Author: Rachel Chadalavada

Just a girl in love with her Maker! Living life abundantly - That's my motto! After all, we only live once! The nailed cross, the empty tomb, salvation and grace are my greatest realities. I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

The Best Book to Read

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Life, WorshipLeave a comment

Growing up in Sunday school, one song that stuck with me goes like this – “The B-I-B-L-E, yes that’s the book for me. I stand alone on the Word of God the B-I-B-L-E!” It has always been engrained in me that it is important for me to read God’s Word and obey it. For a long time I read the Bible as if I were doing God a favor. Little did I know the blessings that I was missing out on by not loving His Word.

Years of constant uncertainty have caused me to desire a close, intimate walk with Jesus and I have come to realize that the Bible is not only God’s Word but also a revelation of Who He is. There is no way I can possibly love God without loving His Word, nor is there a way to know God without spending time in His Word.

A few months ago I attended a Bible study during which the speaker quoted Ezra’s love for God’s Word. For some reason that struck a chord with me and I decided to read through Psalm 119. As I read through it, my eyes were opened to the blessings that were in store me when I spent time with God’s Word. As if getting to know the Lord more and more weren’t enough motivation to spend time with the Bible, here are 20 blessings that Psalm 119 reveals:

  1. God’s Word blesses us – v1&2
  2. It helps us be blameless – v1&3
  3. It provides freedom from shame – v6
  4. It causes us to praise God – v7
  5. It helps us keep our ways pure – v9&10
  6. Our eyes will behold wonderful things – v18
  7. It takes away reproach and contempt –
  8. It keeps us calm even when people stand against us, when they sit and intentionally plot against us (v23)
  9. It counsels us – v24
  10. It strengthens us – v28
  11. It enlarges our hearts to want more – v
  12. It turns our eyes from vanity – v37
  13. It produces reverence – v38
  14. It equips us to have an answer for him who reproaches us – v42
  15. It gives us freedom – v45
  16. It gives us courage to stand before kings and bear witness – v46
  17. When we bear witness, God’s word keeps us from being ashamed – v46
  18. It revives us in times of affliction – v50
  19. It comforts us – v52
  20. It causes us to be sensitive to evil and produces righteous anger – v53

I have a whole new perspective on the reading the Bible now and truth be told, the more I read God’s Word, the more I want to read more of it.

In closing I must say, “I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord.”

One Year Later…

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Uncategorized2 Comments

One year ago, on this very day, I boarded a flight back home to India. Welcomed by hugs of love from family, and squeals of excitement by my little ones, I embarked on a brand new journey – One filled with a whole lot of uncertainty but led by a very certain God.

When I was leaving America, the land I called home for three beautiful years, everyone I met said the exact same thing – “Rachel, God has BIG plans for you.” Amidst a plethora of goodbye hugs, I was bestowed with encouragement and blessing – “Amazing things are going to unfold for you Rachel. Just you see.” And as I boarded that flight, I wondered what these “Big” and “Amazing” plans would look like. Would it be a high profile job opportunity? Would it be a knight in shining armor? Would it be relocating to an unexplored part of the world? What were these “Big” plans that everyone else seemed to be so sure about, and yet were a mystery to me?

Fast forward a year later, to this very moment, I look back on this 12 months long journey and there’s no “High profile job opportunity,” “No knight in shining armor,” and definitely no “Relocation to an unexplored part of the world.” And yet, every single day of these past 365 days have been doused with God’s good, perfect, BIG and amazing plans. As I reminisce through my life in India, I know that God has taken the time to redefine my understanding of “Big” and “Amazing” plans. I’ve learned that the beauty of the “Plan” isn’t in its magnitude or enormity, but in the fact that it was ordained by God and that in and of itself, makes any plan that is founded in the center of His will, “Good,” “Perfect,” “Big” and “Amazing.”

As I stand on the threshold of my second year in India, there are several things I do not know such as, “Where am I going from here?” “What are my next steps?” “What are my plans?” “When am I going from here?” “When will this period of waiting end?” That said, there are several things that I do know –
1. God is faithful. He ALWAYS sticks to His word.
2. God’s plans are perfect, even when I don’t feel like they are.
3. Just because I don’t know the plan, doesn’t mean the plan does not exist. In His good and perfect time, all will be revealed.
4. God created Adam and Eve on the sixth day, AFTER making sure that all that they would ever need to fulfill their purpose was first provided. And because God does not show favoritism, He will do the same thing for me – He will take me to my next step, my place of rest, ONLY AFTER making sure that all that I would ever need to fulfill my purpose is first provided for.
5. Two things that should always be etched on my heart – 1) What God said; 2) What God did.
6. Faith is the assurance of things “hoped” for, the conviction of things “not yet seen.”
7. Even though I haven’t a clue of what’s going on, God knows EXACTLY what He’s doing and that for me, is more than enough.
8. The “Desert” experience isn’t something to dread. It’s a time when God disciples you and fine-tunes your hearing. The intimacy that you learn during this time is priceless.
9. Time with family is always something to cherish. Always.
10. Here’s something you can do in your time of waiting – Serve God in any and every way possible. He’s anyway taking care of your future, so you might as well just focus on your present.

For all my friends who have been praying for me, I wanted to share with you some highlights from my first year back in India –
1. I am currently working as an International Field Representative for Operation Christmas Child and I LOVE it. I have no intention of moving from here for a while at least.
2. I have been able to spend time with father and be with him as he battles kidney failure. I wouldn’t trade this time for anything.
3. My niece and nephews are growing too fast for my liking but our mutual admiration club is still going strong. My niece turns 15 this week and I am so glad I am able to spend this time with her.
4. I’ve seen more of India in this past year than I have in my whole life.
5. I’ve already made two international trips and will be taking another one in a few days (Yay!!! Sooooooo excited!)
6. No, there still isn’t any romantic interest on the horizon. Or is there? Jk.
7. I’ve gotten one foot into a worship team. I’m hoping it’s just a matter of time before I’m able to officially be on the team.
8. I’ve accepted the responsibility of leading a “Young Leaders” group in my church. I’m very excited for this as well.
9. Yes, I still believe that India is a transit place for me, before the Lord takes me home.
10. There is a sliver of a chance that I’m finally able to build community.

Before I end this post, I just want to say this – God is good. God is faithful. He is a good, good Father and He withholds nothing good from me and you.

In closing I must say, “I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord.”

Even if the Healing Doesn’t Come

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Uncategorized2 Comments

When I was about 12yrs old, I fell seriously ill, the recovery from which left me on the onset of Alopecia. Fast forward more than 20yrs later to when my Alopecia simply went from bad to worse and my hair became super thin. If I stood under the light, you’d see my scalp shining brightly. Very unflattering. In 2015 I gave up all hope of ever recovering from it and ended up shaving my head and wearing a wig. Even though I tried to kill any remnant desire for hair, I still silently hoped that after shaving my head, new hair follicles would grow back and I’d have hair like any other normal person. But 2yrs after I shaved my head, I see no progress. My head just seems worse. Every doctor I visited has told me that my hair will never grow back and that this is a condition I have to live with.

Suffice to say, that makes me very sad. I’ve prayed for years and years and years, trusting with all my heart that Jesus is Who He says He is – My healer. But I haven’t seen that healing. I’ve somehow resigned myself to living with a wig and for the most part I’m okay with not being able to grow any hair. It definitely makes me sad, but I’m okay.

Last month there was a special service in my church where the preacher prayed specifically for healing. That day, I saw people with arthritis walk again, people with back pain bending over, deaf ears being opened and squint eyes being set straight. I was very very happy for all those people who received healing. But I was very very sad that my healing didn’t come. I’ll be honest. I was very upset with the Lord. I went home that day and simply stared in the mirror at my scanty scalp and all I could do was cry. I thought I had no more tears to shed over this issue but I guess I was wrong.

The next day evening I went for another service and the preacher once again prayed for healing. He said we need to wait with expectant hearts and that sickness doesn’t glorify God. He wants to heal us. After he prayed, he asked the congregation to check their body to see if what wasn’t working before, was working now. I ran to the washroom, nervously hopeful that this God who had healed several hundreds of people before my very eyes, would miraculously heal me too. I took my wig off and looked in the mirror and NOTHING! My expectant heart shattered. I sobbed for a little bit, picked up my broken pieces and went back to the service.

For the most part I’ve come to terms with the fact that God is able to heal everyone but chooses not to heal some. However, when I’m part of the some that He does not heal, it hurts. I don’t understand. What am I missing? If the Lord is Who He says He is, and He says He is the One that heals me, then why doesn’t the healing come?

Unfortunately, no matter how many times I ask that question, I don’t seem to find the answer. I wish I did but I don’t. However, here is what I do know –

  • I know that my situation doesn’t determine God’s faithfulness.
  • I know that God doesn’t lie. Just because I do not see healing, doesn’t mean He isn’t a healer.
  • I know that if the Lord is allowing me to endure a certain illness, it is for a greater purpose. I may never know what that purpose is but I know my Jesus. He doesn’t seek pleasure in my sickness. However, when I prayed that He use me in whatever manner He chooses, I believe He took my prayer seriously. When I get to heaven, I’m positive that He will show me all those people who were led to look to Jesus because I endured through Alopecia.
  • I know that a bald head will NEVER discount the fact that I was knit in my mother’s womb, that God knows my inmost being and that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, in His image!
  • I know that for God, far above the healing of my auto-immune disease, is the healing of my depraved heart. And I can tell you without a shadow of doubt, that the day I asked Jesus to be the Lord of my life, easily about 25yrs ago, He healed my heart and changed my life forever.
  • I know that I am precious to Jesus. I am honored and loved and He dances over me with singing.
  • I know that even though Alopecia makes me sad and frustrated, Jesus makes me happy and joyous and fills my heart with a peace that passes all understanding.
  • I know that every time I feel ugly, yes I do feel that sometimes, Jesus very graciously brings to mind all the people who love me despite my Alopecia and reminds me that what makes me beautiful isn’t what’s on my skin, but what’s in my heart.

I was trying to research if the Bible records anyone who Jesus did not heal. I found no one. Everyone who came to Jesus was healed. Even those who didn’t ask for it. But what encourages me is this – Jesus didn’t shy away from suffering. He definitely healed multitudes but He didn’t spare Himself from being ripped to shreds for my sake. His pain had a greater purpose. Next to the sacrifice that Jesus made for me, Alopecia is NOTHING!

If today you are struggling with Who God says He is – Provider, Healer, Restorer, Protector, Transformer – May I encourage you? Just because you don’t see the manifestation of Who Jesus says He is, doesn’t mean that He is not it. Jesus suffered for a higher purpose. Perhaps that’s the same case with you.

So in the words of Kutless (slightly modified for emphasis), I would like to encourage you:

Even if the healing doesn’t come and life falls apart, and dreams are still undone, He is God. He is good. He is the forever Faithful One.

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

Piecing-in the Jigsaw Puzzle

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

It’s been a little over seven months since I unexpectedly returned to India. It wasn’t easy wrapping up my life that I so loved and return “Home” in June 2016. I was disappointed, confused and frustrated. I knew God had a plan for me. He always does, but I just couldn’t see it. The longer I looked at the puzzle, the more confused I got. What was I doing here in India, when I knew that the Lord placed a very different calling over my life?

Now, on this tenth day in the second month of this year 2017, I can finally say that I see the bigger picture. I see the jigsaw puzzle coming together. I see why God brought me home to be with my family. In July 2016, my father was diagnosed with Chronic Kidney Disease (CKD). This meant that his kidneys were failing and among other things, he had to be on a very strict diabetic, renal friendly diet – Limited fluids, low salt, low sugar, low protein and a low carb diet – Go figure!!!

As time went by his condition progressed. Each month was lined with multiple visits to the cardiologist for previous heart condition reviews, to the nephrologist for CKD consultations and to the diagnostic center for a plethora of tests. Some months we religiously met with the nephrologist every week.

Since July 2016 until today, I have taken 20 trips for work – Some of which lasted a couple days while others lasted a few weeks. Even with my crazy travel schedule and being away from home several days in a month, the Lord in His kindness, allowed me to be present for almost every one of those doctor’s appointments. If at all I missed one, it was one with least significance. I feel almost as if the Lord had all my travel schedules sprawled out on His work desk and as He towered over my girl-on-wheels life, He ensured that He placed doctor’s appointments only when I was able to be there with my dad. Now tell me that’s not a good, good Father?!!!

Two days ago, when I was on a work trip in Bhopal, my dad needed to go through two emergency dialysis’. While I couldn’t be there for the first one, the Lord made it possible for me to make some adjustments to my flights and come to Vellore for the second one, as well as be with my dad for when he had to go in for a kidney biopsy. For someone in the medical field a biopsy is no big deal. But for a layman like my dad, it was a terrifying idea. He tried his best not to show it and he won’t ever admit it, but I knew he was scared and I was beyond grateful that I could stand by his side, hold his hand and crack some really really sad jokes that made him laugh.

I still don’t see all the puzzle pieces fit together. But as I spend the night in the hospital as his caregiver, I hear my daddy snore and say with all my heart – There’s no other place I’d rather be.

God saw ahead of time that I needed to be with my dad. If I stayed in America, I would not have been able to forgive myself for not being with my family, not so much for their sake but for my own. God knew then exactly what He was doing and He knows exactly what He’s doing now.

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

Hasta La Vista 2016!

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Life3 Comments

In less than three days we will find ourselves at the threshold of a brand new year – 2017. I still remember when I rang in 2016. Where did the year go? When this year began I was pretty certain it would take its own sweet time to come to an end but boy was I wrong!!! Seems like just yesterday I wished the world a happy new year 2016.

When I look back at this year, I can barely get my bearings right as I think about all the experiences that unfolded over the past 12 months. In some ways my life doesn’t seem to have changed a bit since the beginning of 2016 to now – I was knee deep in uncertainty then and I am knee deep in uncertainty now. Along with that, another thing that hasn’t changed, is my hope in the God Who is in control of that uncertainty and the assurance that my future is uncertain only to me. God knows exactly what He’s doing!

2016 has been a year that has challenged me in more ways than I have the courage to admit. It opened my eyes to a whole new understanding of Who God is and His unwavering, unchanging character, which alone remains my anchor for the new year to come. This year has made me stronger, smarter, more vulnerable, more open to letting people see my not-so-strong side, more passionate, more loving, more giving and here’s my favorite – more sensitive to God and to what’s on His heart for both me and those around me.

From standing on the verge of giving up any idea of staying in the US, to watching the Lord move mountains to prove otherwise, to finally being convinced of where I belong, to heartbreaking disappointments, to feeling like the battle was mine alone, to throwing a tantrum before the Lord and then letting Him set me straight (Yikes!), to being consumed by an overwhelming sense of uncertainty over every aspect of my life, to understanding and for a change, truly trusting with all of my heart, even when I don’t see the evidence of that trust, that God, and He alone is in control of my past, present and future, 2016 year has been quite the roller coaster ride and I am a better woman for it.

I often wonder why trials and challenges come my way – I’m pretty certain I’m not the only one who thinks about this. Truth be told, the lessons you learn in your brokenness are the lessons that end up building your character and making you the person you were meant to be. Times of trials chisel our hearts to be sensitive to God’s love, His voice and His specific will for our lives, if we can only still ourselves long enough to trust His heart.

If there is one lesson I’ve learned this past year that I will surely take with me in to 2017, it is this – That God is unchanging and I can take Him for His word – Not my words. He says so in Micah 3:6, “I the Lord do not change.” Because of His unchanging character, I will, like the Psalmist say, “Your testimonies are my delight; They counsel me” (Ps 119:24).

Because He was my provider (Genesis 22:14) in 2016 and because He does not change, He will be my provider in 2017.

Because He loved me in 2016 and because He does not change, He will love me in 2017. Also, He’s already said that He loves me with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3).

Because His Word has been a lamp to my feet (Psalm 119:108) in 2016 and because He does not change, His Word will guide me in 2017.

Because He moved mountains to fight my battles on my behalf (2 Chronicles 20:15) in 2016 and because He does not change, He will fight my battles in 2017.

Because He knew the plans He had for me in 2016 and because He does not change, He knows the plans He has for me in 2017. Plans to prosper me and not harm me. Plans to give me a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).

Because He held my hand and didn’t let go of me (Deuteronomy 31:6) in 2016 and because He does not change, He will hold my hand and won’t let go of me in 2017. And that confidence, that confidence alone is reason enough for me to look forward to a brand new year 2017.

Here’s to another roller coaster ride with God! Happy New Year everyone!

#neveradullmomentwithJesus

In closing I must say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

 

Yes, I Wear a Wig

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Life3 Comments

I never thought I’d find myself gathering the courage to write about this. For far too long I’ve let myself feel embarrassed and downright small over something that I wish I could control but sadly cannot. This post is my attempt to embrace my shortcomings and flaws, to stop being embarrassed about how I am created, to truly see myself as Christ sees me – Fearful and wonderful, and to raise awareness on basic sensitivity. A woman’s hair is said to be her “Crowning Glory” – So what about if a woman doesn’t have hair? Does she no longer have anything glorious about her?

When I woke up this morning, I had a big smile plastered on my face. Today was the day I would be annoyingly perky, getting on the nerves of anyone who hadn’t had their caffeine fix for the day. My hair was set right. My lipstick didn’t find a way to make it to my teeth. My pants fit just right, and boy did I look good! (Yes, I can be very vain sometimes!). I sat at the breakfast table and began chowing down my food whilst humming to Anthem Lights’ hymn mash ups – Y’all, if you haven’t heard them, you need to stop what you’re doing AFTER reading this post of course, and go check them out. They’re WOW! Anyway, a gentleman I met a few days ago passed by me and I gave him a polite, smiling “Hello.” He returned my greeting with this horrific question – One that I’ve tried so long to dodge: “Ma’am, please don’t feel bad but, are you wearing a wig?” I wish with all my heart that I looked at him and asked him to mind his own business, or even give him the deathly stare that would make him want to pull his own eyeballs out, or at the very least used my fork to not-so-gently force it through his thigh. Instead, I froze in my seat. All that confidence I finally built up over these years, came crashing down as I fake-smiled at him and answered, “Yes, I do wear a wig.” He just looked at me, obviously not expecting that answer, smiled a shocked smile, and changed the subject. How did knowing the answer to that question edify this gentleman’s life? Did it change his day in any way? No, right? Unfortunately, answering it changed mine. My precious perky high spirit came tumbling down into the dumps.

Alopecia isn’t something that’s talked about – at least not in India. We are perpetually obsessed with two things – A fair complexion and long, silky hair, neither of which I have. Heck, I’d be thrilled if I could barely cover my scalp. But that is a luxury I do not have. When I was 12yrs old, I fell extremely ill, the recovery from which left me putting on a lot of weight and losing a lot of hair. While controlling my weight is in my hands, losing hair or growing it, isn’t. I’ve tried Homeopathy, Alopathy, visited this doctor, tried that cream, and all of them left me staring at the mirror with a broken heart, a shattered self-confidence and a crushed spirit. I don’t think I have any more tears left to cry about this. I’m done.

Last year, I finally gave up on the dream of growing hair like a normal person, and shaved off whatever little I had left, to embrace God’s gift to people suffering from Alopecia – A wig! When I put it on, I was thrilled, not so much because of how I looked, but because of how I felt. I felt normal. I breathed a sigh of relief that finally, I would no longer have random strangers come and pitifully tsk at me for developing bald patches all over my scalp (True story!). I had my own inhibitions about wearing a wig. I wrestled with the idea for a very long time but I finally became comfortable with it.

I know that a lot of people have wondered how my hair made such a drastic turn around. Others have wondered how I never have a bad hair day. And still others have wondered if I wear a wig. For far too long, I was embarrassed about acknowledging it. But not any more. Today, I choose to hold my head up and believe with all my heart that it’s okay that I don’t have hair. It’s okay that I have obvious bald patches. It’s okay that I choose to wear a wig. Today, when that gentleman asked me about my wig, I hated the way that question made me feel. I hated how embarrassing that moment was for me. I realized that the only reason I felt as hurt as I did was because I was somehow embarrassed and uncomfortable with my choice. Why on earth should I be embarrassed though? If anyone should be embarrassed it should be people who choose to be insensitive toward other people. This ends today. Today, I take back the power.

The fact that I don’t have hair doesn’t take away from the fact that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, a girl made in the image of her Creator. It doesn’t discount the fact that I am sweet, loving and caring. I have a fun personality, a care-a-damn attitude, and a hilarious spunk. I’ve let Alopecia make me feel small for far too long. It’s time to look Alopecia in the face, kick it in its butt and say, I’m pressed but not crushed; Struck down but not destroyed. I’ve been blessed beyond the curse for His promises endure. Though the sorrow may last for the night, His joy comes in the morning!

As you finish reading this post, I have a few requests to make of you –

  1. Please don’t feel sorry for me. I don’t feel sorry for me. You shouldn’t either. Plus, that wasn’t the point of the post.
  2. Share this post with these hash-tags: #wonderfullymade #skinisonlyskindeep #takebackthepower.
    In a world that’s attempting to be “inclusive” let’s also be inclusive of people like me. If you and I don’t talk about it, who will?
  3. Proudly post about your physical ‘flaws’ with the hash-tag #takebackthepower
  4. Lastly, but most importantly, if you ever see my wig out of place, please tell me (in my ear).

The reason I chose to write this post today is because I felt that it was about time all of us shifted our eyes from what’s on the outside and focus on what’s on the inside. Because skin is only skin deep. True beauty lies within you. Everything else is superficial and temporary.

As I conclude this post, I want to jump off of Martin Luther King’s speech and say just this:

“I have a dream that one day, my children are judged not by what they look like on the outside, but by the content of who they are on the inside.”

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

#fearfullyandwonderfullymade #skinisonlyskindeep #takebackthepower

What Should I “DO”?

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Chaos, Future, Life2 Comments

Today marks exactly four months since my unexpected return to India. Some days I feel like I never left. On other days, I cannot believe that I am back. Not that being back is bad. It’s just … How do I put it? … It’s weird. I wish I could explain it better but all my friends who lived in a foreign country and came back to their motherland will know what I mean. Let’s just say that reverse culture shock is a real thing. Getting readjusted to life in India is a challenge. Unfortunately not everyone understands that. People never fail to remind you that you have only been away for three years and that India is where you were born and raised. Trust me, I know that. I realize that and I am NOT trying to stand out or have a chip on my shoulder. Au contraire mon amie, all I really want more than anything is to get back to living in India – I have zero intention of keeping my heart in America and my feet here.

Other than going bonkers over the constant honking and the sudden overwhelming realization that we Indians are LOUD, it’s been good to be back – For the most part that is. It’s been wonderful to be back with family and have the freedom to go see my niece and nephews whenever I want. The first month and half was great. My only goal in life was to chill and enjoy just being here, not worrying too much about what the future holds. But after those 45 days went by, the four dreaded words came out of every single person I passed by – “So, what’s your plan?” On the surface I smile and tell them that I am taking one day at a time and seeking the Lord to show me the next steps. But on the inside, I’m screaming, pulling my hair apart, wishing with all my heart that I knew the answer to that painful question.

Some of you know that I have been working with Operation Christmas Child International as an International Field Representative (IFR). This requires me to travel quite a bit and observe distribution events, which I ABSOLUTELY love! I get to watch first hand the joy that the effort and love of you wonderful shoebox packers make on the lives of little children. If I tell you some of the stories I’ve witnessed, you’ll need a box of tissues – I kid you not. But the position of an IFR is neither full time nor permanent. While I thoroughly enjoy what I do, I once again wonder, “What next?” The more I pray about it, the more I know that the Lord hasn’t released me from OCC yet. I’m still completely sold out to the power of a simple shoebox gift. However, the most difficult part of being back in India and being with OCC is that because I travel a lot, I am unable to build any community. I know it seems weird since I’ve lived my whole life in India. Truth be told, time and distance make a big difference in friendships and community. From the time I have returned, I’ve been begging the Lord for a community. I’m constantly surrounded by this overwhelming feeling of standing with suitcases in my hand and being completely incapable of putting them down and just resting. I’m convinced that, for reasons only He knows, the Lord is intentionally keeping me from building community, laying down roots or investing in relationships.

The other day, while in Delhi on OCC work, I sat in my hotel room praying about where my life was headed. Somehow I ended up watching a video about people being in the pit from time to time. Now I’m not quite sure what happened but all I remember from that evening is that I just burst in to tears. I cried like I hadn’t in years! Once I was done, I felt like this burden lifted from my shoulders. I feel so much better. While crying my heart out to the Lord, I caught myself saying these words – “What do You want me to do Lord? Please tell me. What should I do?” And I realized, the Lord is already working in the background. He doesn’t want me to be “Doing” anything. He just wants me to BE. For a doer like me, that was hard to accept. But it explains why I’ve been so frustrated. While I want to “Do” He just wants me to “Be.” I’ll be honest – I’m still trying to figure out how to do this but at least I now know where my lesson lies. I trust the Lord with all of my heart and I know that His reasons for keeping me waiting will in time be well worth it.

So until the Lord thinks I am ready to see the manifestation of His plans for me, I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

 

Unrestricted Entry

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

DISCLAIMER: This post may deem offensive to some but please know, my intention is not to offend you or your belief system. It is, however, my response to a very sobering experience I recently had. Please be sure to read this with discretion. Thank you.

As I walked into the courtyard, I watched as people poured out their love, their sorrow, their tears and their devotion. Nobody cared about the other. They only cared about their own worship. I looked around to see mothers teaching their daughters and fathers teaching their sons to pray with folded hands. As I walked around soaking in this uninhibited act of devotion, my thoughts were snapped back to reality as I heard people burst into song … people raising their voices in adoration and pure devotion. Little did they know that all of this love and devotion and prayer was falling on deaf ears.

Those of you who’ve been following me on Facebook or on Instagram have been seeing posts from my trip to Kathmandu in Nepal. I went there for a three-day conference and decided to add a couple extra days as personal time to visit the city and do some touristy things. On day one I took a mountain flight over the Himalayas that just left me breathless and in awe of the Creator Who spoke so much of majesty and grandeur into existence – More on that in my next blog post. By the time I landed it was about 8am. I needed to meet up for a work related event at 10.30am so I had about 2.5hrs to kill. The Pashupathinath Temple in Kathmandu is considered a World Heritage so I thought it only made sense to go visit it. Honestly though, I wasn’t very inclined to it initially because I have been surrounded by temples my entire life so this wasn’t going to be a new or even a different experience for me but like I said, I had 2.5hrs to kill. So, I thought to myself, “Why not?” and made my way there. As I walked up to the temple gates, a priest-guide of sorts walked up to me and talked to me about the history of the temple etc. Two things he said caught my attention – 1. Only those who were born Hindus could enter the temple and no one else. If you were a convert, or someone who was just seeking the truth, there was no entry for you. For those who did enter the temple, there were a bajjillion different restrictions – Do’s and Don’t’s that you absolutely had to follow! 2. He offered me multiple prayer packages. The more I paid him, the more he’d advocate on my behalf to lifeless idols. I smiled at him, thanked him for the offer and decided to go see the temple for myself. Because I was Indian, I could get away with entering the temple even though I was not a Hindu.

As I walked in and watched people from different corners of the world come into this temple to touch the feet of this idol, to pour on their heads, what to me seemed like contaminated water, but to them was holy, to bow their heads toward manmade caricatures, as if the majesty of a holy God could be downsized to the shape of a stone. My heart broke as I wondered if these people would ever realize that their heart wrenching prayers were being raised to no one… that their lifeless idols were just that – lifeless. How can the created ever be the Creator? In India there is a saying – “If you believe with all of your heart, then your faith can turn even a stone in to a God.” If I had the power to create ‘God,’ would I then not BE the Creator? Would I then not BE God? I don’t know about you but I don’t have the audacity to make a claim like that.

Gathering up the shattered pieces of my heart I walked out of the temple wondering who would reach out to these people. What could I do to share with them the love of the Creator God Who is alive and not restricted to the figment of my imagination and the creativity of my hands? I understood more than ever what it means to be a lost people. Please don’t misunderstand me – the devotion of these people isn’t wrong at all, it is WHO they are devoted to that makes all the difference. Because from where I stand, their devotion and faith is placed in a WHAT… a thing… not in a WHO … a person.

As I got into my taxi to head to my work event, I couldn’t help but be grateful for knowing a God Who is alive, and ashamed for keeping His unconditional love to myself. For the remainder of the taxi ride I settled into a pensive silence contemplating my own faith and where I was headed in my walk with the Lord. I thought about how I take Christ’s free gift of salvation for granted. How many times have I looked at what He did for me on the cross of Calvary as something I was entitled to? What authority did I have to run boldly into the presence of an Almighty, Omnipotent, Omniscient, and Omnipresent God and call Him “Father!”??? How many times have I had the audacity to question this Awesome God as if He was answerable to me? In that moment, my insignificance became very real to me and with that came the overwhelming gratitude of being the daughter of a living, loving God Who has been pursuing me and my heart even before the beginning of time. If I wasn’t already in love with Jesus before, I am now! And I am grateful I have free, unrestricted access into His presence.

And so do you. You don’t need to be a “Christian” to enter.

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

PS: As you think about this blog post, may I encourage you to pray for the people of Nepal and seek the Lord to see if He will send you there to minister to them? I’m praying the same prayer.

Does it Hurt? Good!

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Life3 Comments

When I was still on my “Goodbye” road trip in America, I found out that my uncle in India was admitted in the hospital for an emergency vascular surgery. For several years now he’s had an issue with his leg. Over the past couple of years he developed an ulcer that needed attention off and on. So I just assumed that this particular visit to the hospital too was one of those times when his vascular condition wasn’t life threatening but simply needed attention. When I spoke to my aunt, she told me the same thing. I’ve always known my aunt to call it as it is and to never mince words so when she said he was okay, I figured he truly was fine.

Once I landed in Hyderabad, I spent a week with my family and headed straight to Vellore to see my uncle. If you know anything about me, you’ll know that family is a priority for me. If I even remotely sense that they might need help, I’ll plonk myself there and do whatever I can to make life a little easy for them. Hence, when I arrived in Vellore, I took my aunt’s place as my uncle’s helper in the hospital, so that my aunt could get some time and room to breathe and relax. On our way to the hospital, my aunt asked me if I wanted to see what the wound on my uncle’s leg looked like. Since I was well equipped to gory visuals thanks to my loyalty to medical drama shows like Grey’s Anatomy, I figured I could handle a little ulcer. When I saw the picture though, I quickly realized that my aunt had underplayed the severity of my uncle’s condition. From what I saw, it seemed like the doctors chopped off my uncle’s entire calf – trust me, I’m not exaggerating! There was a gaping hole in my uncle’s leg and I could see the white calf muscle through it. I simply couldn’t believe it! I pretended to be strong and put on a brave front when I finally hugged my uncle in the hospital.

Soon, the doctors came on their rounds and began re-doing the dressing on his leg. Forgetting that real life was nothing like a medical drama, I watched the doctors unfold the wound that lay buried beneath all of those bandages. As they uncovered that gaping hole, I could see my uncle squirm in pain. “God is good! God is good!” he reminded himself. My heart broke to watch him in such pain. I couldn’t understand how it got this bad. Why did he neglect it? Why did he allow it to fester this long? I simply didn’t understand! One key point to this story is this – My uncle is an orthopedic surgeon. So it boggled my mind even more that he didn’t catch this wound before it became an “emergency!”

After my uncle settled down from the fresh agony that changing the dressing caused, and I finally got my bearings in order, I asked him to tell me why he waited this long. He looked at me and said, “I didn’t know it was this bad. I felt no pain.” Oddly enough, the reason my uncle was now in so much pain, was because he felt no pain before. He felt no pain because the flesh in his calf was dead. Because the infection killed the flesh around his muscle, he felt nothing. The only symptom he had was fever – a sign of infection.

As I reflected on what my uncle said, I realized the importance of pain. The reason his leg hurts so much now is because the wound is fresh and the tissue around it is alive. Does that make sense? Dead tissue doesn’t cause pain – Just infection but no pain. And in that moment I wondered if the purpose for pain in our lives was to remind us that we are alive. If I felt no pain, it would just be a matter of time before my heart and my soul became numb. If it didn’t hurt, I would be calloused. Pain reminds me that I’m alive, that my heart and soul are alive. Pain reminds me that it will get better. Pain reminds me that recovery is a process and when I get to the end of it, it’ll be worth it.

Today when the doctors poke my uncle’s wound and he twitches in pain, I know two things for sure – it hurts because the tissue is alive. It doesn’t hurt as much as yesterday because the process of healing has begun.

So today I want to leave this with you – I’m not sure what it is that you are going through. I don’t know how much it hurts. But this I know. If it hurts, it’s a good thing. It means you’re alive!

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

Goodbye America! #BitterSweet

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Life, Uncertainty3 Comments

As I laid my head down to rest last night, I wondered how I would react to waking up to the knowledge that my time in America had finally come to an end. Today, I got to the airport, bid my family goodbye, walked through the security lines and got lost in the crowd. I was mentally prepared to fall apart. But you know what? I didn’t! Surprisingly I was at immense rest. This must be what the Bible calls being led by God’s peace.

As I went through check-in, security check, transit and finally boarded my international flight, I saw many moments of God’s undeniable goodness even in something as insignificant as my journey back home. I’m sure He has better things to worry about but He evidently just poured out undeserving favor on my travel and let me tell you how.

Wrapping up three years of your life into 2.5 suitcases is unfortunately not as easy as you’d think it is. I stressed all of yesterday trying to pack. Out of sheer desperation, I raised my baggage from 50lbs to 70lbs, mentally telling myself it was worth the extra cost. I also had a carry on luggage, a very full backpack and a large purse. I was concerned that I will be penalized for my inability to shrink my life to fit the airlines’ baggage policy! As I walked up to the check-in counter, I nervously weighed my bags and the woman behind the desk put the “heavy weight” tag on. While I waited for her to slap me with a steep fee, she smiled at me and said, “Don’t worry about it.” Bewildered I looked at her while she kept smiling at me saying, “Ma’am, don’t worry about it.” Tell me that wasn’t the Lord?!!! When was the last time an airline waived 20lbs extra baggage??? My point exactly!

My travel itinerary included a domestic leg from Knoxville to Chicago and international leg from Chicago. If you know anything about international flights, you’ll know that they can be very snooty about baggage size, purse size and carry on. I was not following any of their regulations. I got past domestic check-in with ease. How was I supposed to handle international check-in? As I walked to the international terminal, I found out I didn’t have to go through international check-in at all. This meant, my baggage wasn’t going to be a problem. Tell me that wasn’t the Lord?!!! When was the last time you could board an international flight without having your carry on baggage weighed??? My point exactly!

Relieved to get past all security and baggage issues, I sat down by my gate, waiting to board. As I people watched, lo and behold I see a dear dear friend running toward me. He had a layover in Chicago and changed terminals to come see me. Oh how I was filled with joy! Tell me that wasn’t the Lord?!!! When it was time to board my flight, I gave my friend one last tight hug and bid him adieu. Waving my American friend goodbye, I felt like it was a symbolic reference to me waving goodbye to this country that I called home for 3yrs. And instead of being filled with sadness, I was filled with an overwhelming sense of peace. This must be what the Bible calls being led by God’s peace!

As I stand on the threshold of a new beginning, a brand new chapter in my life, I see God’s hand in these tiny aspects of my life. Isn’t it funny that even though I’m going back to the familiarity of the country I was born and raised in for 26yrs, it still feels like I’m entering a whole new world… Wandering into unchartered territory if you will! But I realize, if the Lord took this much care for the small things in my life, such as my baggage, how much more will He care for the bigger things in my life? How much thought and planning Hw must put into what seem like the uncertainties of my life?! Even though I am sad to have left my new friends, family, community and my life in America behind me, I realize it’s time for me to start afresh. It’s time for me to reunite with my family, catch up with old friends and build new community. It’s time for me to once again trust the Lord and know for a fact that He knows exactly what He is doing. Life will go on and in His time, He will make all things beautiful! While I don’t know what the future holds, I know without a shadow of doubt, WHO it is that holds my future! This is what it must feel like to be the daughter of the Prince of Peace! So India my love, I hope you’re ready for me because here I come!

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!