Category: Uncertainty

She Slept Through Chemo: The Prayer I May Never Have Prayed

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, UncertaintyLeave a comment

Recently, a few of us went over to our friend’s house to pray over her as she prepared for her second round of chemotherapy. My friend has stage four cancer — if you think of her, please take a moment to pray for her. There were six of us, each laying hands on her and taking turns to lift her up in prayer.

When it was my turn to pray, I remembered that the previous night, because of the steroids she was on, my friend had barely slept an hour. So along with praying that the chemo would do its work in her body, I asked the Lord to bless her with sleep as she sat in her chair receiving treatment. We blessed the Lord. We blessed our friend. Then off she went.

Later that evening, my friend texted me. She wrote:

“Also not gonna lie, when you prayed that I would be able to sleep during chemo, I thought you were a liiiittle bit crazy — but I actually did! Even with the steroids, the freezing pain, and the general discomfort, I actually fell asleep!!!! Thank you!!!!!”

I read her message a few dozen times, overwhelmed that God — the King of the universe, the King of kings and Lord of lords — heard my simple, almost naïve prayer for sleep.

You see, I had no idea what chemotherapy entailed. I didn’t know how uncomfortable it was. I didn’t know that the cold cap for her head and the frozen mittens for her hands and feet would cause her pain. A part of me wondered if I had been insensitive to pray that she might sleep through such discomfort.

But another part of me was deeply grateful — grateful that I didn’t know. Grateful that I didn’t understand. Because had I known, had I done my research and sought clarity, I probably wouldn’t have prayed for sleep. I would’ve thought it unreasonable — as if God didn’t care about the small, simple things, the desires of our hearts, however silly or “liiiittle bit crazy” they might seem.

And it made me wonder: is this why God doesn’t always let us see the full picture of our situations or our lives? Could clarity sometimes be a hindrance to faith?

What if clarity would cause us to pray only “reasonable” prayers — as though we do not serve a God who does the impossible? What if the unknown, the unclear, the uncertain, and the waiting are actually good — designed to build our faith, to keep us trusting and leaning on the Lord?

What if they teach us to pray boldly, to ask freely and without hesitation, like a child speaking to their Father?

What if the pursuit of certainty is redundant when our calling is to live by faith, not by sight?

And what if trusting the Lord with all our hearts — without leaning on our own understanding — also frees us from needing to understand at all?

Perhaps that’s not such a bad thing when the King Himself is in control.

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

Surely, The Lord Is In This Place

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Chaos, Future, Life, Uncertainty, WorshipLeave a comment

Every so often, I start fresh in Genesis—journeying through the Bible from the very beginning. Each time I start over, something new speaks to me.

Recently, one verse has stayed with me:

Then Jacob awoke from his sleep and said, ‘Surely the Lord is in this place, and I did not know it.’ — Genesis 28:16

Let’s look at how Jacob came to that moment.

His mother Rebekah had convinced him to deceive his father Isaac by pretending to be his brother Esau to receive the blessing of the firstborn. This enraged Esau—Enough for him to want to kill Jacob. Fearing for Jacob’s life, Rebekah urged him to flee.

So Jacob ran—literally fleeing for his life—and ended up in the place he would later name Bethel. There, exhausted, afraid, perhaps traumatized and wrecked with guilt, Jacob lay his head on a rock. He was alone, uncertain of his future, completely out of control.

And yet—it was in that very place that God revealed Himself to Jacob in a dream. It was there that Jacob received a promise:

I am the Lord, the God of your father Abraham and the God of Isaac. The land on which you lie I will give to you and to your descendants. Your descendants will also be like the dust of the earth… and in you and in your descendants shall all the families of the earth be blessed… I am with you and will keep you wherever you go… I will not leave you until I have done what I promised you. — Genesis 28:13–15

When Jacob wakes up, he realizes something profound: God had been with him all along—he just hadn’t known it — Hadn’t perceived it.

Fast forward to the story of Joseph, Jacob’s son, recorded in Genesis 37–50.
Joseph—his father’s beloved—was sold into slavery by his own brothers. Imagine how he must have felt: scared, betrayed, abandoned, wronged. The Bible doesn’t describe his emotions, but they’re not hard to imagine.

Yet the Bible tells us this: God was with Joseph.

This young man found favor in the eyes of the Egyptian commander and was put in charge of his household. Over the next several chapters, Joseph is wronged again and again—falsely accused, imprisoned, forgotten. And yet, the Bible repeats: God was with Joseph.

My life the past few years has been focused on humanitarian assistance, providing spiritual and physical aid to hurting people around the world in Jesus’ name. The people I serve have been victims of war, poverty, natural disasters, disease, and famine. They are in their current state through no fault of their own. These people have lost their homes, land, livelihoods—even loved ones. Their future is uncertain.

Their homes are gone, but their mortgages remain.
Their cars are gone, but the payments persist.
Their loved ones are gone, but they must endure.

They didn’t ask to be in this place. But here they are.

Some haven’t even begun to process the past, let alone imagine a future.
And yet, in this place, shaped by a storm of some sorts that uprooted lives, God was there—and they weren’t even aware of it. God is there in the teams that show up to provide food, clean water, nutrition commodities, medical assistance, and even shelter; to share the love of Jesus.

So, what about you? What brought you to the place you find yourself in today? Do you see God in it? Are you aware of His presence?

Will you, like Jacob, say, “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I didn’t know it”?

Will you, like Joseph, trust that God is still with you?

Have you, like the people I get to serve, seen the Lord meet you at your point of need?

Will you let Him?

Regardless of how you got here—or how I got here—this is true:

God is in this place. And perhaps, that isn’t just enough—it’s everything.

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

God Was With (insert name)

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Life, South Sudan, Uncertainty1 Comment

In less than three months, I would’ve completed three years of living in and loving South Sudan. Every ounce of service I’ve rendered to the people of this country has been worth it. Sure, living in a war-torn country has its pitfalls, but the calling has always been certain. It has always been sure. Until, around this time last year when I began praying about my next steps. South Sudan was never part of any of my plans, yet here I was. At the end of my first year in Juba, I asked the Lord if it was time for me to leave. His response was sure and certain – “Stay longer. Dig deeper.” So, during my second year in this young nation, that’s what I did. I dug deeper. Deeper in my job. Deeper in my relationships. Deeper in my personal growth. I became even more intentional with people, and that much more intentional with my job.

When you live in a country like South Sudan, life is unique. You have freedom, but your freedom is restricted. For example, all NGOs have a curfew – You must be back on your compound by 8pm. Also, you live on a compound. It is gated, fenced with barbwires, and has uniformed guards 24/7. As a woman, you have to exercise more caution – You can’t drive here. You can’t even go out for a walk by yourself. You must be escorted at all times. Sometimes, in the stillness of the night, you will randomly hear gunshots go off, with no explanation of why. After a certain time, locations like South Sudan begin to wear you out. It is easy to see why there is a quick turn over of aid-workers. So, at the end of two years of being here, I wasn’t out of line to once again ask the Lord if it was time for me to leave. After all, I had lived here for two full years. Without waiting for an answer, I started talking about wanting to leave with my leadership. I reached out to colleagues at our international head quarters to see if there were any openings outside of South Sudan. I knocked on every door I could find because I was convinced that two years here was long enough. I needed a change. Someone from our leadership asked me if I would stay longer, if I was offered a change here in South Sudan. I distinctly remember saying to him, “Saying yes to South Sudan, means I’m saying no to a lot of other things. I will have to think about it.” While I wasn’t entirely wrong in my statement, I only realized several months after that conversation that I was somehow convinced that if I wanted “more” out of my life, it could only happen when and if I left South Sudan, as if God was incapable of providing that “more” right here.

Over the past few days I’ve been reading the incredible story of Joseph that is recorded in the book of Genesis, chapters 37-50. Without going into too much detail, Joseph was the darling of his father, the apple of his eye. His brothers were jealous of the favoritism his dad showed him. Eventually they sell him off to a group of Egyptians, and he ends up in an Egyptian commander’s house as his slave. This is the very first in the story of Joseph where it says, “God was with Joseph.” This young boy finds favor in the eyes of the commander and is put in charge of his entire household. Because “God was with Joseph,” the commander and his household were blessed. Joseph is eventually falsely accused of making sexual advances toward the Commander’s wife, and is thrown into prison. The Bible says, “God was with Joseph.” He soon finds favor in the eyes of the Jailer, and he is put in charge of the entire prison. Long story short, Joseph makes his way up to being only next in command to Pharaoh, an eventuality that nobody could’ve possibly foreseen. What stands out to me in this, ‘rags to riches’ story, isn’t that Joseph went from rags, to riches, but that when he was in rags, “God was with Joseph.” In the lowest of lows, in the midst of captivity and slavery, in the hardest of hard places, “God was with Joseph.” For God to be with Joseph, Joseph didn’t have to be in another location. He didn’t have to be at a certain stage or season or phase in life. Wherever Joseph was, God met him there. God was with Joseph in the pit. God was with Joseph in the Commander’s house. God was with Joseph in the prison. God was with Joseph in Pharaoh’s house.

This morning in church we were singing the song “Goodness of God.” It’s one of my favorite songs and I’ve sung it so many times. Today however, the bridge hit me like a ton of bricks – “Your goodness is running after, it’s running after me.” I realized, without a shadow of doubt, that to experience God’s goodness, I didn’t have to leave South Sudan. I could experience it right here, just as I have over the past two years. What makes me think that God’s goodness is suddenly going to be withheld from me because I am entering year three? I know it seems foolish, and it is, but when feelings of being stuck and uncertain get in the way of your vision of who God is, and what He’s calling you to do, it is easy to get carried away. Please, don’t get me wrong. I’m not implying that living in a war-torn country is a cake-walk. It most definitely is not. Over the past few months I have wanted to desperately leave and make a run for it, and it was frustrating the daylights out of me that the Lord simply wouldn’t let me. It is true that saying “Yes” to South Sudan is definitely saying “No” to a lot of things, but I have to resonate with David’s words – “I will not offer to the Lord my God sacrifices that have cost me nothing.”

Yes, staying longer in South Sudan will cost me, but the cost of obedience is always worth it, whether I feel it or not, whether I see it or not. So, until it’s time to leave, I will stay. I will trust in the Lord with all of my heart, and I will not lean on my own understanding. In all of my ways I will acknowledge Him, and He will make my paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6).

You prepare a table before me, in the presence of my enemies. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life (Psalm 23: 5-6 bits and pieces).

Here’s four points that you should take back from this post:

  1. Regardless of where you are, God is with you; Even if it doesn’t feel that way.
  2. Surely, goodness and mercy will follow you all the days of your life.
  3. God is faithful. He always has been. He always will be. He is trustworthy. He will not let you down.
  4. If God’s making you wait, He has good reason for it; Even if He won’t share the reason with you.

When darkness seems to hide His face
I’ll rest on His unchanging grace
Through every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil.

On Christ the solid rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand.
All other ground is sinking sand.

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord.

Goodbye America! #BitterSweet

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Life, Uncertainty3 Comments

As I laid my head down to rest last night, I wondered how I would react to waking up to the knowledge that my time in America had finally come to an end. Today, I got to the airport, bid my family goodbye, walked through the security lines and got lost in the crowd. I was mentally prepared to fall apart. But you know what? I didn’t! Surprisingly I was at immense rest. This must be what the Bible calls being led by God’s peace.

As I went through check-in, security check, transit and finally boarded my international flight, I saw many moments of God’s undeniable goodness even in something as insignificant as my journey back home. I’m sure He has better things to worry about but He evidently just poured out undeserving favor on my travel and let me tell you how.

Wrapping up three years of your life into 2.5 suitcases is unfortunately not as easy as you’d think it is. I stressed all of yesterday trying to pack. Out of sheer desperation, I raised my baggage from 50lbs to 70lbs, mentally telling myself it was worth the extra cost. I also had a carry on luggage, a very full backpack and a large purse. I was concerned that I will be penalized for my inability to shrink my life to fit the airlines’ baggage policy! As I walked up to the check-in counter, I nervously weighed my bags and the woman behind the desk put the “heavy weight” tag on. While I waited for her to slap me with a steep fee, she smiled at me and said, “Don’t worry about it.” Bewildered I looked at her while she kept smiling at me saying, “Ma’am, don’t worry about it.” Tell me that wasn’t the Lord?!!! When was the last time an airline waived 20lbs extra baggage??? My point exactly!

My travel itinerary included a domestic leg from Knoxville to Chicago and international leg from Chicago. If you know anything about international flights, you’ll know that they can be very snooty about baggage size, purse size and carry on. I was not following any of their regulations. I got past domestic check-in with ease. How was I supposed to handle international check-in? As I walked to the international terminal, I found out I didn’t have to go through international check-in at all. This meant, my baggage wasn’t going to be a problem. Tell me that wasn’t the Lord?!!! When was the last time you could board an international flight without having your carry on baggage weighed??? My point exactly!

Relieved to get past all security and baggage issues, I sat down by my gate, waiting to board. As I people watched, lo and behold I see a dear dear friend running toward me. He had a layover in Chicago and changed terminals to come see me. Oh how I was filled with joy! Tell me that wasn’t the Lord?!!! When it was time to board my flight, I gave my friend one last tight hug and bid him adieu. Waving my American friend goodbye, I felt like it was a symbolic reference to me waving goodbye to this country that I called home for 3yrs. And instead of being filled with sadness, I was filled with an overwhelming sense of peace. This must be what the Bible calls being led by God’s peace!

As I stand on the threshold of a new beginning, a brand new chapter in my life, I see God’s hand in these tiny aspects of my life. Isn’t it funny that even though I’m going back to the familiarity of the country I was born and raised in for 26yrs, it still feels like I’m entering a whole new world… Wandering into unchartered territory if you will! But I realize, if the Lord took this much care for the small things in my life, such as my baggage, how much more will He care for the bigger things in my life? How much thought and planning Hw must put into what seem like the uncertainties of my life?! Even though I am sad to have left my new friends, family, community and my life in America behind me, I realize it’s time for me to start afresh. It’s time for me to reunite with my family, catch up with old friends and build new community. It’s time for me to once again trust the Lord and know for a fact that He knows exactly what He is doing. Life will go on and in His time, He will make all things beautiful! While I don’t know what the future holds, I know without a shadow of doubt, WHO it is that holds my future! This is what it must feel like to be the daughter of the Prince of Peace! So India my love, I hope you’re ready for me because here I come!

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

Enjoy the Free Fall

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Life, UncertaintyLeave a comment

In four days I will be leaving Boone for good, and in ten days I will be bidding America adieu. While I know without a shadow of doubt that I am, at this very moment, in the center of God’s will, for the first time in my life, I have no plan. I have NEVER, not had a plan. But this time, as I watched the Lord shut the door to staying in America, I decided I wanted to enjoy every single minute that I spend here before I leave this country that I have grown to love. Because of this, I have consciously chosen not to think or plan about life in India, until I actually leave American soil and land on Indian ground. When I get to India, I know that the Lord will reveal to me what He wants me to do there. After all, He is the one taking me there.

So, as part of my intentional, “Enjoy America while you can” attitude, I decided that I was going to check at least one thing off of my bucket list. On June 6, 2016, I signed several accident and death waivers, strapped myself to a harness and jumped off a plane at a height of 10,000 feet. Yes, I went Skydiving! It was the most phenomenal experience I’ve ever had. I would do it again in a heartbeat and I highly recommend that everyone do it at least once in his or her lifetime! I know I say this now that my feet have safely grounded themselves on land. But, I have to admit, when I drove up to the Skydiving center in DC, I was nervous. I wasn’t going to back out of it of course but I kept wondering what possessed me to give in to this insanity. As I sat through the instructions of what was expected of me when I jump off the plane, I thought to myself, “This instructor is nuts if he thinks I’m going to remember all of that when my heart is lodged tightly in my throat.” Thankfully, he ended the training by reminding us that we will be strapped to an instructor who knows exactly what he is doing.

As my instructor strapped on my harness, he reminded me that he had over 7,000 jumps under his belt and that because he was in charge, I had nothing to worry about. He said that when we get on the plane, he would strap himself on to me and would instruct me every step of the way, at the right time – Not too soon. Not too late. So, placing my trust and literally my entire life in the hands of this complete stranger, I got on to the tiny jet with about nine other people. While we were on the plane, my instructor began working on strapping my harness on to his own. I hadn’t a clue of what he was doing and honestly, even if he explained it to me, I’d probably not understand. All I knew was that he was tugging at the various straps on my harness and constantly giving me instructions – stand up, sit down, move to the front, lean back, bend to the side… I had no idea why he was asking me to do these but I obeyed implicitly. I didn’t question him because I knew that he was my instructor. He knew what he was doing.

Finally, it came time for us to slide to the door of the plane. As he gave me final instructions, he reminded me that he knew exactly what he was doing and that all that was required of me was to simply follow his instructions as and when he gave them. With a quick “1, 2, whoa!” my instructor pushed us out of the 10,000 ft high plane and we began the downward spiral to the ground. As I felt the rush of the free fall, I couldn’t believe what I had done. I could see the Blue Ridge Mountains to my left, the glorious sky around me, the white cotton-ball-like clouds above me and the hard ground below me. As we were falling, my instructor tapped on my shoulder and instructed me to arch my back and raise my hands and legs to enjoy the free fall. And you know what? As I paid heed to his instruction, I did just that – I enjoyed the free fall. I didn’t care that I didn’t know my instructor’s plan. I didn’t care that I could splat on the ground very hard and very fast. I didn’t care that I was at the mercy of the wind swaying me in every possible direction. I didn’t care that my parachute wasn’t open. Heck I didn’t even know where the parachute was. I just knew that my instructor knew when to open the parachute and as long as he knew when to open it, I was fine. After an amazing 60secs free fall, my instructor pulled the parachute open and the pressure of the winds pulled us high up into the sky. While gliding through the sky, I once again felt my instructor tugging at my harness. Let me repeat myself here – My instructor and I were in mid air and he was working on my harness! One wrong move and I could easily get detached from him, fall to the ground and die! But I wasn’t scared. I completely trusted him. I trusted that he knew exactly what he was doing. He loosened the harness to make me more comfortable and eventually allowed me to even maneuver the parachute. Soon, he gave me instructions on landing and before I knew it, my butt gently grazed through the grass and I was back on the ground.

As my skydiving experience came to end, I realized that I did more than check something off my bucket list… I had learned a very practical and powerful lesson on faith and trust. Today I stand on the threshold of a very uncertain future. I can feel my Lord, the great Instructor working behind the scenes and I know without a shadow of doubt that He knows exactly what He is doing. I don’t see it. In fact, I don’t see anything. I don’t hear Him give me any instructions right now. But I know that I as I sit in that plane and head back to India, at just the right time, He will give me tell me what to do. At just the right time, He will reveal His plans. Until then, I choose to take comfort in the fact that I am tightly harnessed to the Lord. He has got my back. He’s holding me. He knows where the parachute is at and He knows when to open it. He knows how to maneuver it. He knows exactly what He is doing. And because of this, as I take this leap of faith into the next chapter of my life, I choose to enjoy the free fall… the rush that comes in fully and completely placing my faith, my hope and my trust in my Instructor, my Best Friend, my Father and my God, who is the Lord Jesus Christ.

If you, like me are headed for the unknown, unable to see what the Lord is doing or where He is leading you, may I encourage you – take the leap. Enjoy the free fall. You won’t regret it. The great Instructor has your back. He knows exactly what He is doing and when the time is right, He will instruct you in what you should do. And who knows, He may even let you maneuver the parachute!

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

Neha and I getting ready to board the plane
All harnessed up
Heading to the door of the plane
1, 2, whoa!
Free Fall
Free Fall
The parachute is now open
Can you see me maneuvering the shoot?

I Can’t See ANYTHING!

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Life, UncertaintyLeave a comment

Today I began the heart wrenching process of packing. I’ve dreaded having to sort through my things – Things that I lovingly gathered over the past three years of my life. I took pictures of all that I needed to sell and made piles of the things I was giving away. With each item I set aside, I felt like I was tearing up a piece of my heart! I know that this is all just stuff. But this is MY stuff. Stuff that I thoughtfully put together to use in MY home! Never did I think that life in Blowing Rock would be so short lived.

I know that as I head out of America, I’m heading home. But it doesn’t seem like that. America, Boone and Blowing Rock seem more like home that India and Hyderabad. I feel bad saying that but I just fell in love with what I hoped was home. I truly hoped with all of my heart that with my employment at Samaritan’s Purse, my uncertainty would finally come to an end, my wait would finally cease and I could finally settle down without having to wonder where my life was headed. Never did I expect to get back to what seems like square one!

This isn’t the first time that I’m uprooting my life. I did it once before in 2013 when I left India for America. But as I packed my life into two suitcases and a carry-on, I knew where I was headed. Even though it was heartbreaking to leave my parents, sister, brother-in-law and darling niece and nephews, my heart was full of hope – not the “hope” we use as a synonym for may be but hope that is definite! When I said goodbye to my very comfortable life in India and got on to a plane to enter in to this whole new world called America, I knew without a shadow of doubt that I was in the center of God’s will. Even though I was entering a land where I would always be an alien, a foreigner, someone who would have to jump through bazillion different hoops simply to do things the legal way, I still knew that I was EXACTLY where God wanted me. I KNEW that my move was an act of obedience.

However today, as I once again uproot my life, I’m hopeful. But this time, it’s the kind of “hope” that we use as a synonym for may be, perhaps. I want to be filled with the hope that is definite but I’m just not. May be when I actually leave, it’ll begin to make sense. Right now, I simply don’t get it!

Please don’t get me wrong. I’m very excited about seeing my family and being home after a very long time. I’m thrilled that I’m going to be able to hang out with my teenage niece and dote over my extremely “macho” nephews who are as macho as a 10yr old and an 8yr old can be. I’m going to be able to chill with my mother and sister and not worry about exhausting my vacation. I’ll get to drive my scooter on the streets of Hyderabad, and I’ll get to eat mango that is extremely sweet. I’ll get to eat street food and bargain against fixed prices. Living in India comes with its perks.

But I’m freaked out! The thought of restarting my life all over again is scary! People ask me – “What are your plans for when you get to India?” And my answer – I have no idea! I don’t even have the “p” in “plan.” Even though I’m heading for India in less than a month, I still don’t feel like I’m being called there. My fear is that God is in fact calling me back but I’ve just become deaf to His voice. I mean, what kind of a daughter fails to hear her own Father’s voice? What exactly am I missing? This time as I uproot my life, I don’t know if I’m in the center of God’s will. I don’t know if I am exactly where the Lord wants me. I don’t know if I’m moving in an act of obedience. I don’t know ANYTHING! I can’t see ANYTHING! I’ve NEVER been so clueless in my life! I know that God knows exactly what He’s doing… I just wish I got a glimpse of it. I just wish I could see!

As I walk through this newfound darkness, I am reminded of the time my nephew Anand was a toddler. He was a feisty little independent tiny person. When we went outside, he’d refuse to hold my hand. I had to forcefully hold on to him but he would somehow wriggle out and keep walking ahead all on his own. The only time I felt his little hand clutch my finger, as if he were holding on for dear life, was when we were walking in darkness and he wanted to stay as close to me as possible. He just didn’t want to let go.

So today, I choose to become a toddler and hold on to my Father’s hand for dear life. Even though I feel blind and completely clueless, I will trust in the one Who created my inmost being and knew me from my mother’s womb. Even though I cannot see ANYTHING, I am choosing to trust in the Lord with all of my heart. I am choosing to lean not on my own understanding. In all my ways I’m choosing to trust Him and because of this, I am choosing to believe that He will make my path straight!

Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.

~ Micah 7:8b

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

A Still Small Voice

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Life, Uncertainty3 Comments

Have you ever felt as though the voices around you seem to contradict the very thing that you thought you knew for sure? Has it ever seemed like you tend to trust what other people say about your situation, more than what God does? I’ve felt that way these past couple of days.

As somebody who left a very comfortable job, a wonderful family, amazing friends, a nurturing church and doting niece and nephews, coming to the understanding that God’s plan for me was in America, and not in India, didn’t come easy. I cried out, “Help! I’m Desperate!” before I finally surrendered to Him.

After my Associate position with Samaritan’s Purse ended in January 2016, I was all set to book my tickets back to India. However, the Lord intervened and convinced me to trust Him and to trust the plans He had for me here in America. Finally casting all my cares on Him, I began serving Operation Christmas Child as a volunteer. The next four months opened my eyes to a deeper, much closer, stronger walk with Jesus. In early January this year God made it abundantly clear to me that I needed to stop looking over my shoulder at India and begin laying down roots here in America. When I wondered if that was God’s voice or my own, He spoke to me from John 10:3-4. I knew without a shadow of doubt that this was all God because I know my Shepherd! I recognize His voice.

Once I acknowledged the plan He made so evident to me, and trusted Him to fulfill it, I watched in amazement as He went ahead of me and created the path for me. For the first time in my life, I watched as the Lord fought every single battle for me, while I simply sat still. He moved mountains to ensure that Samaritan’s Purse submitted an H1B petition for me and that I would serve as a National Spokesperson for Operation Christmas Child!

Over these past few years of waiting and wondering where I’m headed, if there is one thing I have learned, it is that God always lead with His peace (Isaiah 55:12a). Even though I’ve been living in excruciating uncertainty, I’ve seen first hand what it means to be the daughter of the Prince of Peace! The perfect peace (Isaiah 25:3) that He’s poured on me is beyond comprehension!

On April 9, 2016 the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services completed the random computer generated lottery for H1B petitions. This means that I will hear about my visa situation any day now. While this is exciting, it’s also scary. This past Friday I began getting anxious – Not because I was worried, but because I hadn’t heard anything about my visa. Nothing! The more I researched on the H1B lottery, the more I read about people already having received notifications of whether or not they were picked for visa processing. Several schools of thought, including that of friends who’ve been through this process hinted at the chance of my petition not making the lottery. This would mean that I would go back to India. I spent all of Friday breaking my head over why I hadn’t heard anything yet. I spent all weekend listening to various different voices – friends, H1B discussion boards, H1B blogs, “Experts” on the process – telling me that because I hadn’t heard anything about the lottery result, it could mean that I didn’t get picked in the lottery. But in my heart, I know without a shadow of doubt that the Lord’s not calling me to India. So, how can this be?

And then, I heard a still small voice saying – “As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things” ~ Ecclesiastes 11:5

Now, I may be quoting that verse out of context but this I know with all my heart – I have a 0.31 chance of being picked in the lottery. If my future were left to “chance” I would be worried. Good thing that even though I do not know what the future holds, I know WHO holds my future and He knows EXACTLY what He is doing.

So, even though I haven’t heard about the status of my visa petition, I am choosing to believe that the God Who went ahead of me and created a path to bring me to America, keep me here for almost 3yrs, get me introduced to Samaritan’s Purse, cross my path with people who would fight for me tooth and nail till I had a full time position, get my H1B petition into the lottery, give me a fully furnished all utilities included house, GIFT me a CAR, is the same God Who will get me through the lottery.

The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. 

~ 1 Kings 19:11-13 

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

 

I Know My Shepherd

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Chaos, Future, Life, Uncertainty1 Comment

January 18, 2016

One thing I’ve been struggling with is recognizing God’s voice and being sure of it. You already know that God’s laid it on my heart to set my eyes off of India… to quit looking over my shoulders, and to start laying down my roots here in America.

Human as I am, I cannot help but ask – What if I’m wrong? What if that voice is mine and not of the Lord? I think I feel that way because I don’t see ANYTHING! I don’t see anything working even remotely in my favor. So possibly my second-guessing isn’t so much about being unsure of God’s voice, but that my faith isn’t properly anchored.

Anyway, as I was thinking about this and wondering if I recognize the Lord or not, I felt the Spirit remind me of this verse – “He who enters by the door is a shepherd of the sheep. The sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he puts forth all his own, he goes ahead of them, and the sheep follow him because they know his voice” ~ John 10:2-4

I thought about those verses. If I know my Lord, I should know His voice. And I definitely know my Lord, my Savior, and my Father. I know my Daddy! I know His voice. I just need to trust what He is saying, in faith. At the end of the day, “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen” ~ Hebrews 11:1

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

Stop Looking Over Your Shoulder!

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Life, Uncertainty1 Comment

January 16, 2016

I’ve been reading through the book of Jeremiah. The context of this book is God telling the people of Israel that because of their disobedience, they will be sent into exile to Babylon. In the mid-20s chapters, the Lord tells His people that they should listen to Him and just go to Babylon. There they will be safe. He will make sure of it. He goes one step further and tells them to build homes, cultivate farms, marry people of that land (Jeremiah 29:4-7)… then He goes on to tell them to trust Him because He knows the plans He has for them.

Reading this verse in context unnerved me a little. I was confused. Here God was sending His people to a place they didn’t want to go and if they did go in obedience, He would fulfill the wonderful plans He had for them. This got me thinking. What was I to learn from this? Was God asking me to go back to India? But I do want to go back. He doesn’t have to convince me to do that. He just needs to say the word!

Then I realized. India is not my Babylon. America is. I never wanted to come here but I did, in obedience. But while here I was constantly afraid of laying down my roots because, well, I could go back to India any day! I think though, today, God was very clear about what He wanted me to do. I felt like He’s telling me to quit looking over my shoulders to India and wondering when I’ll go home, because, I’m already home. America is now my home.

It’s time I laid down my roots. I think that’s also why the Lord had me take some bold steps from time to time that I, in my own strength, would never have been able to do. It was His way of telling to stop putting my life on hold, to stop looking over my shoulders to India, and finally laying down my roots here, in America, which is now my home!

Where is the Lord calling you today? Do you feel as if moving in obedience is just too overwhelming to make any sense? May I encourage you to trust in the Lord? He knows what He is doing.

“”For I know the plans I have you” Declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not harm you, to give you a hope and a future”” ~ Jeremiah 29:11

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

The Blessing of Uncertainty

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Life, Uncertainty3 Comments

This past week has been a lot of fun and a much needed break from my not-so-busy routine. If you know anything about me, you will know that I LOVE being busy. I love having stuff to do and I absolutely love being productive. However, since the time my Associate position with Samaritan’s Purse ended, I haven’t felt very productive. Sure my days are still full, sure I’m able to care for an adorable baby in the mornings and sure I’m able to volunteer in the afternoons, but it’s just not the same as having a full day of work. You know what I mean? So this past week has been a breath of fresh air for me, as I’ve been “working,” albeit in the capacity of a volunteer, from 8am till at least 10pm. It was tiring, exhausting and downright amazing!!! I had the privilege of being part of Operation Christmas Child’s Connect Conference and Full Circle Speaker training.

I’ve learned a lot over this past week. But one the biggest lessons I learned was the lesson of gratitude. My friend Izabella was sharing with us on one of the mornings about the importance of being thankful. As I was pondering on this, I began thinking about what I was truly grateful for. My answer took me by surprise! Without so much as a shadow of doubt, I realized that I was very grateful my “uncertainties.” Weird right?!!!

When I left India for America, I just thought I was moving countries. I never realized that I was exchanging a life of comfort and certainty, for a life that constantly and consistently made me step out of my comfort zone, and be soaked in the speculative, in the unknown! No matter which direction I turned in, I was faced with uncertainty and I hated it! I hated not knowing!

When I arrived in Lynchburg in 2013, my housing situation was not what I expected and I had no clue where I would live! When summer 2014 came I had no clue where I would be working! I desperately needed a job because not working was NOT an option. After summer, my housing situation changed again and I had no clue where I was going to live. Just before I graduated in 2015, I packed up all that I owned, and waited for the Lord to show me where He was leading me. I was so sure that I would have a job by the time I graduated. But did that happen? Nope! On June 1, I found myself without a job, without an income and without an apartment. So, I put everything I owned in a rental car and left Lynchburg. Where was I headed you ask? No idea!!! When I moved to Boone in September, I knew that my position would end in January 2016. I also knew that the Lord wasn’t leading me back to India. How would He keep me in America? I have no clue whatsoever!

Over these past two and a half years, God’s faithfulness has been more than evident in EVERY situation! When I moved to Lynchburg without having a place to stay, He opened the doors of a stranger’s home where I stayed for a week till I found roommates and moved into an apartment! In summer when not working was NOT an option, He opened the doors to an amazing internship in a phenomenal children’s ministry. I got to live with the most loving, kind and generous family that I’ve ever met. They’re close to my heart and I know that I’ll always have a home with them! Right after my summer internship, God opened the door for me to live in a home that I could make my own! He allowed me to create new, lifelong friendships. I spent quality time with my roommates! We laughed, we cried, we watched Hawaii Five-O together! Life was good! When it was time for me to leave Lynchburg after I graduated, He opened my cousin’s home in Miami where I had the chance to teach at a Community College. In a span of four months, I had the opportunity to live in four different states (Thank God for family who opened their homes to me without hesitation!!!). Even without a job and with no income, I never had to worry about having a roof over my head or about food on my plate. I never had to stretch out my hand in front of another, and I never had to deny myself anything that my heart desired. All of my needs have been met, and all of my wants have been fulfilled. Today, as I continue to “volunteer” with Operation Christmas Child, I still have a tank full of gas. My freezer is stuffed with food (I’m still wondering where all that food came from). I still bought that dress that I really, really, liked. I still traveled around to spend time with friends. I still have a savings account that has not been touched. Like I said, God’s faithfulness has been undeniable!!!

Today, as I continue to stand on the threshold of the great unknown, I still don’t know where I’m headed. I don’t know for sure that my position with Operation Christmas Child will work out. I don’t know for sure that my name will get picked out in the lottery and that I will get my H1B visa. I can honestly say that I have no idea what tomorrow holds. But you know what? That’s okay. Because, I know Who holds tomorrow, and I know Who holds my hand!!!

Amidst these plethora of  uncertainties, I’ve felt God’s sovereignty over my life in ways I have never experienced before. I’ve begun to see Him as a good, good Father! His goodness is not subject to my circumstances! I can honestly say that He and He alone is my strength, my courage, my joy and my provider! I am closer to the Lord today, than I’ve ever been in all my 29yrs of life! So go on, ask me what I’m grateful for. My resounding answer will always be, without a shadow of doubt – My uncertainties are my greatest blessings and for these, I am grateful!

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!