In the blink of an eye, the year 2018 has come to an end. It has been one of the best years I’ve had in a long time but it did not come without its share of challenges. I still remember walking into January with a broken heart and a crushed spirit. My relationships seemed quite shattered and I wasn’t sure if there was anything worth looking forward to. A rejection from a renowned university I applied to for Ph.D, only made me dread the year even more. So, after bawling my eyes out and fulfilling the “I am sad” ritual of eating ice cream straight out of the carton, I got on my knees and thanked the Lord because He knew EXACTLY what He was doing, even though I couldn’t see or understand a darn thing!

That prayer, that decision right there – To trust God’s character and not my circumstance, was my turning point. You see, my circumstance was only alien to me and in due course would definitely change. But my Father, He never changes. His plans for me were good. Plans to prosper me and not harm me, to give me a hope and a future … even if, in that moment, it didn’t seem that way.

The year 2018 revealed uncertainties in pretty much every area of my life. So many loose ends and not enough closures. So many “what”s, “why”s, “why not”s, and “how come?”s. But in the midst of them all, one truth still stood out and stood tall that God is faithful! In the midst of all the chaos, He made sure all my needs were met. I was denied nothing. I was given more than what I asked for and in some cases, I’ve been given even that which I didn’t ask – I got to travel to eight countries this year alone – Malaysia, Spain, Italy, France, Nepal, Singapore, Cambodia and Fiji! I met my best friend Tripthi Sweeney after six long years and I got to do SEVERAL trainings in Hindi, all over India! I watched God prove to me that even when it doesn’t seem that way, He is exactly Who He says He is. At the beginning of the year, when my relationships were all scattered, I couldn’t quite understand how God is a God of restoration, until, this Christmas season, He brought them all into order – Relationships that needed restoring were restored, and those that needed to be purged were purged. It took time, but it was worth the wait. My dad had a pacemaker installed and the whole procedure went on without a glitch. I came face to face with a faithful God!

This year taught me so many lessons that I will surely carry into next year. I learned that:

• The time it takes for our faith to become sight might be hard and long drawn, but God is ALWAYS faithful to His Word.
• Even when I don’t understand it, God knows EXACTLY what He is doing, and it is ALWAYS for my good.
• How you remember someone, even if they’ve hurt you deeply, is a choice only you can make. Giving up the good memories in order to get rid of the bad ones, is simply too much of a price to pay.
• How someone treats you, says a lot about him or her. But how you let someone treat you, says a lot about you. It is one thing to say that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and it’s a completely different thing to live it.
• If you don’t love yourself, don’t expect someone else to. If you don’t value yourself, don’t expect someone else to. If you don’t hold people to a high standard, don’t get disappointed when they fall short of it.
• Always keep your word. Always.
• Give people the benefit of doubt. It’s okay if that means you end up being a pushover. Big deal.
• Always be kind. Even when the other person doesn’t seem to deserve it.
• Try again. It’s okay if you fall. It’s okay if you fail. Try again.
• Love freely. Forgive easily. Live fully. Live well. There are no do-overs.

Now you tell me, can a simple “Thank You” suffice, to this God who’s sustained me with His unwavering, unconditional faithfulness? So, as my act of gratitude for a 2018 well spent, I’ve decided that in the new year 2019, every time I am tempted to complain or cry, I will consciously take time to first count my blessings. Because truth be told, for every unanswered prayer, there have been that many more answers to questions I never asked and for that I am grateful. If I don’t get to question my “Promised land” then I don’t get to question my “Wilderness” even though it is in the latter experience that you see God face to face and get to soak in His faithfulness!

So, as I stand on the threshold of this brand new year, and look back at the year just gone by, I can’t help but be aware that God, just being the amazing Father that He is, is constantly proving to me how limited my thoughts, prayers and desires are, and how much more abundantly He can and will do above and beyond all I can ask or imagine, if I just let Him. And this year, I will let Him.

Great is Your faithfulness! Through the years You’ve always been there!

Great is Your faithfulness! Through the years You’ll always be there!

Happy New Year Everyone!!!

In closing I must say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

The past two and half years of my life have been quite the rollercoaster ride. I came to India with the conviction that this is but a place of transition and not my destination. I often compared this phase of my life to that of the Israelites when the Lord sends them to Babylon with the certainty of knowing the plans that He had for them, plans to prosper and not harm, to give a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11), if only they walked in obedience. More than this famous verse of encouragement, what I held on to and took quite literally was the passage just a few verses above this one, where the Lord tells the Israelites to become one among the inhabitants of their current home. He tells them to build community and lay down their roots.

So, that’s exactly what I tried to do. I did EVERYTHING in my power to lay down my roots by building community but I don’t seem to stick around long enough to call my own home, home. I’ve felt like a circle trying to fit into a square or a triangle, like I’m constantly walking around with my suitcases in my hand, without having the permission to set them down and finally rest.

And so, I wait.

For the most part, I’m okay with the waiting because as my spiritual mentor taught me, we wait actively, getting busy glorifying God and edifying people. I got involved with the women’s ministry in my church, I sing on the worship team, and when possible, I try to get in some intentional one-on-one time with friends. But even with all of that, I have successfully failed to belong. Sounds like quite the oxymoron huh?!

Often times I feel like I’m stuck in the wilderness, headed to the promise land but having zero clue as to how long it will take for me to actually get there. I do try embracing this experience because such circumstances thrust you into a level of intimacy with the Lord that you wouldn’t otherwise develop. Then again, I have my moments when I sob and cry and throw a tantrum! The past week was one such time. However, the Lord comforted me and gave me attitude check through the prophet Jeremiah –

“The people who survived the sword, found grace in the wilderness”
~ Jeremiah 31:2

Isn’t it ironic that while we all dread the wilderness experience that is where the Israelites found grace? – Not in Egypt where they were slaves, nor in Canaan where they were free. Rather, in the midst of uncertainty, confusion, frustration and disappointment, “the people who survived the sword, found grace..”

If you, like me, feel like you’re stuck in the wilderness, may I encourage you with ten lessons that the Lord very lovingly taught me, and I hold on to dearly? These keep me motivated to look beyond my circumstance, to the unchanging character of the One who orders my steps – Because He is faithful this too shall pass. 

1. PROVIDENCE: Everything you need will be provided – mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Providence will come from God and Him alone! – Not through family. Not through your employer. Not through your paycheck.
2. DISCIPLINE: Your time in the wilderness is time with yourself and with God. He will reveal aspects of your life that desperately need fine-tuning. Why? Well, you wouldn’t play a somewhat tuned guitar now would you? You would fine-tune it to play it to its fullest potential.
3. OBEDIENCE: You will find that obedience in the steps shown in the now is the only guarantee for the revelation of your next steps.
4. TRANSFORMATION: God will mold you and shape your heart and mind to reflect that of His own. He will move you from a place of complacency to a place of transformation.
5. PAIN: No pain, no gain. Your time in the wilderness will neither be fun nor easy – The statue was never thrilled at being chiseled but it was needed to become a masterpiece.
6. NO COMMUNITY: No one will truly understand what you are going through because this experience is just between you and the Lord an He will teach you that He’s the only community you’ll ever need. Everyone else is just a bonus.
7. TIMING: You will see the light at the end of the tunnel but you won’t know how long the tunnel is or when you get to the end of it. But if you can find it in your heart to trust that God’s timing is perfect, you will learn to enjoy this exclusive one-on-one time with the Lord.
8. ATTITUDE-CHECK: You can whine your way through the wilderness experience or you can trust that God knows exactly what He’s doing. Your attitude will either make your journey peaceful or it’ll make it miserable.
9. NEVER ALONE: You were never meant to take this journey alone. God will lead you with a cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. God’s presence will lead you every step of the way. He will engulf you with who He is. He’ll have your back 24/7 if you will just trust Him.
10. WORTHWHILE: While no one likes or enjoys the wilderness experience, the journey truly is worth it! By the time you are done, you will find yourself with a whole new perspective of Who God is. You will master the art of taking your eyes off of your circumstance and fixing it firmly on His unchanging character!

You will know what it feels like to walk in complete, perfect peace even though where you are right now makes no sense whatsoever. Above all, you will see that it is absolutely fine that your eyes don’t yet to see what you know to be true in your heart. It is in the midst of that peace that you will truly find yourself understanding that faith is the evidence of things hoped for, and the assurance of things not yet seen.

In closing I must say, I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

Since returning to India, I have been attending a church that isn’t my “Home” church but has very quickly become my family and my community. I love the people here and I LOVE being involved in servicing them. I truly believe that service is a privilege and if you have the opportunity to serve someone, don’t even think twice! One of the ways I’ve been able to serve the Lord in my church is by serving on the worship team. I have been singing as a backing vocal for over a year and I have LOVED every bit of it.

When I lived in the United States, God clearly had me take a break from being part of a worship team, let alone being a worship leader. In those 3yrs, I learned to value every role on the team – from the worship leader, to the backing vocals, to the musicians, to the sound guy, and even the guy who rolls up the cable. But I deeply missed being able to worship on the team, and leading a congregation into implicit adoration of our living King. So you can imagine my joy when I was, for lack of a better term, “recruited” into the worship team here in my new church.

Joining this worship team however, was like giving in to a higher calling! Their level of preparing for a Sunday service was far above anything I had ever done in my home church. I was recently invited to co-lead worship on a Sunday morning – Something I had never done before in my church. I didn’t know what to expect. I got on stage for my sound check, and someone from the production team came over and handed me something that they called, “In-ear monitor.” I had never used one before. It took me a while to figure it out but as soon as I put it into my ears, I heard so many sounds all at the same time. I heard the keyboard, the guitars, the drums, the click, the production guy talking, the Music Director (MD) talking, the Worship Leader 1 giving instructions… it was so overwhelming! Can you imagine singing and leading a congregation into worship with all these voices in your head?

I began to freak out. I was already super nervous. Add the in-ear monitors with a bazillion voices and I was a complete wreck. As I was freaking out, I heard one voice say to me, “Rachel, don’t worry. You’ll do just fine. Just listen to my voice.” It was the MD. He assured me that as long as I followed what he said, I was going to be okay. So, through out the service, amidst this plethora of voices, I focused on the voice of the MD. He told me exactly when I should start a song, when I should soften it, when I should build it up, when the verse was going to start, how many times we were going to do the chorus, and every time he felt my voice quiver in nervousness, he encouraged me and said, “Rachel, you’re doing great.” The MD hand-held me through out the service. He looked out for me. I just needed to pay attention to his voice.

Fast forward to the second time I co-led worship. The in-ear monitors went in, and the plethora of voices resounded in my ears again. But this time, I knew exactly what to expect. This time I knew what voices I was to zone out. This time, paying attention to the MD wasn’t tough. This time I didn’t need as much instruction. I was equipped and my MD had my back. All I had to do was to listen to his voice.

This experience taught me a lot about the role of the Holy Spirit in my life, and in the way I live out my purpose and calling. I wake up every morning to a zillion voices – The voice of my job, my parents, my responsibilities, my uncertainties, my confusion, anxiety… add to the lying voice of the devil – “You’re not good enough” “You’ll never make it in life.” “This is as good as its ever going to get.” “Nobody wants to be with you.” “Do you even have a purpose to live for?” … In the midst of this chaos, the only voice that calms me and gives me direction is that of the Holy Spirit – my comforter, my mentor, my guide – The voice of truth that refutes every lie. All I need to do is pay attention and I’ll be alright. The more I listen to Him, the easier it is to recognize and focus on His voice. The more I focus on His voice, the better life is, and the more effective I am in living out my purpose.

So, here’s my question to you – In the midst of life’s many voices, whose voice are you listening to?

“Your ears will hear a word behind you, “This is the way, walk in it,” whenever you turn to the right or to the left” ~ Isaiah 30:21

In closing I must say, I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!