Tag: Life

She Slept Through Chemo: The Prayer I May Never Have Prayed

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, UncertaintyLeave a comment

Recently, a few of us went over to our friend’s house to pray over her as she prepared for her second round of chemotherapy. My friend has stage four cancer — if you think of her, please take a moment to pray for her. There were six of us, each laying hands on her and taking turns to lift her up in prayer.

When it was my turn to pray, I remembered that the previous night, because of the steroids she was on, my friend had barely slept an hour. So along with praying that the chemo would do its work in her body, I asked the Lord to bless her with sleep as she sat in her chair receiving treatment. We blessed the Lord. We blessed our friend. Then off she went.

Later that evening, my friend texted me. She wrote:

“Also not gonna lie, when you prayed that I would be able to sleep during chemo, I thought you were a liiiittle bit crazy — but I actually did! Even with the steroids, the freezing pain, and the general discomfort, I actually fell asleep!!!! Thank you!!!!!”

I read her message a few dozen times, overwhelmed that God — the King of the universe, the King of kings and Lord of lords — heard my simple, almost naïve prayer for sleep.

You see, I had no idea what chemotherapy entailed. I didn’t know how uncomfortable it was. I didn’t know that the cold cap for her head and the frozen mittens for her hands and feet would cause her pain. A part of me wondered if I had been insensitive to pray that she might sleep through such discomfort.

But another part of me was deeply grateful — grateful that I didn’t know. Grateful that I didn’t understand. Because had I known, had I done my research and sought clarity, I probably wouldn’t have prayed for sleep. I would’ve thought it unreasonable — as if God didn’t care about the small, simple things, the desires of our hearts, however silly or “liiiittle bit crazy” they might seem.

And it made me wonder: is this why God doesn’t always let us see the full picture of our situations or our lives? Could clarity sometimes be a hindrance to faith?

What if clarity would cause us to pray only “reasonable” prayers — as though we do not serve a God who does the impossible? What if the unknown, the unclear, the uncertain, and the waiting are actually good — designed to build our faith, to keep us trusting and leaning on the Lord?

What if they teach us to pray boldly, to ask freely and without hesitation, like a child speaking to their Father?

What if the pursuit of certainty is redundant when our calling is to live by faith, not by sight?

And what if trusting the Lord with all our hearts — without leaning on our own understanding — also frees us from needing to understand at all?

Perhaps that’s not such a bad thing when the King Himself is in control.

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

Surely, The Lord Is In This Place

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Chaos, Future, Life, Uncertainty, WorshipLeave a comment

Every so often, I start fresh in Genesis—journeying through the Bible from the very beginning. Each time I start over, something new speaks to me.

Recently, one verse has stayed with me:

Then Jacob awoke from his sleep and said, ‘Surely the Lord is in this place, and I did not know it.’ — Genesis 28:16

Let’s look at how Jacob came to that moment.

His mother Rebekah had convinced him to deceive his father Isaac by pretending to be his brother Esau to receive the blessing of the firstborn. This enraged Esau—Enough for him to want to kill Jacob. Fearing for Jacob’s life, Rebekah urged him to flee.

So Jacob ran—literally fleeing for his life—and ended up in the place he would later name Bethel. There, exhausted, afraid, perhaps traumatized and wrecked with guilt, Jacob lay his head on a rock. He was alone, uncertain of his future, completely out of control.

And yet—it was in that very place that God revealed Himself to Jacob in a dream. It was there that Jacob received a promise:

I am the Lord, the God of your father Abraham and the God of Isaac. The land on which you lie I will give to you and to your descendants. Your descendants will also be like the dust of the earth… and in you and in your descendants shall all the families of the earth be blessed… I am with you and will keep you wherever you go… I will not leave you until I have done what I promised you. — Genesis 28:13–15

When Jacob wakes up, he realizes something profound: God had been with him all along—he just hadn’t known it — Hadn’t perceived it.

Fast forward to the story of Joseph, Jacob’s son, recorded in Genesis 37–50.
Joseph—his father’s beloved—was sold into slavery by his own brothers. Imagine how he must have felt: scared, betrayed, abandoned, wronged. The Bible doesn’t describe his emotions, but they’re not hard to imagine.

Yet the Bible tells us this: God was with Joseph.

This young man found favor in the eyes of the Egyptian commander and was put in charge of his household. Over the next several chapters, Joseph is wronged again and again—falsely accused, imprisoned, forgotten. And yet, the Bible repeats: God was with Joseph.

My life the past few years has been focused on humanitarian assistance, providing spiritual and physical aid to hurting people around the world in Jesus’ name. The people I serve have been victims of war, poverty, natural disasters, disease, and famine. They are in their current state through no fault of their own. These people have lost their homes, land, livelihoods—even loved ones. Their future is uncertain.

Their homes are gone, but their mortgages remain.
Their cars are gone, but the payments persist.
Their loved ones are gone, but they must endure.

They didn’t ask to be in this place. But here they are.

Some haven’t even begun to process the past, let alone imagine a future.
And yet, in this place, shaped by a storm of some sorts that uprooted lives, God was there—and they weren’t even aware of it. God is there in the teams that show up to provide food, clean water, nutrition commodities, medical assistance, and even shelter; to share the love of Jesus.

So, what about you? What brought you to the place you find yourself in today? Do you see God in it? Are you aware of His presence?

Will you, like Jacob, say, “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I didn’t know it”?

Will you, like Joseph, trust that God is still with you?

Have you, like the people I get to serve, seen the Lord meet you at your point of need?

Will you let Him?

Regardless of how you got here—or how I got here—this is true:

God is in this place. And perhaps, that isn’t just enough—it’s everything.

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

Single, Not Alone: Trusting God in the Waiting

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Life, RelationshipsLeave a comment

Service this past Sunday was interesting. It was on singleness – Definitely not what I was expecting on Mother’s Day. However, it did get me thinking about my own journey of singleness.

I’ll admit it: talking about singleness makes me uncomfortable. Hearing someone else talk about it makes me cringe. But it shouldn’t. I’m not ashamed of it. So why do I treat it like a touchy subject?

A long time ago, I made a decision—to speak openly about the things I wished more people talked about. I know there are many like me who are content in this season of life, yet still struggle from time to time. If that’s you, I want you to know: you are not alone. I see you. I feel you. I’m in the same boat. I often wonder if walking through this season of life would be easier if more people would talk about it. I think it would. Knowing you’re not alone always makes a difference.

I am 38yrs old.

When you’re my age, people stop asking the question most singles dread: “When are you getting married?” You’ve either been written off by others—or you’ve written yourself off. Maybe you’re surrounded by the narrative that you’re just not doing enough to be in the “right place” to meet someone.

There was a season when loved ones would say things like, “How are you ever going to meet someone if you’re in Africa, in the middle of nowhere? You’re doing yourself a disservice. You need to be where people can see you.” I know they meant well, and they said those things because they cared. But even with the best intentions, those words were still painful to hear.

Is walking in obedience to God’s call over my life, the reason I’m still single?

I have no doubt that God called me to missions. For a season, that meant South Sudan and Ethiopia. Today, it means the United States. If God had wanted, I could’ve met someone in the middle of a swamp. But I remained single—even among 1.3 billion people in India, where I lived until 2013.

Sunday’s sermon made some powerful points—ones that deeply resonated with me:

  • Singleness is a gift. It allows for undivided devotion to the Lord, the freedom to focus, space to grow, and the capacity to serve.
  • Your relationship status isn’t your identity.
  • Life doesn’t begin after marriage. You are living a full life now. I know I am.
  • Singleness is not a break from your purpose. If you’re not living out your purpose now, that’s a heart issue—not a relationship status issue.
  • Singleness is a sacred opportunity to spend time with the Lord—because He is enough.

I agreed with all the points, but I struggled a bit with the last one—specifically, “God is enough.”
Then why do I still want more?

I love Jesus. My life revolves around Him. He is my sun, and I am all nine planets. I do not know a life apart from Him, and I don’t want one. But when someone says Jesus should be enough in my singleness, I feel a pang of sadness. Because despite loving Him with my whole heart, I still feel a deep longing for a partner.

The Lord and I have talked about this—often. And I want to share something He showed me that has helped me deeply:

The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:15, 17).

In Adam’s most intimate season with God, God saw that it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone. That’s worth noticing. Adam didn’t feel the need for a helper. He didn’t crave for it. He didn’t desire it. He didn’t ask for it. He had no reference point for loneliness. But God saw him. He saw that he was alone. And God decided Adam needed a helper—so He created Eve.

Why bring this up? Because it’s important to recognize that you can be content in the Lord and still desire a partner. The two can co-exist; By design they can co-exist. Learning this, recognizing this, and embracing this has been nothing short of freeing.

A few more thoughts I wish we talked about more often:

  • Embrace your singleness. Really enjoy it. Take care of yourself. Go on those trips you’ve saved in your reels. Don’t wait to live your life. I grew up hearing, “Do whatever you want after you’re married, with your husband.” I’m so glad I didn’t listen. I’ve traveled solo and with friends—and I have zero regrets.
  • Be the best aunt you can be. Your siblings’ and friends’ kids may have other aunties—but they are not you.
  • Celebrate others—but allow yourself to grieve. When younger friends and cousins get married, rejoice with them. But also acknowledge your own longing. That grief is real.
  • You don’t always have to be strong. On the hard days, let yourself feel it. Cry. Grieve. Eat ice cream straight from the carton. Your tears are not a betrayal of your faith. You can trust God and be sad. They are not mutually exclusive. Feel the down in the dumps, but don’t stay there.
  • Cherish your married friends. Don’t discount them just because you’re in different life stages. Be the third wheel if you must. A tuk-tuk has three wheels—and it’s fun!
  • Wrestle with the Lord. Lament. He’s not afraid of your tears or your questions. And if, like me, you don’t know what to ask—just sit in His presence and let the tears fall freely.
  • Trust Jesus with your desires. Even if they are never fulfilled, He is still trustworthy.

Don’t reason your way through your singleness:

  • “Did I do something to deserve this?”
    Oh friend—if we all got what we deserved… yikes.
  • “I must be unlovable or damaged.”
    How dare you! You are deeply loved—by friends, family, and above all, your Creator. Don’t disregard the love you have, because of a love you do not.
  • “Am I not good enough?”
    There is nothing “not enough” about you. You are more than enough.
  • “Maybe my standards are too high?”
    Choosing a life partner is second only to choosing to follow Christ. Don’t you dare apologize for having standards.
  • “Being single means I can’t have a family.”
    Ask your parents, siblings, and friends if they consider you family. You already belong.
  • “Life will be better when I’m married.”
    If you’re not fulfilled now, you won’t be fulfilled in marriage.
  • “God is holding out on me.”
    “He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all—how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?” (Romans 8:32)
  • “Single = Alone.”
    Are you isolating yourself? If not, you’re not alone.
  • “I need to look a certain way to be desirable.”
    That’s a lie I believed for too long. Surely if I lose just a few more lbs/kgs someone will notice me. What happens when you gain weight? Or age? Beauty fades, bodies change. You are fearfully and wonderfully made—Don’t ever forget that.
  • “It’s too late for me.”
    That’s what Abraham, Sarah, Zechariah, Elizabeth thought. But God…!!!

I have often prayed, as I am sure you have too: “Lord, if marriage is not Your plan for me, just tell me. Then I will know for sure, and I can move on with my life.”

I have come to realize that the pursuit of certainty is redundant when the calling is to live by faith and not by sight. What I see and understand is so very minute and miniscule in significance to all that I don’t see or understand. So, I have decided that I will embrace whatever the Lord has allowed for me to have right now, to be faithful to what He has placed in my hands. If the Lord is truly the Keeper of my heart, then it is His job to care for it, shield it, protect it, and entrust it to another.

There is a lot I do not know, but this I do know:

“As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15)
Even if it is a house of one.

“Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain” (Psalm 127:1a)
Let the Lord build. You chill. Travel. Spoil your nieces and nephews.

I lift my eyes up; my help comes from the Lord.

This is the Way. Walk in it.

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Life, WorshipLeave a comment

I was recently deboarding a plane, and there was a mama behind me, calling out directions, “Go! Go!” I looked around to see who she was talking to. And sure enough, about 2ft off the floor, was this little munchkin toddling about behind me. She was listening to the instruction her mama was giving her, and followed through as best as she could. The mama was struggling with her bags and didn’t have enough hands to hold the toddler. I decided to help, and offered my guiding hand to this little explorer. She clutched my hand, and we made our way out of the plane, and down the stairs to the buses. Mama and baby were to go to Nigeria, while I was on my way to South Sudan. “Come on, let’s go. This way!” mama called out to the little girl when it was time for us to part ways. They were headed to Abuja. I was not. Whether the little girl kicked and screamed, or smiled and laughed, THAT was the direction she had to go in – the one her mama was leading her in.

Over the past few months I been thinking a lot about direction, God’s leading, choices, and the impact of our choices on the prevailing of God’s will. My prayer has been this – Lord, if I have a choice in the direction my life is headed, where does, “the steps of a righteous man are ordered by God,” come into play? Are You directing my steps, or am I choosing them?

The year 2023 is going to be a year of change, of new beginnings. It’s going to be a fresh start, in a new location, serving a new people. It is as scary, as it is exciting. The choice I make, will determine whether I stay in South Sudan, or move to another country. What if it’s a location I don’t want to go to? How will I know that that choice is the right one?

I was texting a friend about the direction I think the Lord is leading me in. No sooner than I pressed ‘send,’ I received a call, and on the other side was my loving friend, asking me with genuine concern, “Rachel, what are you doing? Have you thought this through? You know you have a choice. God can use you just as well in a different direction.”  Choice. I do have a choice.

From the time I asked myself that life defining question, “What is it that I’m doing that has any eternal gain?” my choices have been a series of denying myself and following Christ. Quitting a well-paying and stable job to pursue higher education at a time when I should’ve been home, starting a family and laying down roots; staying in the U.S. even when it didn’t seem like another job was on the horizon, trusting that He will provide; returning to India and feeling like I didn’t have the opportunity to lay down roots even though I desperately wanted to; coming to a conflict-ridden place like South Sudan; staying in this warzone for over three years; and now, heading to another disaster-stricken location.

The choices I have made have definitely not been in my best interest – at least in the way you and I understand it. But for the kingdom of heaven, they have been pivotal. God doesn’t need me to accomplish His purposes. I know this. And yet He calls out, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” My unequivocal response, a thousand times, is this – “Here I am Lord, send me” (Isaiah 6:8).  

Yes, I have a choice. Therefore, I choose to say yes to any, and every opportunity He gives me to walk in obedience to Him, and in service to His people, wherever they may be – India, America, South Sudan, Timbuktu.

And when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left, your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it’ ~ Isaiah 30:21

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord

God Was With (insert name)

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Life, South Sudan, Uncertainty1 Comment

In less than three months, I would’ve completed three years of living in and loving South Sudan. Every ounce of service I’ve rendered to the people of this country has been worth it. Sure, living in a war-torn country has its pitfalls, but the calling has always been certain. It has always been sure. Until, around this time last year when I began praying about my next steps. South Sudan was never part of any of my plans, yet here I was. At the end of my first year in Juba, I asked the Lord if it was time for me to leave. His response was sure and certain – “Stay longer. Dig deeper.” So, during my second year in this young nation, that’s what I did. I dug deeper. Deeper in my job. Deeper in my relationships. Deeper in my personal growth. I became even more intentional with people, and that much more intentional with my job.

When you live in a country like South Sudan, life is unique. You have freedom, but your freedom is restricted. For example, all NGOs have a curfew – You must be back on your compound by 8pm. Also, you live on a compound. It is gated, fenced with barbwires, and has uniformed guards 24/7. As a woman, you have to exercise more caution – You can’t drive here. You can’t even go out for a walk by yourself. You must be escorted at all times. Sometimes, in the stillness of the night, you will randomly hear gunshots go off, with no explanation of why. After a certain time, locations like South Sudan begin to wear you out. It is easy to see why there is a quick turn over of aid-workers. So, at the end of two years of being here, I wasn’t out of line to once again ask the Lord if it was time for me to leave. After all, I had lived here for two full years. Without waiting for an answer, I started talking about wanting to leave with my leadership. I reached out to colleagues at our international head quarters to see if there were any openings outside of South Sudan. I knocked on every door I could find because I was convinced that two years here was long enough. I needed a change. Someone from our leadership asked me if I would stay longer, if I was offered a change here in South Sudan. I distinctly remember saying to him, “Saying yes to South Sudan, means I’m saying no to a lot of other things. I will have to think about it.” While I wasn’t entirely wrong in my statement, I only realized several months after that conversation that I was somehow convinced that if I wanted “more” out of my life, it could only happen when and if I left South Sudan, as if God was incapable of providing that “more” right here.

Over the past few days I’ve been reading the incredible story of Joseph that is recorded in the book of Genesis, chapters 37-50. Without going into too much detail, Joseph was the darling of his father, the apple of his eye. His brothers were jealous of the favoritism his dad showed him. Eventually they sell him off to a group of Egyptians, and he ends up in an Egyptian commander’s house as his slave. This is the very first in the story of Joseph where it says, “God was with Joseph.” This young boy finds favor in the eyes of the commander and is put in charge of his entire household. Because “God was with Joseph,” the commander and his household were blessed. Joseph is eventually falsely accused of making sexual advances toward the Commander’s wife, and is thrown into prison. The Bible says, “God was with Joseph.” He soon finds favor in the eyes of the Jailer, and he is put in charge of the entire prison. Long story short, Joseph makes his way up to being only next in command to Pharaoh, an eventuality that nobody could’ve possibly foreseen. What stands out to me in this, ‘rags to riches’ story, isn’t that Joseph went from rags, to riches, but that when he was in rags, “God was with Joseph.” In the lowest of lows, in the midst of captivity and slavery, in the hardest of hard places, “God was with Joseph.” For God to be with Joseph, Joseph didn’t have to be in another location. He didn’t have to be at a certain stage or season or phase in life. Wherever Joseph was, God met him there. God was with Joseph in the pit. God was with Joseph in the Commander’s house. God was with Joseph in the prison. God was with Joseph in Pharaoh’s house.

This morning in church we were singing the song “Goodness of God.” It’s one of my favorite songs and I’ve sung it so many times. Today however, the bridge hit me like a ton of bricks – “Your goodness is running after, it’s running after me.” I realized, without a shadow of doubt, that to experience God’s goodness, I didn’t have to leave South Sudan. I could experience it right here, just as I have over the past two years. What makes me think that God’s goodness is suddenly going to be withheld from me because I am entering year three? I know it seems foolish, and it is, but when feelings of being stuck and uncertain get in the way of your vision of who God is, and what He’s calling you to do, it is easy to get carried away. Please, don’t get me wrong. I’m not implying that living in a war-torn country is a cake-walk. It most definitely is not. Over the past few months I have wanted to desperately leave and make a run for it, and it was frustrating the daylights out of me that the Lord simply wouldn’t let me. It is true that saying “Yes” to South Sudan is definitely saying “No” to a lot of things, but I have to resonate with David’s words – “I will not offer to the Lord my God sacrifices that have cost me nothing.”

Yes, staying longer in South Sudan will cost me, but the cost of obedience is always worth it, whether I feel it or not, whether I see it or not. So, until it’s time to leave, I will stay. I will trust in the Lord with all of my heart, and I will not lean on my own understanding. In all of my ways I will acknowledge Him, and He will make my paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6).

You prepare a table before me, in the presence of my enemies. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life (Psalm 23: 5-6 bits and pieces).

Here’s four points that you should take back from this post:

  1. Regardless of where you are, God is with you; Even if it doesn’t feel that way.
  2. Surely, goodness and mercy will follow you all the days of your life.
  3. God is faithful. He always has been. He always will be. He is trustworthy. He will not let you down.
  4. If God’s making you wait, He has good reason for it; Even if He won’t share the reason with you.

When darkness seems to hide His face
I’ll rest on His unchanging grace
Through every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil.

On Christ the solid rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand.
All other ground is sinking sand.

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord.

What Good Is It?

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Uncategorized1 Comment

I grew up in a country that puts a lot of pressure and importance on academia. By the time you reach 10th grade, you should already know what your career path would be – Often times it is medicine or engineering. The “Arts” were considered an area for the not-so-bright science rejects. So imagine my family’s disappointment when I decided I did not want to pursue any of the “bright” subjects, especially because I was a very bright child. “At the very least, do computers or finance,” my dad pleaded. If you knew me, you’d know how terrible I would’ve been in any of those careers. I mean, can you see me crunching numbers? My Math teacher in class 10 said she’d be impressed if I even just barely made a passing grade. Joke’s on her – I scored 92/100. What does this piece of information have to do with this post? Nothing at all. I just wanted to talk about my excellent score 🙂

I love my dad, and he loved me dearly but boy did we not see eye to eye when it came to my academic choices. Everything was a fight. After my excellent Math score in grade 10, he was adamant that I do engineering. I was adamant that I would make a terrible engineer. So to appease him and find a half way point, I chose to do Math, Economics and Commerce in my 11th and 12th. The only thing that came out of that choice was trauma from miserably failing Math, and a shattered self-confidence from bringing upon myself the shame of flunking a career-defining exam.

College and my choice of major was another fight – I’m talking strong and loud arguments and tears till my eyes were swollen. I was finally given the OK to pursue Communications. The OK wasn’t a – I believe in you; you’ve got this – kind of OK. It was a – I’ve given up on you; do what you want – kind of OK. Ouch! Every brown person reading this knows exactly what I’m talking about.

One of my classes in college was international relations. When I started reading about the United Nations (UN), my heart was set on it. That’s where I saw myself heading. I wanted to work with the UN because it was my only point of reference for disaster relief, humanitarian aid, international development – everything that would fulfill my heart’s desire to do something of value. I thought my tenure with the U.S. Consulate General in Hyderabad, was my stepping stone to world relief. But after working there for close to four years, I realized I wanted to do more with my life – I wanted to do something that was of eternal value. After a lot of thinking and prayer and consideration, I decided to quit and pursue another degree.

During the two years I spent pursuing my Master’s, I fell more and more in love with channeling all my energy toward eternal gain. “What good is it for a man to gain the whole world but forfeit his soul?” (Mark 8:36). These remarkable words of Jesus would often come to mind. What good is it? Working with the UN, a diplomatic agency, would mean I could not talk about Jesus or His love. What good would it be? It took a while, but I had to make the difficult, yet conscious decision of laying down and surrendering to the Lord, my dreams of working there. Don’t get me wrong. Everything about the UN is fantastic. But somewhere, at some point, the Lord changed my heart, and my priorities. I just couldn’t process providing relief for the body, without also providing relief for the soul. That’s what Jesus did.

In a few months, I will have completed three years of loving and serving the people of South Sudan. There are several days when I am frustrated and angry and wonder what I am even doing here; but there has not been a single day, a single hour, or a single minute when I have regretted my decision to move to this nation – To be here. To serve here. Even though the circumstances in this country are complex and beyond my understanding, the people are wonderful. They are resilient. They are brave. They have seen unimaginable trauma and loss but they still keep going. Everything about what I do here in Juba and South Sudan points these amazing men and women to Jesus and I love that. I love that when I laid down my dreams of the UN, the Lord showed me how His dreams were a much better choice for me – I still get to do disaster relief. I still get to provide humanitarian aid. I still get to focus on international development. But above all, I get to do it in Jesus’ name.

Some time ago, a fellow humanitarian worker asked me why faith was such a factor for me. Why did it matter why I did what I did? At the end of the day, what matters is that people’s needs are met. It is true. Meeting people’s basic needs are a priority. But the food I provide them with today is only going the help them and keep them until the next food distribution. When I first came to South Sudan, one of our national staff said to me, “Rachel, what is the hope for South Sudan? We have no point of reference.” That statement stuck with me. It’s also what keeps me going. I told this fellow humanitarian worker that in order to remove hunger, I needed to provide food. What could I offer in order to remove hopelessness? “We give them hope,” he responded. “What is your point of reference for hope?” I asked him. He didn’t have an answer. I did.

We often use the term ‘Hope’ to project uncertainty – I hope you feel better; I hope you are doing well; I hope you make it safely; But there isn’t a thing that is uncertain about hope. Hope is distinct. It is absolute. It is certain. “We have this certain hope like a strong, unbreakable anchor holding our souls to Jesus himself. Our anchor of hope is fastened to the mercy seat in the heavenly realm beyond the sacred threshold” ~ Hebrews 6:19. My hope comes from Jesus. He is the hope for South Sudan. Because of Him, I am able to provide relief and hope to a very broken people, in a very broken country, that have no immediate relief from their very broken context – all in the name of Jesus, my anchor of hope.

“What good is it to a man if he would gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?” ~ Mark 8:36

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

Worth Too Much

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Life1 Comment

Ok, this is a long one but it is worth the read. So, last month I went to Kuala Lumpur – My first trip to Malaysia. I loved it! It felt like America, but everyone drove on the left side of the road. Ergo, happy medium! I explored quite a bit and came back to India with the profound understanding that Malaysians LOVE live music. Man! Wherever I went, there was music – Subway, food court, hotel lobby, food fair – and it was GOOD music! But as always, all good things must come to an end and so did my Malaysian adventure.

On our way back, my papa-figure colleague got upgraded to business class and insisted on letting me have his spot. After much persuasion I finally agreed and excitedly marched my way to this area that had a ‘Class’ of its own. I’d NEVER been on this side of the curtain before. I was super excited! Hehe. I ended up sitting next to this really jovial, enthu-cutlet like man who later became my crash course on all things business class. From helping me figure out where to keep my luggage, to how to get my foot rest going, to ordering a meal – Yes, in business class, the choice is more than “Vegetarian” or “Non-Vegetarian,” and you can’t just kick up your foot rest. Ask me. I know. I tried, struggled, failed and then in a rather amused tone came the instruction, “Just push the button” and voila, the foot rest came out!

After barely 5mins of ice-breaking small talk, this new friend really caught me off guard with the question – “So, who are you in love with?” Hahahaha! I know you’re laughing too. You’d think I’d be irritated at the complete lack of personal space on a question as private as that. But surprisingly, I found it rather refreshing, having gotten tired of the usual superficial conversations that simply stick to, “So, tell me about yourself.” I don’t know if he really wanted to know, but it felt good to have someone be interested in my life. Before I knew it, we talked about, what seemed to me like everything under the sun, including my love life, or the lack thereof. I’ve come to realize that there’s something very special about talking to strangers – at least strangers like this one – because there is no reason whatsoever to have your guard up. I mean, what are the odds that I’d see him again? So down came the walls. And as we chatted, yes,

I let him get in a few sentences as well, I enjoyed the complete genuineness of the conversation, the lack of pretense, and the wow, you’re actually interesting, aspect of it all. One thing that stood out in all of our chatter was this undeniable notion that this was no ordinary man that I was talking to. The more we talked, the more I realized that he was a business tycoon of sorts. Good thing I hadn’t a clue of who he was. If I did, trust me, I would’ve sat next to him like either he or I were a ‘Touch me not’ and I wouldn’t have dared to open my mouth in front of it. Then again, nowhere during our conversation did this gentleman have any air about himself. He was actually quite a nice, HILARIOUS dude. I have no idea how fast the 5hrs on the flight zipped by.

Talking to my newfound friend really made me think about the prejudices I have. I mean, if I knew he was a fraction of the big-shot that he is, I probably would’ve just assumed that he wouldn’t want to talk to me. And boy, would I have missed out on so much. He gave me a sneak-peak into a world that will most likely, 99.9%, never be mine. I got the front row seat to the highlights of this man’s life, who, in my opinion has the Midas touch, and yet, no chip on the shoulder was found. I am so glad I had no idea who he was when I met him, because I got to know the person that he is, rather than be shaded by his accomplishments and glory. In our conversation, the topic of my Alopecia came up – don’t ask me how – and by the end of the conversation, I had him bantering about a “Hey baldy!” Lol! And no, I was not offended. It felt good to, for once, not have someone feel sorry for me. It was good to meet a man who was beyond reach on the totem pole, yet to me, in those 5hrs, was as down to earth as can be – until he started bragging about the amazing shower he had in his hotel room. Gah! Jk.

In my entire rendezvous with my new friend, there was one thing he said that stuck with me. He said, “I am worth too much.” “Well of course you are! You’re a BUSINESS TYCOON with the Midas touch” I thought. But as I said my goodbyes and got off the flight, I couldn’t help but ask myself, “What then am I worth?” I’m a nobody. Now before you get all riled up about that statement, I don’t mean to be self-deprecating but if we’re being honest, you know it’s true. I don’t have a fancy job, I can barely make ends meet, I don’t have the Midas touch… heck, I don’t even have a green thumb! Nothing.

Like I said, I am a nobody. So, what am I worth?

And in the stillness of the night resonated these crystal-clear words – “You are worth three nails, 1.5 gallons of blood, a cross and an empty tomb.”

So, am I worth too much? ABSOLUTELY!

In closing I must say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

PS: My hope is that one day I will sell this photograph and make millions of dollars! 😁

The Cross has the Final Word

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Chaos, Life, Worship1 Comment

DDBDHXWUMAEHif7The past few months have been the hardest I’ve ever experienced. I have felt rejected, small, unheard, super low on priority lists and downright blah! I’ve tasted a whole other dimension of hurt, betrayal, lies and brokenness by people I loved the most and looked up to my entire life. In the midst of this confusion about what my reaction should be, the Bible reminded me that I was indeed called to a higher calling. If we are called to love our enemies, how much more are we to love our loved ones? After all, it hurts so bad because they’re people that we have loved so deeply. But see, that’s the thing. They are people. And people, by nature, are broken.

Along with lessons of brokenness, and how even our loved ones are broken and make irreparable mistakes every now and then, I’ve learned new lessons on grace, forgiveness, love, peace, restitution and restoration. I tasted what it feels like to take the fall for someone else, to pay the price that was never mine to pay in the first place, to be confident of the decision – “Better me than him/her” … Needless to say, it wasn’t easy. It just wasn’t easy!

I cannot begin to tell you how many times I wished I could just bury my head in the ground like an ostrich and completely ignore my surroundings – But that’s a luxury I evidently did not have. I knew what the right thing to do was, but under the weight of all that was going on, the “Right thing” just seemed insignificant and pointless. Nonetheless, it was done merely because it was the right thing to do. Plus, if I don’t, who will?

Even though this entire ordeal was excruciating, the key words here being “Was” and “Excruciating,” I learned a whole lot of things about love, life, friends, family and people. But above all, I had a new appreciation for salvation – Perhaps my analogy is a bit far-fetched. Nonetheless, it made sense to me:

  • Jesus took the fall for me, a hit that was never His to take. But He did it anyway.
  • Jesus paid the price for MY sin – that price was never His to pay. But He did it anyway.
  • When Jesus hung on the cross, He looked at me and said, “Better me, than you.”

I have no business crying and telling Jesus that He had no idea what I was going through, because the shoes that He walked in, are a hundred times worse than the ones that I did. Did it hurt? Sure it did. But I wasn’t alone. And you know what? If my ultimate purpose is to be like Him, to grow into His likeness everyday, then why am I surprised that I am called to follow suite? That I am called to forgive more than seventy times seven – not once, not twice, not even 10 times but above and beyond all of that! I mean, God knows I’ve done more than my share of sinning and have said less than my share of “Sorrys”. When He forgave them all, why should I hesitate to do the same?

You know, I’m one of those people who likes to move on in life and quickly. I believe what’s done is done, nothing you can be done to change the past. So, learn from it, and get on with life. Some call it resilience, some maturity, some downright denial, some others foolishness and still more, an abuse of grace. Truth be told, I have come to realize and experience for myself that forgiveness is a choice. A hard choice, but one that frees you from the clutches of bitterness when you don’t even realize that you’re a prisoner. All the advice I got from people wiser than me, left me in a state of cognitive dissonance – What was right, what wasn’t? Could I trust my judgement anymore? Is pronouncing a sentence my call to make? Who determines how sorry the offender is? Should my forgiveness depend on the degree of their remorse? Can anyone really earn forgiveness? If I’m bearing the brunt of someone else’s actions, then am I not justified in being resentful? The answer to every single one of these questions, came in the form of yet another question – What would Jesus do? I wore that bracelet so often in my teenage years. It was now time to live it. What would Jesus do?

If you don’t take back anything else from this post, take this back – It takes more energy to be mad than it takes to forgive. And as stupid as it may seem, as complacent as it appears, or as pointless as it may be deemed, forgiveness is always the right answer!

“Why?” you ask? Because of the finished work of Jesus on the cross –

“Forgive us Lord our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us!”

After all, the cross has the final word!

In closing I must say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

Hasta La Vista 2016!

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Life3 Comments

In less than three days we will find ourselves at the threshold of a brand new year – 2017. I still remember when I rang in 2016. Where did the year go? When this year began I was pretty certain it would take its own sweet time to come to an end but boy was I wrong!!! Seems like just yesterday I wished the world a happy new year 2016.

When I look back at this year, I can barely get my bearings right as I think about all the experiences that unfolded over the past 12 months. In some ways my life doesn’t seem to have changed a bit since the beginning of 2016 to now – I was knee deep in uncertainty then and I am knee deep in uncertainty now. Along with that, another thing that hasn’t changed, is my hope in the God Who is in control of that uncertainty and the assurance that my future is uncertain only to me. God knows exactly what He’s doing!

2016 has been a year that has challenged me in more ways than I have the courage to admit. It opened my eyes to a whole new understanding of Who God is and His unwavering, unchanging character, which alone remains my anchor for the new year to come. This year has made me stronger, smarter, more vulnerable, more open to letting people see my not-so-strong side, more passionate, more loving, more giving and here’s my favorite – more sensitive to God and to what’s on His heart for both me and those around me.

From standing on the verge of giving up any idea of staying in the US, to watching the Lord move mountains to prove otherwise, to finally being convinced of where I belong, to heartbreaking disappointments, to feeling like the battle was mine alone, to throwing a tantrum before the Lord and then letting Him set me straight (Yikes!), to being consumed by an overwhelming sense of uncertainty over every aspect of my life, to understanding and for a change, truly trusting with all of my heart, even when I don’t see the evidence of that trust, that God, and He alone is in control of my past, present and future, 2016 year has been quite the roller coaster ride and I am a better woman for it.

I often wonder why trials and challenges come my way – I’m pretty certain I’m not the only one who thinks about this. Truth be told, the lessons you learn in your brokenness are the lessons that end up building your character and making you the person you were meant to be. Times of trials chisel our hearts to be sensitive to God’s love, His voice and His specific will for our lives, if we can only still ourselves long enough to trust His heart.

If there is one lesson I’ve learned this past year that I will surely take with me in to 2017, it is this – That God is unchanging and I can take Him for His word – Not my words. He says so in Micah 3:6, “I the Lord do not change.” Because of His unchanging character, I will, like the Psalmist say, “Your testimonies are my delight; They counsel me” (Ps 119:24).

Because He was my provider (Genesis 22:14) in 2016 and because He does not change, He will be my provider in 2017.

Because He loved me in 2016 and because He does not change, He will love me in 2017. Also, He’s already said that He loves me with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3).

Because His Word has been a lamp to my feet (Psalm 119:108) in 2016 and because He does not change, His Word will guide me in 2017.

Because He moved mountains to fight my battles on my behalf (2 Chronicles 20:15) in 2016 and because He does not change, He will fight my battles in 2017.

Because He knew the plans He had for me in 2016 and because He does not change, He knows the plans He has for me in 2017. Plans to prosper me and not harm me. Plans to give me a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).

Because He held my hand and didn’t let go of me (Deuteronomy 31:6) in 2016 and because He does not change, He will hold my hand and won’t let go of me in 2017. And that confidence, that confidence alone is reason enough for me to look forward to a brand new year 2017.

Here’s to another roller coaster ride with God! Happy New Year everyone!

#neveradullmomentwithJesus

In closing I must say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

 

Yes, I Wear a Wig

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Life3 Comments

I never thought I’d find myself gathering the courage to write about this. For far too long I’ve let myself feel embarrassed and downright small over something that I wish I could control but sadly cannot. This post is my attempt to embrace my shortcomings and flaws, to stop being embarrassed about how I am created, to truly see myself as Christ sees me – Fearful and wonderful, and to raise awareness on basic sensitivity. A woman’s hair is said to be her “Crowning Glory” – So what about if a woman doesn’t have hair? Does she no longer have anything glorious about her?

When I woke up this morning, I had a big smile plastered on my face. Today was the day I would be annoyingly perky, getting on the nerves of anyone who hadn’t had their caffeine fix for the day. My hair was set right. My lipstick didn’t find a way to make it to my teeth. My pants fit just right, and boy did I look good! (Yes, I can be very vain sometimes!). I sat at the breakfast table and began chowing down my food whilst humming to Anthem Lights’ hymn mash ups – Y’all, if you haven’t heard them, you need to stop what you’re doing AFTER reading this post of course, and go check them out. They’re WOW! Anyway, a gentleman I met a few days ago passed by me and I gave him a polite, smiling “Hello.” He returned my greeting with this horrific question – One that I’ve tried so long to dodge: “Ma’am, please don’t feel bad but, are you wearing a wig?” I wish with all my heart that I looked at him and asked him to mind his own business, or even give him the deathly stare that would make him want to pull his own eyeballs out, or at the very least used my fork to not-so-gently force it through his thigh. Instead, I froze in my seat. All that confidence I finally built up over these years, came crashing down as I fake-smiled at him and answered, “Yes, I do wear a wig.” He just looked at me, obviously not expecting that answer, smiled a shocked smile, and changed the subject. How did knowing the answer to that question edify this gentleman’s life? Did it change his day in any way? No, right? Unfortunately, answering it changed mine. My precious perky high spirit came tumbling down into the dumps.

Alopecia isn’t something that’s talked about – at least not in India. We are perpetually obsessed with two things – A fair complexion and long, silky hair, neither of which I have. Heck, I’d be thrilled if I could barely cover my scalp. But that is a luxury I do not have. When I was 12yrs old, I fell extremely ill, the recovery from which left me putting on a lot of weight and losing a lot of hair. While controlling my weight is in my hands, losing hair or growing it, isn’t. I’ve tried Homeopathy, Alopathy, visited this doctor, tried that cream, and all of them left me staring at the mirror with a broken heart, a shattered self-confidence and a crushed spirit. I don’t think I have any more tears left to cry about this. I’m done.

Last year, I finally gave up on the dream of growing hair like a normal person, and shaved off whatever little I had left, to embrace God’s gift to people suffering from Alopecia – A wig! When I put it on, I was thrilled, not so much because of how I looked, but because of how I felt. I felt normal. I breathed a sigh of relief that finally, I would no longer have random strangers come and pitifully tsk at me for developing bald patches all over my scalp (True story!). I had my own inhibitions about wearing a wig. I wrestled with the idea for a very long time but I finally became comfortable with it.

I know that a lot of people have wondered how my hair made such a drastic turn around. Others have wondered how I never have a bad hair day. And still others have wondered if I wear a wig. For far too long, I was embarrassed about acknowledging it. But not any more. Today, I choose to hold my head up and believe with all my heart that it’s okay that I don’t have hair. It’s okay that I have obvious bald patches. It’s okay that I choose to wear a wig. Today, when that gentleman asked me about my wig, I hated the way that question made me feel. I hated how embarrassing that moment was for me. I realized that the only reason I felt as hurt as I did was because I was somehow embarrassed and uncomfortable with my choice. Why on earth should I be embarrassed though? If anyone should be embarrassed it should be people who choose to be insensitive toward other people. This ends today. Today, I take back the power.

The fact that I don’t have hair doesn’t take away from the fact that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, a girl made in the image of her Creator. It doesn’t discount the fact that I am sweet, loving and caring. I have a fun personality, a care-a-damn attitude, and a hilarious spunk. I’ve let Alopecia make me feel small for far too long. It’s time to look Alopecia in the face, kick it in its butt and say, I’m pressed but not crushed; Struck down but not destroyed. I’ve been blessed beyond the curse for His promises endure. Though the sorrow may last for the night, His joy comes in the morning!

As you finish reading this post, I have a few requests to make of you –

  1. Please don’t feel sorry for me. I don’t feel sorry for me. You shouldn’t either. Plus, that wasn’t the point of the post.
  2. Share this post with these hash-tags: #wonderfullymade #skinisonlyskindeep #takebackthepower.
    In a world that’s attempting to be “inclusive” let’s also be inclusive of people like me. If you and I don’t talk about it, who will?
  3. Proudly post about your physical ‘flaws’ with the hash-tag #takebackthepower
  4. Lastly, but most importantly, if you ever see my wig out of place, please tell me (in my ear).

The reason I chose to write this post today is because I felt that it was about time all of us shifted our eyes from what’s on the outside and focus on what’s on the inside. Because skin is only skin deep. True beauty lies within you. Everything else is superficial and temporary.

As I conclude this post, I want to jump off of Martin Luther King’s speech and say just this:

“I have a dream that one day, my children are judged not by what they look like on the outside, but by the content of who they are on the inside.”

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

#fearfullyandwonderfullymade #skinisonlyskindeep #takebackthepower