Category: Chaos

Surely, The Lord Is In This Place

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Chaos, Future, Life, Uncertainty, WorshipLeave a comment

Every so often, I start fresh in Genesis—journeying through the Bible from the very beginning. Each time I start over, something new speaks to me.

Recently, one verse has stayed with me:

Then Jacob awoke from his sleep and said, ‘Surely the Lord is in this place, and I did not know it.’ — Genesis 28:16

Let’s look at how Jacob came to that moment.

His mother Rebekah had convinced him to deceive his father Isaac by pretending to be his brother Esau to receive the blessing of the firstborn. This enraged Esau—Enough for him to want to kill Jacob. Fearing for Jacob’s life, Rebekah urged him to flee.

So Jacob ran—literally fleeing for his life—and ended up in the place he would later name Bethel. There, exhausted, afraid, perhaps traumatized and wrecked with guilt, Jacob lay his head on a rock. He was alone, uncertain of his future, completely out of control.

And yet—it was in that very place that God revealed Himself to Jacob in a dream. It was there that Jacob received a promise:

I am the Lord, the God of your father Abraham and the God of Isaac. The land on which you lie I will give to you and to your descendants. Your descendants will also be like the dust of the earth… and in you and in your descendants shall all the families of the earth be blessed… I am with you and will keep you wherever you go… I will not leave you until I have done what I promised you. — Genesis 28:13–15

When Jacob wakes up, he realizes something profound: God had been with him all along—he just hadn’t known it — Hadn’t perceived it.

Fast forward to the story of Joseph, Jacob’s son, recorded in Genesis 37–50.
Joseph—his father’s beloved—was sold into slavery by his own brothers. Imagine how he must have felt: scared, betrayed, abandoned, wronged. The Bible doesn’t describe his emotions, but they’re not hard to imagine.

Yet the Bible tells us this: God was with Joseph.

This young man found favor in the eyes of the Egyptian commander and was put in charge of his household. Over the next several chapters, Joseph is wronged again and again—falsely accused, imprisoned, forgotten. And yet, the Bible repeats: God was with Joseph.

My life the past few years has been focused on humanitarian assistance, providing spiritual and physical aid to hurting people around the world in Jesus’ name. The people I serve have been victims of war, poverty, natural disasters, disease, and famine. They are in their current state through no fault of their own. These people have lost their homes, land, livelihoods—even loved ones. Their future is uncertain.

Their homes are gone, but their mortgages remain.
Their cars are gone, but the payments persist.
Their loved ones are gone, but they must endure.

They didn’t ask to be in this place. But here they are.

Some haven’t even begun to process the past, let alone imagine a future.
And yet, in this place, shaped by a storm of some sorts that uprooted lives, God was there—and they weren’t even aware of it. God is there in the teams that show up to provide food, clean water, nutrition commodities, medical assistance, and even shelter; to share the love of Jesus.

So, what about you? What brought you to the place you find yourself in today? Do you see God in it? Are you aware of His presence?

Will you, like Jacob, say, “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I didn’t know it”?

Will you, like Joseph, trust that God is still with you?

Have you, like the people I get to serve, seen the Lord meet you at your point of need?

Will you let Him?

Regardless of how you got here—or how I got here—this is true:

God is in this place. And perhaps, that isn’t just enough—it’s everything.

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

I do… Till Death Do Us Part

For the past few weeks, marriage has been on my mind. This is mostly because so many of my friends are stuck in rocky marriages. Some of them barely made a year and looking to call it quits, and others, after over a decade of being together decided that it was more sane for them to walk away from each other. And some others, want to stick to their vows even when they’re the only ones in the marriage who want to honor the “Till death do us part.” As much as I want to be there for my friends, and I am, albeit with my zero knowledge and understanding of marriage, it does make me sad to see my friends sad. Marriage, in my opinion, binds you so tightly to each other, to make you one with another, that ripping it apart can only leave you torn to pieces.

I was talking to one of my colleagues the other day about this and she said to me, “Wow Rachel, this must leave you with a bad taste about marriage. But I’m sure you have examples of good marriages around you as well.” This got me thinking. Do I have good examples around me? What did marriage entail anyway? So I decided to unpack the wedding vows and see them for what they mean, not in just words, but in deeds.

“I, ___, take thee, ___, to be my wedded husband/wife…” 

My parents were far from perfect. Some days they fought like cats and dogs and it would leave me wondering what the point of them being together was if they couldn’t have a decent conversation with each other. The very next day I would watch my mom brew coffee for my dad because that’s how he likes it. She may be upset with him but he wasn’t going to be subjected to instant coffee. Not on her watch. And my dad? Ha! The man couldn’t spend an evening without my mom. If she stepped out for a meeting or a prayer, he would eat my head about when she was going to be home. As soon as she came home, he did his own thing, and she did hers. And just like that I knew the war between them was over. Did they fix their issues? Who knows! Did they talk it out? No idea! All I know is, they chose to drop the subject and carry on with life. Apparently dwelling in peace was more important than holding on to conflict.
“To have and to hold.”

My parents made more than their share of mistakes. When my dad was away in Guntur to work at a factory, my mother was left in Hyderabad to raise two young girls by herself. One of the young girls, who shall remain unnamed, was definitely a handful. My dad’s decision to do his business elsewhere cost our family togetherness, albeit for a short season. And through it all my mother encouraged him to pursue all that he wanted to. Even if she found it difficult.
“For better, for worse” 

You know our family. We are middle class just like almost every other person. Although, for several years we survived on a rickety old ambassador car that would only function if you were able to jump into it and get it started whilst pushing it up and down the slope of our basement. I’m not saying we were poor. I am saying that we weren’t rich. Even through bad financial decisions, my parents stuck together. They may not have spoken to each other from time to time, they may have even pointed fingers at each other. But they never left each other’s side. Not once.
“For richer, for poorer.”

In 2004, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. Where was my dad? Right next to her. He waited outside the operation theatre when she was in surgery, and slept alone in the patient room when she was in the ICU. He sold property and made less than profitable deals to ensure all her medical expenses were taken care of. My mother survived. Now it was his turn. His journey of sickness began in 2006 when he had a paralytic stroke. Since then his health faced several challenges. Bypass surgery. Abscess. Chronic kidney disease. Renal failure. Dialysis. Sepsis. More dialysis. Where was my mom through all of this? Right next to my dad. Getting her out of the waiting room to go home and get some rest was a herculean task. His stubbornness and often times callous attitude toward his health drove her to the point of insanity several times. But did she budge? Ha!
“In sickness and in health”

The year 2019 put our entire family to the test. Especially my parents. My dad developed sepsis this year which caused his initial method of dialysis – hemodialysis – to fail, rendering the need to switch to peritoneal dialysis. This form of dialysis required that the patient have dialysis administered to him at home, four times a day in four hour intervals. Our entire family thought that this was going to be very hard on my mom who was his caregiver, that she would have a burnout, and that she wouldn’t be able to handle it. She shouldn’t have to handle it. Guess what? My mother wouldn’t let anyone else near my dad with a 100ft pole. If there was anyone who would care for him, it was going to be her. The only other person she trusted to administer dialysis for him, was me. She put her entire life on a standstill to care for his every need. Let me tell you this – It is easy to love someone when they are at their absolute best. But when they are sick, needy, entirely dependent on you for everything from getting off the bed, to using the wash room, to putting on clothes, love has to go from an emotion to an intentional commitment. A covenant. Like my mom’s. And she honored that commitment until the very end.
“To love and to cherish, till death do us part.”

On December 30, 2019, my parents would’ve celebrated 44yrs of togetherness. Just eight days after my dad passed away.

I know that when we say “I do” we look forward to a “Happily ever after.” We are so excited about the “To have and to hold, from this day forward” and so pumped about the “Thereto, I pledge thee my devotion,” that it is easy to forget that between those two truths, lie a series of other truths – The good. The bad. The wealth. The poverty. The sickness. The ill-health. How can we want a “happily ever after” without being faithful to all that is in-between?

I know I am no expert on this subject and perhaps that stands against my credibility as a writer. But God’s Word remains true no matter who the speaker is:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
~ 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

I am certain that marriage is tough. Spending every single day of your life making your spouse the priority instead of yourself, surely can’t be easy. But don’t tell me it can’t be done. I have proof that it can. I have proof that the joy of companionship and oneness far outweighs the sacrifice.

In closing I must say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Chaos, Future, Life1 Comment

“Where Did I Go Wrong?”

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Chaos, Life, Worship1 Comment

One of the first things you’ll know about me is this – I talk to everybody. I am there for everybody. I’m a friend to everybody. However, I am very intentional about who I allow into my inner-circle. I am cautious about who I allow to invest in my life. I am careful about who I allow to see me. I know that sounds bad, but it is said, “You are only going to be as good as the people you surround yourself with.” The Bible too vouches for the same idea: “The righteous choose their friends carefully” (Proverbs 12:26a); “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm” (Proverbs 13:20). So if I call you my “Friend” you know that it is by choice. I choose you – Our relationship didn’t happen by chance. I’m sure you see the wisdom in this. So tell me, what happens when one of these carefully, intentionally chosen and loved relationships fails you?

An incident in the recent past had taken me on a rather confusing roller coaster ride with one of my most cherished friendships, leaving me feeling sad, hurt, rejected and forsaken. The dictionary definition for the term “Forsaken” is “Abandoned” or “Deserted” and yes, that pretty much sums up how I felt. Another thing you’ll know about me is that when I face crap like this, I like to quickly deal with it and move on – That’s exactly what I did. I dealt with it, forgave, asked for forgiveness, and moved on. Until, everything resurfaced this morning, when a friend in church decided to shed more light on this incident and let me tell you, the end of that conversation left me feeling smaller than the size of a pea. Now listen, this isn’t the first time I’ve been deeply hurt by friends I love and would easily take a bullet for, and I know that unfortunately this won’t be the last. But that doesn’t mean that it gets any easier, or that the pain isn’t intense. So, I did the one thing that I knew to do… I asked the Lord and myself, “Where did I go wrong?” “What did I not see?” Surely I missed something somewhere. Why else would it come to this? Why else would everything go wrong?

These thoughts swirling in my mind, I walked on to the stage, consciously deciding to switch gears from my aching heart to worshipping a sovereign God. As the music began to play, I held my microphone in my hand and waited for the lyrics to show up on the screen. The music-intro to the song was almost through but the lyrics never showed. We somehow managed to croon through the first verse… still no lyrics. All the video screens just shut down and NOTHING was working. EVERYTHING seemed to go wrong.

Now, I know what you’re thinking – technical errors happen ALL the time. Why should I make it seem like such a big deal? Well, it’s a big deal because while this scenario may perhaps be common to other churches, it isn’t common to mine. We are well prepared. The production team works tirelessly from the previous evening, making sure everything is in order. They arrive super early on Sunday morning to run through the videos, the sound check, the slide shows, the lyrics for all the songs… They do EVERYTHING in their power to ensure there isn’t a technical glitch like there was right now.

In the midst of this chaotic yet, the-show-must-go-on moment, I felt a stirring in my spirit that left me with this question – “So, where did the production team go wrong?” I realized that while I had tried to mentally switch gears, the Lord was in the mood to address and lay my concerns to rest then and there. My response, all while struggling to recollect the lyrics of the song we were still singing, was, “Nothing Lord. Not a thing.” They did everything in their power to make sure there was no technical glitch. In that moment I felt the Lord assure me that sometimes, even when you do EVERYTHING right, crap happens. You lose your job. You get skipped for a promotion. Someone else takes your place. You pay the price for someone else’s mistakes. You get blamed for something you had nothing to do with. You get hurt. You end up hurting.

Nobody wakes up thinking, “Oh, let me hurt my friend today.” It just happens. But in the midst of that crap, something else happens – You see, God is in the business of bringing beauty from ashes (Isaiah 61:3).

When the lyrics didn’t show up on the screen, the worship team sang the chorus from memory, and when we couldn’t remember any more, we just stopped singing the song that we rehearsed and couldn’t find the words to, and ended up singing a new song… a song that birthed in the hearts and mouths of everyone on the worship team, out of an adoration for their Savior, that wasn’t limited to the lyrics of the song. The audience poured out their hearts in praise… people raised their hands, knelt down on the ground… laid prostrate on the floor… turns out, nobody cared that there was a technical glitch. In that moment of everything just shutting down, true and pure worship… worship not limited to words penned by someone else, was rendered.

This experience in no way answered why I was treated the way I did or why my friend chose to forsake me. And if I’m honest, I know they didn’t intend to hurt me… It just happened. It was a technical glitch beyond my control, and possibly theirs as well. But in the midst of that hurt, the worship I choose to render to this God Who, in His divine wisdom, thought that it was in my best interest to go through the pain of this situation, is the sweetest and most genuine of all! 

“I love You Lord, and I lift my voice, to worship You. Oh my soul, rejoice!
Take joy my King in what You hear. May it be a sweet, sweet sound in Your ear.”

In closing I must say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord.

The Cross has the Final Word

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Chaos, Life, Worship1 Comment

DDBDHXWUMAEHif7The past few months have been the hardest I’ve ever experienced. I have felt rejected, small, unheard, super low on priority lists and downright blah! I’ve tasted a whole other dimension of hurt, betrayal, lies and brokenness by people I loved the most and looked up to my entire life. In the midst of this confusion about what my reaction should be, the Bible reminded me that I was indeed called to a higher calling. If we are called to love our enemies, how much more are we to love our loved ones? After all, it hurts so bad because they’re people that we have loved so deeply. But see, that’s the thing. They are people. And people, by nature, are broken.

Along with lessons of brokenness, and how even our loved ones are broken and make irreparable mistakes every now and then, I’ve learned new lessons on grace, forgiveness, love, peace, restitution and restoration. I tasted what it feels like to take the fall for someone else, to pay the price that was never mine to pay in the first place, to be confident of the decision – “Better me than him/her” … Needless to say, it wasn’t easy. It just wasn’t easy!

I cannot begin to tell you how many times I wished I could just bury my head in the ground like an ostrich and completely ignore my surroundings – But that’s a luxury I evidently did not have. I knew what the right thing to do was, but under the weight of all that was going on, the “Right thing” just seemed insignificant and pointless. Nonetheless, it was done merely because it was the right thing to do. Plus, if I don’t, who will?

Even though this entire ordeal was excruciating, the key words here being “Was” and “Excruciating,” I learned a whole lot of things about love, life, friends, family and people. But above all, I had a new appreciation for salvation – Perhaps my analogy is a bit far-fetched. Nonetheless, it made sense to me:

  • Jesus took the fall for me, a hit that was never His to take. But He did it anyway.
  • Jesus paid the price for MY sin – that price was never His to pay. But He did it anyway.
  • When Jesus hung on the cross, He looked at me and said, “Better me, than you.”

I have no business crying and telling Jesus that He had no idea what I was going through, because the shoes that He walked in, are a hundred times worse than the ones that I did. Did it hurt? Sure it did. But I wasn’t alone. And you know what? If my ultimate purpose is to be like Him, to grow into His likeness everyday, then why am I surprised that I am called to follow suite? That I am called to forgive more than seventy times seven – not once, not twice, not even 10 times but above and beyond all of that! I mean, God knows I’ve done more than my share of sinning and have said less than my share of “Sorrys”. When He forgave them all, why should I hesitate to do the same?

You know, I’m one of those people who likes to move on in life and quickly. I believe what’s done is done, nothing you can be done to change the past. So, learn from it, and get on with life. Some call it resilience, some maturity, some downright denial, some others foolishness and still more, an abuse of grace. Truth be told, I have come to realize and experience for myself that forgiveness is a choice. A hard choice, but one that frees you from the clutches of bitterness when you don’t even realize that you’re a prisoner. All the advice I got from people wiser than me, left me in a state of cognitive dissonance – What was right, what wasn’t? Could I trust my judgement anymore? Is pronouncing a sentence my call to make? Who determines how sorry the offender is? Should my forgiveness depend on the degree of their remorse? Can anyone really earn forgiveness? If I’m bearing the brunt of someone else’s actions, then am I not justified in being resentful? The answer to every single one of these questions, came in the form of yet another question – What would Jesus do? I wore that bracelet so often in my teenage years. It was now time to live it. What would Jesus do?

If you don’t take back anything else from this post, take this back – It takes more energy to be mad than it takes to forgive. And as stupid as it may seem, as complacent as it appears, or as pointless as it may be deemed, forgiveness is always the right answer!

“Why?” you ask? Because of the finished work of Jesus on the cross –

“Forgive us Lord our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us!”

After all, the cross has the final word!

In closing I must say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

What Should I “DO”?

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Chaos, Future, Life2 Comments

Today marks exactly four months since my unexpected return to India. Some days I feel like I never left. On other days, I cannot believe that I am back. Not that being back is bad. It’s just … How do I put it? … It’s weird. I wish I could explain it better but all my friends who lived in a foreign country and came back to their motherland will know what I mean. Let’s just say that reverse culture shock is a real thing. Getting readjusted to life in India is a challenge. Unfortunately not everyone understands that. People never fail to remind you that you have only been away for three years and that India is where you were born and raised. Trust me, I know that. I realize that and I am NOT trying to stand out or have a chip on my shoulder. Au contraire mon amie, all I really want more than anything is to get back to living in India – I have zero intention of keeping my heart in America and my feet here.

Other than going bonkers over the constant honking and the sudden overwhelming realization that we Indians are LOUD, it’s been good to be back – For the most part that is. It’s been wonderful to be back with family and have the freedom to go see my niece and nephews whenever I want. The first month and half was great. My only goal in life was to chill and enjoy just being here, not worrying too much about what the future holds. But after those 45 days went by, the four dreaded words came out of every single person I passed by – “So, what’s your plan?” On the surface I smile and tell them that I am taking one day at a time and seeking the Lord to show me the next steps. But on the inside, I’m screaming, pulling my hair apart, wishing with all my heart that I knew the answer to that painful question.

Some of you know that I have been working with Operation Christmas Child International as an International Field Representative (IFR). This requires me to travel quite a bit and observe distribution events, which I ABSOLUTELY love! I get to watch first hand the joy that the effort and love of you wonderful shoebox packers make on the lives of little children. If I tell you some of the stories I’ve witnessed, you’ll need a box of tissues – I kid you not. But the position of an IFR is neither full time nor permanent. While I thoroughly enjoy what I do, I once again wonder, “What next?” The more I pray about it, the more I know that the Lord hasn’t released me from OCC yet. I’m still completely sold out to the power of a simple shoebox gift. However, the most difficult part of being back in India and being with OCC is that because I travel a lot, I am unable to build any community. I know it seems weird since I’ve lived my whole life in India. Truth be told, time and distance make a big difference in friendships and community. From the time I have returned, I’ve been begging the Lord for a community. I’m constantly surrounded by this overwhelming feeling of standing with suitcases in my hand and being completely incapable of putting them down and just resting. I’m convinced that, for reasons only He knows, the Lord is intentionally keeping me from building community, laying down roots or investing in relationships.

The other day, while in Delhi on OCC work, I sat in my hotel room praying about where my life was headed. Somehow I ended up watching a video about people being in the pit from time to time. Now I’m not quite sure what happened but all I remember from that evening is that I just burst in to tears. I cried like I hadn’t in years! Once I was done, I felt like this burden lifted from my shoulders. I feel so much better. While crying my heart out to the Lord, I caught myself saying these words – “What do You want me to do Lord? Please tell me. What should I do?” And I realized, the Lord is already working in the background. He doesn’t want me to be “Doing” anything. He just wants me to BE. For a doer like me, that was hard to accept. But it explains why I’ve been so frustrated. While I want to “Do” He just wants me to “Be.” I’ll be honest – I’m still trying to figure out how to do this but at least I now know where my lesson lies. I trust the Lord with all of my heart and I know that His reasons for keeping me waiting will in time be well worth it.

So until the Lord thinks I am ready to see the manifestation of His plans for me, I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

 

Goodbye Silver Bullet

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Chaos, Future, LifeLeave a comment

Today was a very hard day for me as I bid farewell to my beloved Silver Bullet – my precious Toyota Solara – the first car I ever owned! He and I had so many adventures together. We went on spontaneous drives all over North Carolina; Surprised friends for their birthday in Virginia; Made numerous midnight ice-cream runs; Braved the snowmageddon and battled several rain storms. Today, with just one signature, Silver Bullet went on to invest in someone else’s life.

With teary eyes and a broken heart, I watched someone else drive away with him. He is no longer mine.

Silver was so much more than a car to me. He was God’s first magnanimous tangible act of faithfulness toward me. He used Silver to convince me that He was calling me to Boone, North Carolina, to be a part of Samaritan’s Purse and Operation Christmas Child. Walk with me as I relive this phenomenal story.

In early September 2015, I was offered an Associate position with Operation Christmas Child. While I was desperate for a job, I was hesitant on taking up this position because being an Associate meant that my position would only last for four months. So when January of 2016 came, I would once again be in a place of waiting and at the time, I was ready to be done with waiting. I just wanted to rest. I wanted to settle down. But I had no other open door in front of me. So, I soaked this opportunity in prayer and asked the Lord to make it very clear to me if Boone was where He was calling me. Now Boone is a tiny city of about 18,000 people and living here is impossible without a car. At the time I was using my uncle’s car so I didn’t even think about what I would do after I returned it to him.

One day, a friend I had never met in person, but who was helping me make the transition to Boone, texted me. She told me that she was praying for me and that the Lord had already provided a car for me when I came to Boone. I didn’t quite understand what she meant. I just presumed that she knew of someone selling a car and would give me that information later. Instead, she continued her text to say that she had a car and wasn’t going to need it in a couple months. She wanted to GIVE me the car. You read it right! She didn’t SELL me the car. She just GAVE it to me. Not only that, but she was able to give me the car in November, which is the exact time I needed to return my uncle’s car to him. Now tell me that wasn’t God! Clearly He went ahead of me and met my need for a car even before I realized I had the need. That day I was completely overwhelmed by what the Lord had done and how He had provided for me. Even though I bawled my eyes out in gratitude, I sat there in disbelief. In November when my friend signed the car title over to me, I was overwhelmed, speechless and in total awe of what the Lord had done.

Today, as Silver’s new owner drove him away, I bid him a teary adieu. I tried to not cry but how could I control myself? Silver is no longer mine. But I know that he will faithfully serve his new owner. As I think about Silver, I also see that in giving him to me, the Lord kept me from making any long-term investments that would have affected my finances greatly as I now leave the country. The Lord saw everything ahead of time. He knew exactly what He was doing then. Because of this, I have no doubt that God knows exactly what He is doing now and it will be for my good.

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

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Growing Pains

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Chaos, Future, LifeLeave a comment

“Wait! What???” “Why this?” “Why here?” “Why now?”.

These are often questions that we ask ourselves when things don’t necessarily go our way. When life ceases to make sense we wonder what happened. What went wrong? If there’s anyone who knows what that feels like, it’s me!

I have lived in India my whole life. I was comfortable, satisfied and deeply content with where I was and what I was doing. I had a good job, a loving family and dear friends. I had no reason to move – except, I had no peace! I knew that God was calling me out of my comfort zone. When I said yes to coming to America, I gave God an ultimatum (not my smartest of moves). I told Him I’d give him 2 years and that’s it! But the more I waited on Him, the more He made it evident that my time in America was longer than 2 years. As someone who is part of a close knit family, accepting this was by far the hardest thing I’ve had to do. Since the time I came to the United States in 2013 to pursue higher education, I have come to realize that God never called us to a life of comfort. I felt like I was uprooted from everything familiar, holding on hastily for even a remote sense of identity! I had no friends, no family, and no community. I knew that I was exactly where I was supposed to be but it didn’t feel that way at all. Until, I came to the point of realizing that my identity is in Christ. He is my friend. He is my family. He is my community. He IS enough! 

Through these 3 years in America I’ve learned that getting comfortable means settling. When we settle, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we can’t bear fruit. And we are definitely called to bear fruit. Jesus says in John 15:5a – ‘I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit.’

While each of us has heard this verse several times, I don’t think we realize that growing is PAINFUL! It means stretching beyond what we are comfortable with. It means using muscles we didn’t use before. I think there is wisdom in saying that as Christians, we are constantly exercising our faith! 

There is a song that most of us are familiar with – ‘Oceans’. The bridge is very powerful. It goes like this –

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I’ve felt like my time in America was just that – Through times of unemployment, literal homelessness – living out of my car, loneliness, sheer disappointment and complete constant uncertainty, my trust in the Lord was being continuously stretched beyond borders. When I was offered a full time position with Operation Christmas Child as a National Spokesperson, for the first time in 3 years I felt like I could rest – I could catch a break; I could settle down; I could just be.

However, that feeling was very short lived. I learned on May 18, 2016 that my visa to stay in the United States did not come through. By this time next month, I will have wrapped up my life in America and moved back to India, where once again I will be standing face to face with the same questions I asked when I came to America – “Wait! What???” “Why this?” “Why here?” “Why now?” I will once again stand on the thresholds of unemployment, loneliness, disappointment and complete uncertainty! But having been stretched beyond my comfort, I know that it is time for me to exercise my faith. This means I will need to grow deeper in the Lord and I know that growing is going to hurt. It is going to be painful. I also know without a shadow of doubt that this pain is going to be worth it! Because, ‘We know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.’ Romans 8:28.

Even though I don’t know what my future holds,
I know WHO holds my future.
And for now, that is enough.

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

If I Told You…

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Chaos, Future, Life2 Comments

Since the time people found out about my return to India, I have received a range of reactions. Some have encouraged me to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus and trust Him with this next phase. Others have felt sorry for me and felt even more pain than I myself have felt. Still others have told me how wonderful it was that I was going to be closer to my family and some others bombarded me with questions of how I will survive in my motherland – the country that raised me for 26yrs of my life and made me the woman that I am today. Some (bless their hearts) were downright mortified hearing my news.

This made me ask myself – What are people seeing in my story? What stands out to them? And I wondered – If there was anything that I wanted people to take away from my story, what would it be? What would I want them to focus on? Who would I want to shine through my story?

This song by Big Daddy Weave came to mind –

If I told you my story
You would hear Hope that wouldn’t let go
And if I told you my story
You would hear Love that never gave up
And if I told you my story
You would hear Life, but it wasn’t mine

If I told you my story
You would hear victory over the enemy
And if I told you my story
You would hear freedom that was won for me
And if I told you my story
You would hear Life overcome the grave

If I should speak then let it be
Of the grace that is greater than all my sin
Of when justice was served and where mercy wins

Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in
Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him

This is my story, this is my song
Praising my savior all the day long!

As I enter this new adventure that Jesus has very thoughtfully brought me to, I encourage you to not see the struggle, the pain, the confusion, the hurt, the disappointments or even the achievements I’ve had. Instead, my prayer is that you will see, very evidently, the loving Father, the victorious King and the great Comforter. To tell you my story, is to tell of Him!

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

I Know My Shepherd

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Chaos, Future, Life, Uncertainty1 Comment

January 18, 2016

One thing I’ve been struggling with is recognizing God’s voice and being sure of it. You already know that God’s laid it on my heart to set my eyes off of India… to quit looking over my shoulders, and to start laying down my roots here in America.

Human as I am, I cannot help but ask – What if I’m wrong? What if that voice is mine and not of the Lord? I think I feel that way because I don’t see ANYTHING! I don’t see anything working even remotely in my favor. So possibly my second-guessing isn’t so much about being unsure of God’s voice, but that my faith isn’t properly anchored.

Anyway, as I was thinking about this and wondering if I recognize the Lord or not, I felt the Spirit remind me of this verse – “He who enters by the door is a shepherd of the sheep. The sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he puts forth all his own, he goes ahead of them, and the sheep follow him because they know his voice” ~ John 10:2-4

I thought about those verses. If I know my Lord, I should know His voice. And I definitely know my Lord, my Savior, and my Father. I know my Daddy! I know His voice. I just need to trust what He is saying, in faith. At the end of the day, “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen” ~ Hebrews 11:1

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

I Know Who Goes Before Me

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Chaos, Future, UncertaintyLeave a comment

Today I did something that I never thought I’d do in my life – I drove through a snowstorm! As most of you have either heard, or are currently experiencing, the east coast is going through what some have titled the Snowmageddon or the Snowpocalypse.

Just like the many of us, I was subjected to a forced upper body workout this morning, by scrapping the snow and ice off my car. I turned the defroster and heat on and got my car all warmed up in time to head to work. I knew the weather was bad because it had snowed all night but surprisingly, the drive TO work was pretty easy. Sure I took longer than I usually do – it only makes sense to drive slowly in conditions like these – but I got there without any problems. I didn’t skid, waver, or anything like that. I got to work in one piece. And yes, I am super proud of myself!

As the day progressed, the storm kept getting worse. Around 3pm, Teresa my neighbor and co-worker called me and asked if I’d like to follow her home or just drive with her because of the intense weather. You see, we were expecting freezing rain. I thought about it and I told her I had to run a few errands before I got home. Wise woman that she is, she said she too needed to run some errands so she would drive ahead of me and I would follow. You know, just in case I got stuck on the road, she’d be close enough to help me (very thoughtful of her right? I agree!). Anyway, we got to the grocery store and started our drive back home.

I’m not exaggerating when I say this – it was an AWFUL drive! I had my defroster on and yet as I drove, the rain kept freezing my windshield. I used my wipers and for the most part it cleared the water out of my line of vision and I could drive. Until, the snow on my wipers froze and now even though they were moving, they didn’t clear out the rain from in front of my eyes. I drove as cautiously as I could but I just couldn’t see anything!!! My rear-windshield was completely frozen. There was a patch of ice on my windshield, exactly in my line of vision and I had to constantly adjust myself looking over that patch and under, at the road ahead, which now seemed so obscure. The rain was coming faster than I could clear it off. At this point, I’ll be honest with you, I got scared. Just a tad but scared all the same. All I could tell myself in that moment was – “Teresa is ahead of me. Teresa is going before me.” As I said that to myself, I turned off all distraction – radio, phone, air vents, and just kept my eyes on Teresa’s taillights. At this point they seemed blurry but I could still see them. So, I fixed my eyes firmly on her and I drove. I didn’t look at the car next to me. I didn’t care that I could not make out where my lane began and ended. I didn’t worry about the speed limit. I didn’t pay attention to the snow and ice pellets pummeling my car. All I cared about was Teresa. If she turned left, I turned left. If she put her right blinker on, I put my right blinker on. It didn’t matter what route Teresa was taking. I blindly followed Teresa and she brought me safely home.

This whole experience simply affirmed my convictions on where our focus should be in the midst of our storms and let’s be real – everybody has them! If you haven’t read my previous post titled “When the storms don’t cease,” you should take a moment to read it.

Finding myself in the center of uncertainty, I constantly keep asking where I’m headed. I want to know what the next steps are. Sometimes I want to be independent and do things on my own. After today’s experience, I have to ask myself – What if I just paid attention to the One Who goes before me? The Bible doesn’t mince words about God’s leading. It reminds us in Deuteronomy 31:8, “The LORD is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” In Isaiah 45:2, “I will go before you and make the rough places smooth; I will shatter the doors of bronze and cut through their iron bars.” In Deuteronomy 1:10, ‘The LORD your God who goes before you will Himself fight on your behalf, just as He did for you in Egypt before your eyes.”

I’m not sure what storm you find yourself in. May I be so bold as to suggest that it doesn’t matter so much as to where you’re headed, but who you are following that needs attention? In other words, the more important question is – Who goes before you? If the answer is Jesus, then His word already says that He will clear out the rough places for you (Isaiah 45:2). After all, He is not man that He should lie (Numbers 23:19). As long as your eyes on the Savior, it doesn’t matter if you are in the middle of a storm. He will take you home safely.

I know who goes before me. I know who stands behind. Do you?

In closing I must say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!