Category: Future

She Slept Through Chemo: The Prayer I May Never Have Prayed

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, UncertaintyLeave a comment

Recently, a few of us went over to our friend’s house to pray over her as she prepared for her second round of chemotherapy. My friend has stage four cancer — if you think of her, please take a moment to pray for her. There were six of us, each laying hands on her and taking turns to lift her up in prayer.

When it was my turn to pray, I remembered that the previous night, because of the steroids she was on, my friend had barely slept an hour. So along with praying that the chemo would do its work in her body, I asked the Lord to bless her with sleep as she sat in her chair receiving treatment. We blessed the Lord. We blessed our friend. Then off she went.

Later that evening, my friend texted me. She wrote:

“Also not gonna lie, when you prayed that I would be able to sleep during chemo, I thought you were a liiiittle bit crazy — but I actually did! Even with the steroids, the freezing pain, and the general discomfort, I actually fell asleep!!!! Thank you!!!!!”

I read her message a few dozen times, overwhelmed that God — the King of the universe, the King of kings and Lord of lords — heard my simple, almost naïve prayer for sleep.

You see, I had no idea what chemotherapy entailed. I didn’t know how uncomfortable it was. I didn’t know that the cold cap for her head and the frozen mittens for her hands and feet would cause her pain. A part of me wondered if I had been insensitive to pray that she might sleep through such discomfort.

But another part of me was deeply grateful — grateful that I didn’t know. Grateful that I didn’t understand. Because had I known, had I done my research and sought clarity, I probably wouldn’t have prayed for sleep. I would’ve thought it unreasonable — as if God didn’t care about the small, simple things, the desires of our hearts, however silly or “liiiittle bit crazy” they might seem.

And it made me wonder: is this why God doesn’t always let us see the full picture of our situations or our lives? Could clarity sometimes be a hindrance to faith?

What if clarity would cause us to pray only “reasonable” prayers — as though we do not serve a God who does the impossible? What if the unknown, the unclear, the uncertain, and the waiting are actually good — designed to build our faith, to keep us trusting and leaning on the Lord?

What if they teach us to pray boldly, to ask freely and without hesitation, like a child speaking to their Father?

What if the pursuit of certainty is redundant when our calling is to live by faith, not by sight?

And what if trusting the Lord with all our hearts — without leaning on our own understanding — also frees us from needing to understand at all?

Perhaps that’s not such a bad thing when the King Himself is in control.

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

Surely, The Lord Is In This Place

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Chaos, Future, Life, Uncertainty, WorshipLeave a comment

Every so often, I start fresh in Genesis—journeying through the Bible from the very beginning. Each time I start over, something new speaks to me.

Recently, one verse has stayed with me:

Then Jacob awoke from his sleep and said, ‘Surely the Lord is in this place, and I did not know it.’ — Genesis 28:16

Let’s look at how Jacob came to that moment.

His mother Rebekah had convinced him to deceive his father Isaac by pretending to be his brother Esau to receive the blessing of the firstborn. This enraged Esau—Enough for him to want to kill Jacob. Fearing for Jacob’s life, Rebekah urged him to flee.

So Jacob ran—literally fleeing for his life—and ended up in the place he would later name Bethel. There, exhausted, afraid, perhaps traumatized and wrecked with guilt, Jacob lay his head on a rock. He was alone, uncertain of his future, completely out of control.

And yet—it was in that very place that God revealed Himself to Jacob in a dream. It was there that Jacob received a promise:

I am the Lord, the God of your father Abraham and the God of Isaac. The land on which you lie I will give to you and to your descendants. Your descendants will also be like the dust of the earth… and in you and in your descendants shall all the families of the earth be blessed… I am with you and will keep you wherever you go… I will not leave you until I have done what I promised you. — Genesis 28:13–15

When Jacob wakes up, he realizes something profound: God had been with him all along—he just hadn’t known it — Hadn’t perceived it.

Fast forward to the story of Joseph, Jacob’s son, recorded in Genesis 37–50.
Joseph—his father’s beloved—was sold into slavery by his own brothers. Imagine how he must have felt: scared, betrayed, abandoned, wronged. The Bible doesn’t describe his emotions, but they’re not hard to imagine.

Yet the Bible tells us this: God was with Joseph.

This young man found favor in the eyes of the Egyptian commander and was put in charge of his household. Over the next several chapters, Joseph is wronged again and again—falsely accused, imprisoned, forgotten. And yet, the Bible repeats: God was with Joseph.

My life the past few years has been focused on humanitarian assistance, providing spiritual and physical aid to hurting people around the world in Jesus’ name. The people I serve have been victims of war, poverty, natural disasters, disease, and famine. They are in their current state through no fault of their own. These people have lost their homes, land, livelihoods—even loved ones. Their future is uncertain.

Their homes are gone, but their mortgages remain.
Their cars are gone, but the payments persist.
Their loved ones are gone, but they must endure.

They didn’t ask to be in this place. But here they are.

Some haven’t even begun to process the past, let alone imagine a future.
And yet, in this place, shaped by a storm of some sorts that uprooted lives, God was there—and they weren’t even aware of it. God is there in the teams that show up to provide food, clean water, nutrition commodities, medical assistance, and even shelter; to share the love of Jesus.

So, what about you? What brought you to the place you find yourself in today? Do you see God in it? Are you aware of His presence?

Will you, like Jacob, say, “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I didn’t know it”?

Will you, like Joseph, trust that God is still with you?

Have you, like the people I get to serve, seen the Lord meet you at your point of need?

Will you let Him?

Regardless of how you got here—or how I got here—this is true:

God is in this place. And perhaps, that isn’t just enough—it’s everything.

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

Single, Not Alone: Trusting God in the Waiting

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Life, RelationshipsLeave a comment

Service this past Sunday was interesting. It was on singleness – Definitely not what I was expecting on Mother’s Day. However, it did get me thinking about my own journey of singleness.

I’ll admit it: talking about singleness makes me uncomfortable. Hearing someone else talk about it makes me cringe. But it shouldn’t. I’m not ashamed of it. So why do I treat it like a touchy subject?

A long time ago, I made a decision—to speak openly about the things I wished more people talked about. I know there are many like me who are content in this season of life, yet still struggle from time to time. If that’s you, I want you to know: you are not alone. I see you. I feel you. I’m in the same boat. I often wonder if walking through this season of life would be easier if more people would talk about it. I think it would. Knowing you’re not alone always makes a difference.

I am 38yrs old.

When you’re my age, people stop asking the question most singles dread: “When are you getting married?” You’ve either been written off by others—or you’ve written yourself off. Maybe you’re surrounded by the narrative that you’re just not doing enough to be in the “right place” to meet someone.

There was a season when loved ones would say things like, “How are you ever going to meet someone if you’re in Africa, in the middle of nowhere? You’re doing yourself a disservice. You need to be where people can see you.” I know they meant well, and they said those things because they cared. But even with the best intentions, those words were still painful to hear.

Is walking in obedience to God’s call over my life, the reason I’m still single?

I have no doubt that God called me to missions. For a season, that meant South Sudan and Ethiopia. Today, it means the United States. If God had wanted, I could’ve met someone in the middle of a swamp. But I remained single—even among 1.3 billion people in India, where I lived until 2013.

Sunday’s sermon made some powerful points—ones that deeply resonated with me:

  • Singleness is a gift. It allows for undivided devotion to the Lord, the freedom to focus, space to grow, and the capacity to serve.
  • Your relationship status isn’t your identity.
  • Life doesn’t begin after marriage. You are living a full life now. I know I am.
  • Singleness is not a break from your purpose. If you’re not living out your purpose now, that’s a heart issue—not a relationship status issue.
  • Singleness is a sacred opportunity to spend time with the Lord—because He is enough.

I agreed with all the points, but I struggled a bit with the last one—specifically, “God is enough.”
Then why do I still want more?

I love Jesus. My life revolves around Him. He is my sun, and I am all nine planets. I do not know a life apart from Him, and I don’t want one. But when someone says Jesus should be enough in my singleness, I feel a pang of sadness. Because despite loving Him with my whole heart, I still feel a deep longing for a partner.

The Lord and I have talked about this—often. And I want to share something He showed me that has helped me deeply:

The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:15, 17).

In Adam’s most intimate season with God, God saw that it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone. That’s worth noticing. Adam didn’t feel the need for a helper. He didn’t crave for it. He didn’t desire it. He didn’t ask for it. He had no reference point for loneliness. But God saw him. He saw that he was alone. And God decided Adam needed a helper—so He created Eve.

Why bring this up? Because it’s important to recognize that you can be content in the Lord and still desire a partner. The two can co-exist; By design they can co-exist. Learning this, recognizing this, and embracing this has been nothing short of freeing.

A few more thoughts I wish we talked about more often:

  • Embrace your singleness. Really enjoy it. Take care of yourself. Go on those trips you’ve saved in your reels. Don’t wait to live your life. I grew up hearing, “Do whatever you want after you’re married, with your husband.” I’m so glad I didn’t listen. I’ve traveled solo and with friends—and I have zero regrets.
  • Be the best aunt you can be. Your siblings’ and friends’ kids may have other aunties—but they are not you.
  • Celebrate others—but allow yourself to grieve. When younger friends and cousins get married, rejoice with them. But also acknowledge your own longing. That grief is real.
  • You don’t always have to be strong. On the hard days, let yourself feel it. Cry. Grieve. Eat ice cream straight from the carton. Your tears are not a betrayal of your faith. You can trust God and be sad. They are not mutually exclusive. Feel the down in the dumps, but don’t stay there.
  • Cherish your married friends. Don’t discount them just because you’re in different life stages. Be the third wheel if you must. A tuk-tuk has three wheels—and it’s fun!
  • Wrestle with the Lord. Lament. He’s not afraid of your tears or your questions. And if, like me, you don’t know what to ask—just sit in His presence and let the tears fall freely.
  • Trust Jesus with your desires. Even if they are never fulfilled, He is still trustworthy.

Don’t reason your way through your singleness:

  • “Did I do something to deserve this?”
    Oh friend—if we all got what we deserved… yikes.
  • “I must be unlovable or damaged.”
    How dare you! You are deeply loved—by friends, family, and above all, your Creator. Don’t disregard the love you have, because of a love you do not.
  • “Am I not good enough?”
    There is nothing “not enough” about you. You are more than enough.
  • “Maybe my standards are too high?”
    Choosing a life partner is second only to choosing to follow Christ. Don’t you dare apologize for having standards.
  • “Being single means I can’t have a family.”
    Ask your parents, siblings, and friends if they consider you family. You already belong.
  • “Life will be better when I’m married.”
    If you’re not fulfilled now, you won’t be fulfilled in marriage.
  • “God is holding out on me.”
    “He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all—how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?” (Romans 8:32)
  • “Single = Alone.”
    Are you isolating yourself? If not, you’re not alone.
  • “I need to look a certain way to be desirable.”
    That’s a lie I believed for too long. Surely if I lose just a few more lbs/kgs someone will notice me. What happens when you gain weight? Or age? Beauty fades, bodies change. You are fearfully and wonderfully made—Don’t ever forget that.
  • “It’s too late for me.”
    That’s what Abraham, Sarah, Zechariah, Elizabeth thought. But God…!!!

I have often prayed, as I am sure you have too: “Lord, if marriage is not Your plan for me, just tell me. Then I will know for sure, and I can move on with my life.”

I have come to realize that the pursuit of certainty is redundant when the calling is to live by faith and not by sight. What I see and understand is so very minute and miniscule in significance to all that I don’t see or understand. So, I have decided that I will embrace whatever the Lord has allowed for me to have right now, to be faithful to what He has placed in my hands. If the Lord is truly the Keeper of my heart, then it is His job to care for it, shield it, protect it, and entrust it to another.

There is a lot I do not know, but this I do know:

“As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15)
Even if it is a house of one.

“Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain” (Psalm 127:1a)
Let the Lord build. You chill. Travel. Spoil your nieces and nephews.

I lift my eyes up; my help comes from the Lord.

This is the Way. Walk in it.

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Life, WorshipLeave a comment

I was recently deboarding a plane, and there was a mama behind me, calling out directions, “Go! Go!” I looked around to see who she was talking to. And sure enough, about 2ft off the floor, was this little munchkin toddling about behind me. She was listening to the instruction her mama was giving her, and followed through as best as she could. The mama was struggling with her bags and didn’t have enough hands to hold the toddler. I decided to help, and offered my guiding hand to this little explorer. She clutched my hand, and we made our way out of the plane, and down the stairs to the buses. Mama and baby were to go to Nigeria, while I was on my way to South Sudan. “Come on, let’s go. This way!” mama called out to the little girl when it was time for us to part ways. They were headed to Abuja. I was not. Whether the little girl kicked and screamed, or smiled and laughed, THAT was the direction she had to go in – the one her mama was leading her in.

Over the past few months I been thinking a lot about direction, God’s leading, choices, and the impact of our choices on the prevailing of God’s will. My prayer has been this – Lord, if I have a choice in the direction my life is headed, where does, “the steps of a righteous man are ordered by God,” come into play? Are You directing my steps, or am I choosing them?

The year 2023 is going to be a year of change, of new beginnings. It’s going to be a fresh start, in a new location, serving a new people. It is as scary, as it is exciting. The choice I make, will determine whether I stay in South Sudan, or move to another country. What if it’s a location I don’t want to go to? How will I know that that choice is the right one?

I was texting a friend about the direction I think the Lord is leading me in. No sooner than I pressed ‘send,’ I received a call, and on the other side was my loving friend, asking me with genuine concern, “Rachel, what are you doing? Have you thought this through? You know you have a choice. God can use you just as well in a different direction.”  Choice. I do have a choice.

From the time I asked myself that life defining question, “What is it that I’m doing that has any eternal gain?” my choices have been a series of denying myself and following Christ. Quitting a well-paying and stable job to pursue higher education at a time when I should’ve been home, starting a family and laying down roots; staying in the U.S. even when it didn’t seem like another job was on the horizon, trusting that He will provide; returning to India and feeling like I didn’t have the opportunity to lay down roots even though I desperately wanted to; coming to a conflict-ridden place like South Sudan; staying in this warzone for over three years; and now, heading to another disaster-stricken location.

The choices I have made have definitely not been in my best interest – at least in the way you and I understand it. But for the kingdom of heaven, they have been pivotal. God doesn’t need me to accomplish His purposes. I know this. And yet He calls out, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” My unequivocal response, a thousand times, is this – “Here I am Lord, send me” (Isaiah 6:8).  

Yes, I have a choice. Therefore, I choose to say yes to any, and every opportunity He gives me to walk in obedience to Him, and in service to His people, wherever they may be – India, America, South Sudan, Timbuktu.

And when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left, your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it’ ~ Isaiah 30:21

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord

God Was With (insert name)

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Life, South Sudan, Uncertainty1 Comment

In less than three months, I would’ve completed three years of living in and loving South Sudan. Every ounce of service I’ve rendered to the people of this country has been worth it. Sure, living in a war-torn country has its pitfalls, but the calling has always been certain. It has always been sure. Until, around this time last year when I began praying about my next steps. South Sudan was never part of any of my plans, yet here I was. At the end of my first year in Juba, I asked the Lord if it was time for me to leave. His response was sure and certain – “Stay longer. Dig deeper.” So, during my second year in this young nation, that’s what I did. I dug deeper. Deeper in my job. Deeper in my relationships. Deeper in my personal growth. I became even more intentional with people, and that much more intentional with my job.

When you live in a country like South Sudan, life is unique. You have freedom, but your freedom is restricted. For example, all NGOs have a curfew – You must be back on your compound by 8pm. Also, you live on a compound. It is gated, fenced with barbwires, and has uniformed guards 24/7. As a woman, you have to exercise more caution – You can’t drive here. You can’t even go out for a walk by yourself. You must be escorted at all times. Sometimes, in the stillness of the night, you will randomly hear gunshots go off, with no explanation of why. After a certain time, locations like South Sudan begin to wear you out. It is easy to see why there is a quick turn over of aid-workers. So, at the end of two years of being here, I wasn’t out of line to once again ask the Lord if it was time for me to leave. After all, I had lived here for two full years. Without waiting for an answer, I started talking about wanting to leave with my leadership. I reached out to colleagues at our international head quarters to see if there were any openings outside of South Sudan. I knocked on every door I could find because I was convinced that two years here was long enough. I needed a change. Someone from our leadership asked me if I would stay longer, if I was offered a change here in South Sudan. I distinctly remember saying to him, “Saying yes to South Sudan, means I’m saying no to a lot of other things. I will have to think about it.” While I wasn’t entirely wrong in my statement, I only realized several months after that conversation that I was somehow convinced that if I wanted “more” out of my life, it could only happen when and if I left South Sudan, as if God was incapable of providing that “more” right here.

Over the past few days I’ve been reading the incredible story of Joseph that is recorded in the book of Genesis, chapters 37-50. Without going into too much detail, Joseph was the darling of his father, the apple of his eye. His brothers were jealous of the favoritism his dad showed him. Eventually they sell him off to a group of Egyptians, and he ends up in an Egyptian commander’s house as his slave. This is the very first in the story of Joseph where it says, “God was with Joseph.” This young boy finds favor in the eyes of the commander and is put in charge of his entire household. Because “God was with Joseph,” the commander and his household were blessed. Joseph is eventually falsely accused of making sexual advances toward the Commander’s wife, and is thrown into prison. The Bible says, “God was with Joseph.” He soon finds favor in the eyes of the Jailer, and he is put in charge of the entire prison. Long story short, Joseph makes his way up to being only next in command to Pharaoh, an eventuality that nobody could’ve possibly foreseen. What stands out to me in this, ‘rags to riches’ story, isn’t that Joseph went from rags, to riches, but that when he was in rags, “God was with Joseph.” In the lowest of lows, in the midst of captivity and slavery, in the hardest of hard places, “God was with Joseph.” For God to be with Joseph, Joseph didn’t have to be in another location. He didn’t have to be at a certain stage or season or phase in life. Wherever Joseph was, God met him there. God was with Joseph in the pit. God was with Joseph in the Commander’s house. God was with Joseph in the prison. God was with Joseph in Pharaoh’s house.

This morning in church we were singing the song “Goodness of God.” It’s one of my favorite songs and I’ve sung it so many times. Today however, the bridge hit me like a ton of bricks – “Your goodness is running after, it’s running after me.” I realized, without a shadow of doubt, that to experience God’s goodness, I didn’t have to leave South Sudan. I could experience it right here, just as I have over the past two years. What makes me think that God’s goodness is suddenly going to be withheld from me because I am entering year three? I know it seems foolish, and it is, but when feelings of being stuck and uncertain get in the way of your vision of who God is, and what He’s calling you to do, it is easy to get carried away. Please, don’t get me wrong. I’m not implying that living in a war-torn country is a cake-walk. It most definitely is not. Over the past few months I have wanted to desperately leave and make a run for it, and it was frustrating the daylights out of me that the Lord simply wouldn’t let me. It is true that saying “Yes” to South Sudan is definitely saying “No” to a lot of things, but I have to resonate with David’s words – “I will not offer to the Lord my God sacrifices that have cost me nothing.”

Yes, staying longer in South Sudan will cost me, but the cost of obedience is always worth it, whether I feel it or not, whether I see it or not. So, until it’s time to leave, I will stay. I will trust in the Lord with all of my heart, and I will not lean on my own understanding. In all of my ways I will acknowledge Him, and He will make my paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6).

You prepare a table before me, in the presence of my enemies. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life (Psalm 23: 5-6 bits and pieces).

Here’s four points that you should take back from this post:

  1. Regardless of where you are, God is with you; Even if it doesn’t feel that way.
  2. Surely, goodness and mercy will follow you all the days of your life.
  3. God is faithful. He always has been. He always will be. He is trustworthy. He will not let you down.
  4. If God’s making you wait, He has good reason for it; Even if He won’t share the reason with you.

When darkness seems to hide His face
I’ll rest on His unchanging grace
Through every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil.

On Christ the solid rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand.
All other ground is sinking sand.

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord.

I do… Till Death Do Us Part

For the past few weeks, marriage has been on my mind. This is mostly because so many of my friends are stuck in rocky marriages. Some of them barely made a year and looking to call it quits, and others, after over a decade of being together decided that it was more sane for them to walk away from each other. And some others, want to stick to their vows even when they’re the only ones in the marriage who want to honor the “Till death do us part.” As much as I want to be there for my friends, and I am, albeit with my zero knowledge and understanding of marriage, it does make me sad to see my friends sad. Marriage, in my opinion, binds you so tightly to each other, to make you one with another, that ripping it apart can only leave you torn to pieces.

I was talking to one of my colleagues the other day about this and she said to me, “Wow Rachel, this must leave you with a bad taste about marriage. But I’m sure you have examples of good marriages around you as well.” This got me thinking. Do I have good examples around me? What did marriage entail anyway? So I decided to unpack the wedding vows and see them for what they mean, not in just words, but in deeds.

“I, ___, take thee, ___, to be my wedded husband/wife…” 

My parents were far from perfect. Some days they fought like cats and dogs and it would leave me wondering what the point of them being together was if they couldn’t have a decent conversation with each other. The very next day I would watch my mom brew coffee for my dad because that’s how he likes it. She may be upset with him but he wasn’t going to be subjected to instant coffee. Not on her watch. And my dad? Ha! The man couldn’t spend an evening without my mom. If she stepped out for a meeting or a prayer, he would eat my head about when she was going to be home. As soon as she came home, he did his own thing, and she did hers. And just like that I knew the war between them was over. Did they fix their issues? Who knows! Did they talk it out? No idea! All I know is, they chose to drop the subject and carry on with life. Apparently dwelling in peace was more important than holding on to conflict.
“To have and to hold.”

My parents made more than their share of mistakes. When my dad was away in Guntur to work at a factory, my mother was left in Hyderabad to raise two young girls by herself. One of the young girls, who shall remain unnamed, was definitely a handful. My dad’s decision to do his business elsewhere cost our family togetherness, albeit for a short season. And through it all my mother encouraged him to pursue all that he wanted to. Even if she found it difficult.
“For better, for worse” 

You know our family. We are middle class just like almost every other person. Although, for several years we survived on a rickety old ambassador car that would only function if you were able to jump into it and get it started whilst pushing it up and down the slope of our basement. I’m not saying we were poor. I am saying that we weren’t rich. Even through bad financial decisions, my parents stuck together. They may not have spoken to each other from time to time, they may have even pointed fingers at each other. But they never left each other’s side. Not once.
“For richer, for poorer.”

In 2004, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. Where was my dad? Right next to her. He waited outside the operation theatre when she was in surgery, and slept alone in the patient room when she was in the ICU. He sold property and made less than profitable deals to ensure all her medical expenses were taken care of. My mother survived. Now it was his turn. His journey of sickness began in 2006 when he had a paralytic stroke. Since then his health faced several challenges. Bypass surgery. Abscess. Chronic kidney disease. Renal failure. Dialysis. Sepsis. More dialysis. Where was my mom through all of this? Right next to my dad. Getting her out of the waiting room to go home and get some rest was a herculean task. His stubbornness and often times callous attitude toward his health drove her to the point of insanity several times. But did she budge? Ha!
“In sickness and in health”

The year 2019 put our entire family to the test. Especially my parents. My dad developed sepsis this year which caused his initial method of dialysis – hemodialysis – to fail, rendering the need to switch to peritoneal dialysis. This form of dialysis required that the patient have dialysis administered to him at home, four times a day in four hour intervals. Our entire family thought that this was going to be very hard on my mom who was his caregiver, that she would have a burnout, and that she wouldn’t be able to handle it. She shouldn’t have to handle it. Guess what? My mother wouldn’t let anyone else near my dad with a 100ft pole. If there was anyone who would care for him, it was going to be her. The only other person she trusted to administer dialysis for him, was me. She put her entire life on a standstill to care for his every need. Let me tell you this – It is easy to love someone when they are at their absolute best. But when they are sick, needy, entirely dependent on you for everything from getting off the bed, to using the wash room, to putting on clothes, love has to go from an emotion to an intentional commitment. A covenant. Like my mom’s. And she honored that commitment until the very end.
“To love and to cherish, till death do us part.”

On December 30, 2019, my parents would’ve celebrated 44yrs of togetherness. Just eight days after my dad passed away.

I know that when we say “I do” we look forward to a “Happily ever after.” We are so excited about the “To have and to hold, from this day forward” and so pumped about the “Thereto, I pledge thee my devotion,” that it is easy to forget that between those two truths, lie a series of other truths – The good. The bad. The wealth. The poverty. The sickness. The ill-health. How can we want a “happily ever after” without being faithful to all that is in-between?

I know I am no expert on this subject and perhaps that stands against my credibility as a writer. But God’s Word remains true no matter who the speaker is:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
~ 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

I am certain that marriage is tough. Spending every single day of your life making your spouse the priority instead of yourself, surely can’t be easy. But don’t tell me it can’t be done. I have proof that it can. I have proof that the joy of companionship and oneness far outweighs the sacrifice.

In closing I must say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Chaos, Future, Life1 Comment

Hasta La Vista 2016!

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Life3 Comments

In less than three days we will find ourselves at the threshold of a brand new year – 2017. I still remember when I rang in 2016. Where did the year go? When this year began I was pretty certain it would take its own sweet time to come to an end but boy was I wrong!!! Seems like just yesterday I wished the world a happy new year 2016.

When I look back at this year, I can barely get my bearings right as I think about all the experiences that unfolded over the past 12 months. In some ways my life doesn’t seem to have changed a bit since the beginning of 2016 to now – I was knee deep in uncertainty then and I am knee deep in uncertainty now. Along with that, another thing that hasn’t changed, is my hope in the God Who is in control of that uncertainty and the assurance that my future is uncertain only to me. God knows exactly what He’s doing!

2016 has been a year that has challenged me in more ways than I have the courage to admit. It opened my eyes to a whole new understanding of Who God is and His unwavering, unchanging character, which alone remains my anchor for the new year to come. This year has made me stronger, smarter, more vulnerable, more open to letting people see my not-so-strong side, more passionate, more loving, more giving and here’s my favorite – more sensitive to God and to what’s on His heart for both me and those around me.

From standing on the verge of giving up any idea of staying in the US, to watching the Lord move mountains to prove otherwise, to finally being convinced of where I belong, to heartbreaking disappointments, to feeling like the battle was mine alone, to throwing a tantrum before the Lord and then letting Him set me straight (Yikes!), to being consumed by an overwhelming sense of uncertainty over every aspect of my life, to understanding and for a change, truly trusting with all of my heart, even when I don’t see the evidence of that trust, that God, and He alone is in control of my past, present and future, 2016 year has been quite the roller coaster ride and I am a better woman for it.

I often wonder why trials and challenges come my way – I’m pretty certain I’m not the only one who thinks about this. Truth be told, the lessons you learn in your brokenness are the lessons that end up building your character and making you the person you were meant to be. Times of trials chisel our hearts to be sensitive to God’s love, His voice and His specific will for our lives, if we can only still ourselves long enough to trust His heart.

If there is one lesson I’ve learned this past year that I will surely take with me in to 2017, it is this – That God is unchanging and I can take Him for His word – Not my words. He says so in Micah 3:6, “I the Lord do not change.” Because of His unchanging character, I will, like the Psalmist say, “Your testimonies are my delight; They counsel me” (Ps 119:24).

Because He was my provider (Genesis 22:14) in 2016 and because He does not change, He will be my provider in 2017.

Because He loved me in 2016 and because He does not change, He will love me in 2017. Also, He’s already said that He loves me with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3).

Because His Word has been a lamp to my feet (Psalm 119:108) in 2016 and because He does not change, His Word will guide me in 2017.

Because He moved mountains to fight my battles on my behalf (2 Chronicles 20:15) in 2016 and because He does not change, He will fight my battles in 2017.

Because He knew the plans He had for me in 2016 and because He does not change, He knows the plans He has for me in 2017. Plans to prosper me and not harm me. Plans to give me a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).

Because He held my hand and didn’t let go of me (Deuteronomy 31:6) in 2016 and because He does not change, He will hold my hand and won’t let go of me in 2017. And that confidence, that confidence alone is reason enough for me to look forward to a brand new year 2017.

Here’s to another roller coaster ride with God! Happy New Year everyone!

#neveradullmomentwithJesus

In closing I must say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

 

What Should I “DO”?

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Chaos, Future, Life2 Comments

Today marks exactly four months since my unexpected return to India. Some days I feel like I never left. On other days, I cannot believe that I am back. Not that being back is bad. It’s just … How do I put it? … It’s weird. I wish I could explain it better but all my friends who lived in a foreign country and came back to their motherland will know what I mean. Let’s just say that reverse culture shock is a real thing. Getting readjusted to life in India is a challenge. Unfortunately not everyone understands that. People never fail to remind you that you have only been away for three years and that India is where you were born and raised. Trust me, I know that. I realize that and I am NOT trying to stand out or have a chip on my shoulder. Au contraire mon amie, all I really want more than anything is to get back to living in India – I have zero intention of keeping my heart in America and my feet here.

Other than going bonkers over the constant honking and the sudden overwhelming realization that we Indians are LOUD, it’s been good to be back – For the most part that is. It’s been wonderful to be back with family and have the freedom to go see my niece and nephews whenever I want. The first month and half was great. My only goal in life was to chill and enjoy just being here, not worrying too much about what the future holds. But after those 45 days went by, the four dreaded words came out of every single person I passed by – “So, what’s your plan?” On the surface I smile and tell them that I am taking one day at a time and seeking the Lord to show me the next steps. But on the inside, I’m screaming, pulling my hair apart, wishing with all my heart that I knew the answer to that painful question.

Some of you know that I have been working with Operation Christmas Child International as an International Field Representative (IFR). This requires me to travel quite a bit and observe distribution events, which I ABSOLUTELY love! I get to watch first hand the joy that the effort and love of you wonderful shoebox packers make on the lives of little children. If I tell you some of the stories I’ve witnessed, you’ll need a box of tissues – I kid you not. But the position of an IFR is neither full time nor permanent. While I thoroughly enjoy what I do, I once again wonder, “What next?” The more I pray about it, the more I know that the Lord hasn’t released me from OCC yet. I’m still completely sold out to the power of a simple shoebox gift. However, the most difficult part of being back in India and being with OCC is that because I travel a lot, I am unable to build any community. I know it seems weird since I’ve lived my whole life in India. Truth be told, time and distance make a big difference in friendships and community. From the time I have returned, I’ve been begging the Lord for a community. I’m constantly surrounded by this overwhelming feeling of standing with suitcases in my hand and being completely incapable of putting them down and just resting. I’m convinced that, for reasons only He knows, the Lord is intentionally keeping me from building community, laying down roots or investing in relationships.

The other day, while in Delhi on OCC work, I sat in my hotel room praying about where my life was headed. Somehow I ended up watching a video about people being in the pit from time to time. Now I’m not quite sure what happened but all I remember from that evening is that I just burst in to tears. I cried like I hadn’t in years! Once I was done, I felt like this burden lifted from my shoulders. I feel so much better. While crying my heart out to the Lord, I caught myself saying these words – “What do You want me to do Lord? Please tell me. What should I do?” And I realized, the Lord is already working in the background. He doesn’t want me to be “Doing” anything. He just wants me to BE. For a doer like me, that was hard to accept. But it explains why I’ve been so frustrated. While I want to “Do” He just wants me to “Be.” I’ll be honest – I’m still trying to figure out how to do this but at least I now know where my lesson lies. I trust the Lord with all of my heart and I know that His reasons for keeping me waiting will in time be well worth it.

So until the Lord thinks I am ready to see the manifestation of His plans for me, I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

 

Goodbye America! #BitterSweet

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Life, Uncertainty3 Comments

As I laid my head down to rest last night, I wondered how I would react to waking up to the knowledge that my time in America had finally come to an end. Today, I got to the airport, bid my family goodbye, walked through the security lines and got lost in the crowd. I was mentally prepared to fall apart. But you know what? I didn’t! Surprisingly I was at immense rest. This must be what the Bible calls being led by God’s peace.

As I went through check-in, security check, transit and finally boarded my international flight, I saw many moments of God’s undeniable goodness even in something as insignificant as my journey back home. I’m sure He has better things to worry about but He evidently just poured out undeserving favor on my travel and let me tell you how.

Wrapping up three years of your life into 2.5 suitcases is unfortunately not as easy as you’d think it is. I stressed all of yesterday trying to pack. Out of sheer desperation, I raised my baggage from 50lbs to 70lbs, mentally telling myself it was worth the extra cost. I also had a carry on luggage, a very full backpack and a large purse. I was concerned that I will be penalized for my inability to shrink my life to fit the airlines’ baggage policy! As I walked up to the check-in counter, I nervously weighed my bags and the woman behind the desk put the “heavy weight” tag on. While I waited for her to slap me with a steep fee, she smiled at me and said, “Don’t worry about it.” Bewildered I looked at her while she kept smiling at me saying, “Ma’am, don’t worry about it.” Tell me that wasn’t the Lord?!!! When was the last time an airline waived 20lbs extra baggage??? My point exactly!

My travel itinerary included a domestic leg from Knoxville to Chicago and international leg from Chicago. If you know anything about international flights, you’ll know that they can be very snooty about baggage size, purse size and carry on. I was not following any of their regulations. I got past domestic check-in with ease. How was I supposed to handle international check-in? As I walked to the international terminal, I found out I didn’t have to go through international check-in at all. This meant, my baggage wasn’t going to be a problem. Tell me that wasn’t the Lord?!!! When was the last time you could board an international flight without having your carry on baggage weighed??? My point exactly!

Relieved to get past all security and baggage issues, I sat down by my gate, waiting to board. As I people watched, lo and behold I see a dear dear friend running toward me. He had a layover in Chicago and changed terminals to come see me. Oh how I was filled with joy! Tell me that wasn’t the Lord?!!! When it was time to board my flight, I gave my friend one last tight hug and bid him adieu. Waving my American friend goodbye, I felt like it was a symbolic reference to me waving goodbye to this country that I called home for 3yrs. And instead of being filled with sadness, I was filled with an overwhelming sense of peace. This must be what the Bible calls being led by God’s peace!

As I stand on the threshold of a new beginning, a brand new chapter in my life, I see God’s hand in these tiny aspects of my life. Isn’t it funny that even though I’m going back to the familiarity of the country I was born and raised in for 26yrs, it still feels like I’m entering a whole new world… Wandering into unchartered territory if you will! But I realize, if the Lord took this much care for the small things in my life, such as my baggage, how much more will He care for the bigger things in my life? How much thought and planning Hw must put into what seem like the uncertainties of my life?! Even though I am sad to have left my new friends, family, community and my life in America behind me, I realize it’s time for me to start afresh. It’s time for me to reunite with my family, catch up with old friends and build new community. It’s time for me to once again trust the Lord and know for a fact that He knows exactly what He is doing. Life will go on and in His time, He will make all things beautiful! While I don’t know what the future holds, I know without a shadow of doubt, WHO it is that holds my future! This is what it must feel like to be the daughter of the Prince of Peace! So India my love, I hope you’re ready for me because here I come!

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

Enjoy the Free Fall

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Life, UncertaintyLeave a comment

In four days I will be leaving Boone for good, and in ten days I will be bidding America adieu. While I know without a shadow of doubt that I am, at this very moment, in the center of God’s will, for the first time in my life, I have no plan. I have NEVER, not had a plan. But this time, as I watched the Lord shut the door to staying in America, I decided I wanted to enjoy every single minute that I spend here before I leave this country that I have grown to love. Because of this, I have consciously chosen not to think or plan about life in India, until I actually leave American soil and land on Indian ground. When I get to India, I know that the Lord will reveal to me what He wants me to do there. After all, He is the one taking me there.

So, as part of my intentional, “Enjoy America while you can” attitude, I decided that I was going to check at least one thing off of my bucket list. On June 6, 2016, I signed several accident and death waivers, strapped myself to a harness and jumped off a plane at a height of 10,000 feet. Yes, I went Skydiving! It was the most phenomenal experience I’ve ever had. I would do it again in a heartbeat and I highly recommend that everyone do it at least once in his or her lifetime! I know I say this now that my feet have safely grounded themselves on land. But, I have to admit, when I drove up to the Skydiving center in DC, I was nervous. I wasn’t going to back out of it of course but I kept wondering what possessed me to give in to this insanity. As I sat through the instructions of what was expected of me when I jump off the plane, I thought to myself, “This instructor is nuts if he thinks I’m going to remember all of that when my heart is lodged tightly in my throat.” Thankfully, he ended the training by reminding us that we will be strapped to an instructor who knows exactly what he is doing.

As my instructor strapped on my harness, he reminded me that he had over 7,000 jumps under his belt and that because he was in charge, I had nothing to worry about. He said that when we get on the plane, he would strap himself on to me and would instruct me every step of the way, at the right time – Not too soon. Not too late. So, placing my trust and literally my entire life in the hands of this complete stranger, I got on to the tiny jet with about nine other people. While we were on the plane, my instructor began working on strapping my harness on to his own. I hadn’t a clue of what he was doing and honestly, even if he explained it to me, I’d probably not understand. All I knew was that he was tugging at the various straps on my harness and constantly giving me instructions – stand up, sit down, move to the front, lean back, bend to the side… I had no idea why he was asking me to do these but I obeyed implicitly. I didn’t question him because I knew that he was my instructor. He knew what he was doing.

Finally, it came time for us to slide to the door of the plane. As he gave me final instructions, he reminded me that he knew exactly what he was doing and that all that was required of me was to simply follow his instructions as and when he gave them. With a quick “1, 2, whoa!” my instructor pushed us out of the 10,000 ft high plane and we began the downward spiral to the ground. As I felt the rush of the free fall, I couldn’t believe what I had done. I could see the Blue Ridge Mountains to my left, the glorious sky around me, the white cotton-ball-like clouds above me and the hard ground below me. As we were falling, my instructor tapped on my shoulder and instructed me to arch my back and raise my hands and legs to enjoy the free fall. And you know what? As I paid heed to his instruction, I did just that – I enjoyed the free fall. I didn’t care that I didn’t know my instructor’s plan. I didn’t care that I could splat on the ground very hard and very fast. I didn’t care that I was at the mercy of the wind swaying me in every possible direction. I didn’t care that my parachute wasn’t open. Heck I didn’t even know where the parachute was. I just knew that my instructor knew when to open the parachute and as long as he knew when to open it, I was fine. After an amazing 60secs free fall, my instructor pulled the parachute open and the pressure of the winds pulled us high up into the sky. While gliding through the sky, I once again felt my instructor tugging at my harness. Let me repeat myself here – My instructor and I were in mid air and he was working on my harness! One wrong move and I could easily get detached from him, fall to the ground and die! But I wasn’t scared. I completely trusted him. I trusted that he knew exactly what he was doing. He loosened the harness to make me more comfortable and eventually allowed me to even maneuver the parachute. Soon, he gave me instructions on landing and before I knew it, my butt gently grazed through the grass and I was back on the ground.

As my skydiving experience came to end, I realized that I did more than check something off my bucket list… I had learned a very practical and powerful lesson on faith and trust. Today I stand on the threshold of a very uncertain future. I can feel my Lord, the great Instructor working behind the scenes and I know without a shadow of doubt that He knows exactly what He is doing. I don’t see it. In fact, I don’t see anything. I don’t hear Him give me any instructions right now. But I know that I as I sit in that plane and head back to India, at just the right time, He will give me tell me what to do. At just the right time, He will reveal His plans. Until then, I choose to take comfort in the fact that I am tightly harnessed to the Lord. He has got my back. He’s holding me. He knows where the parachute is at and He knows when to open it. He knows how to maneuver it. He knows exactly what He is doing. And because of this, as I take this leap of faith into the next chapter of my life, I choose to enjoy the free fall… the rush that comes in fully and completely placing my faith, my hope and my trust in my Instructor, my Best Friend, my Father and my God, who is the Lord Jesus Christ.

If you, like me are headed for the unknown, unable to see what the Lord is doing or where He is leading you, may I encourage you – take the leap. Enjoy the free fall. You won’t regret it. The great Instructor has your back. He knows exactly what He is doing and when the time is right, He will instruct you in what you should do. And who knows, He may even let you maneuver the parachute!

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

Neha and I getting ready to board the plane
All harnessed up
Heading to the door of the plane
1, 2, whoa!
Free Fall
Free Fall
The parachute is now open
Can you see me maneuvering the shoot?