Service this past Sunday was interesting. It was on singleness – Definitely not what I was expecting on Mother’s Day. However, it did get me thinking about my own journey of singleness.

I’ll admit it: talking about singleness makes me uncomfortable. Hearing someone else talk about it makes me cringe. But it shouldn’t. I’m not ashamed of it. So why do I treat it like a touchy subject?

A long time ago, I made a decision—to speak openly about the things I wished more people talked about. I know there are many like me who are content in this season of life, yet still struggle from time to time. If that’s you, I want you to know: you are not alone. I see you. I feel you. I’m in the same boat. I often wonder if walking through this season of life would be easier if more people would talk about it. I think it would. Knowing you’re not alone always makes a difference.

I am 38yrs old.

When you’re my age, people stop asking the question most singles dread: “When are you getting married?” You’ve either been written off by others—or you’ve written yourself off. Maybe you’re surrounded by the narrative that you’re just not doing enough to be in the “right place” to meet someone.

There was a season when loved ones would say things like, “How are you ever going to meet someone if you’re in Africa, in the middle of nowhere? You’re doing yourself a disservice. You need to be where people can see you.” I know they meant well, and they said those things because they cared. But even with the best intentions, those words were still painful to hear.

Is walking in obedience to God’s call over my life, the reason I’m still single?

I have no doubt that God called me to missions. For a season, that meant South Sudan and Ethiopia. Today, it means the United States. If God had wanted, I could’ve met someone in the middle of a swamp. But I remained single—even among 1.3 billion people in India, where I lived until 2013.

Sunday’s sermon made some powerful points—ones that deeply resonated with me:

• Singleness is a gift. It allows for undivided devotion to the Lord, the freedom to focus, space to grow, and the capacity to serve.
• Your relationship status isn’t your identity.
• Life doesn’t begin after marriage. You are living a full life now. I know I am.
• Singleness is not a break from your purpose. If you’re not living out your purpose now, that’s a heart issue—not a relationship status issue.
• Singleness is a sacred opportunity to spend time with the Lord—because He is enough.

I agreed with all the points, but I struggled a bit with the last one—specifically, “God is enough.”
Then why do I still want more?

I love Jesus. My life revolves around Him. He is my sun, and I am all nine planets. I do not know a life apart from Him, and I don’t want one. But when someone says Jesus should be enough in my singleness, I feel a pang of sadness. Because despite loving Him with my whole heart, I still feel a deep longing for a partner.

The Lord and I have talked about this—often. And I want to share something He showed me that has helped me deeply:

The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:15, 17).

In Adam’s most intimate season with God, God saw that it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone. That’s worth noticing. Adam didn’t feel the need for a helper. He didn’t crave for it. He didn’t desire it. He didn’t ask for it. He had no reference point for loneliness. But God saw him. He saw that he was alone. And God decided Adam needed a helper—so He created Eve.

Why bring this up? Because it’s important to recognize that you can be content in the Lord and still desire a partner. The two can co-exist; By design they can co-exist. Learning this, recognizing this, and embracing this has been nothing short of freeing.

A few more thoughts I wish we talked about more often:

• Embrace your singleness. Really enjoy it. Take care of yourself. Go on those trips you’ve saved in your reels. Don’t wait to live your life. I grew up hearing, “Do whatever you want after you’re married, with your husband.” I’m so glad I didn’t listen. I’ve traveled solo and with friends—and I have zero regrets.
• Be the best aunt you can be. Your siblings’ and friends’ kids may have other aunties—but they are not you.
• Celebrate others—but allow yourself to grieve. When younger friends and cousins get married, rejoice with them. But also acknowledge your own longing. That grief is real.
• You don’t always have to be strong. On the hard days, let yourself feel it. Cry. Grieve. Eat ice cream straight from the carton. Your tears are not a betrayal of your faith. You can trust God and be sad. They are not mutually exclusive. Feel the down in the dumps, but don’t stay there.
• Cherish your married friends. Don’t discount them just because you’re in different life stages. Be the third wheel if you must. A tuk-tuk has three wheels—and it’s fun!
• Wrestle with the Lord. Lament. He’s not afraid of your tears or your questions. And if, like me, you don’t know what to ask—just sit in His presence and let the tears fall freely.
• Trust Jesus with your desires. Even if they are never fulfilled, He is still trustworthy.

Don’t reason your way through your singleness:

• “Did I do something to deserve this?”
  Oh friend—if we all got what we deserved… yikes.
• “I must be unlovable or damaged.”
  How dare you! You are deeply loved—by friends, family, and above all, your Creator. Don’t disregard the love you have, because of a love you do not.
• “Am I not good enough?”
  There is nothing “not enough” about you. You are more than enough.
• “Maybe my standards are too high?”
  Choosing a life partner is second only to choosing to follow Christ. Don’t you dare apologize for having standards.
• “Being single means I can’t have a family.”
  Ask your parents, siblings, and friends if they consider you family. You already belong.
• “Life will be better when I’m married.”
  If you’re not fulfilled now, you won’t be fulfilled in marriage.
• “God is holding out on me.”
  “He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all—how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?” (Romans 8:32)
• “Single = Alone.”
  Are you isolating yourself? If not, you’re not alone.
• “I need to look a certain way to be desirable.”
  That’s a lie I believed for too long. Surely if I lose just a few more lbs/kgs someone will notice me. What happens when you gain weight? Or age? Beauty fades, bodies change. You are fearfully and wonderfully made—Don’t ever forget that.
• “It’s too late for me.”
  That’s what Abraham, Sarah, Zechariah, Elizabeth thought. But God…!!!

I have often prayed, as I am sure you have too: “Lord, if marriage is not Your plan for me, just tell me. Then I will know for sure, and I can move on with my life.”

I have come to realize that the pursuit of certainty is redundant when the calling is to live by faith and not by sight. What I see and understand is so very minute and miniscule in significance to all that I don’t see or understand. So, I have decided that I will embrace whatever the Lord has allowed for me to have right now, to be faithful to what He has placed in my hands. If the Lord is truly the Keeper of my heart, then it is His job to care for it, shield it, protect it, and entrust it to another.

There is a lot I do not know, but this I do know:

“As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15)
Even if it is a house of one.

“Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain” (Psalm 127:1a)
Let the Lord build. You chill. Travel. Spoil your nieces and nephews.

I lift my eyes up; my help comes from the Lord.