, the angels, his parents and my mom’s parents, and so many other precious friends and loved ones who have gone ahead of me. I know without a shadow of doubt, that when my time comes – whether that be today, tomorrow, or several years from now, I will be reunited with him in heaven. I am certain of it.
That said, my family and I continue to grieve. Of course we do. We miss him. But as much is true, that “we do not grieve as those without hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the dead in Christ will rise again” (1 Thessalonians 4:14-15 paraphrased).
One of my dad’s favorite songs goes like this –
And then one day, I’ll cross that river
I’ll fight that final war with pain And then as death gives way to victory
I’ll see the light of glory and I’ll know He lives! Because He lives I can face tomorrow. Because He lives, ALL FEAR IS GONE.
O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?” The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law; but thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ ~ 1 Corinthians 15:55-57
“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain” ~ Philippians 1:21
In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” ~ John 11:25-26
I lift my eyes up 