Tag: Life

What Should I “DO”?

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Chaos, Future, Life2 Comments

Today marks exactly four months since my unexpected return to India. Some days I feel like I never left. On other days, I cannot believe that I am back. Not that being back is bad. It’s just … How do I put it? … It’s weird. I wish I could explain it better but all my friends who lived in a foreign country and came back to their motherland will know what I mean. Let’s just say that reverse culture shock is a real thing. Getting readjusted to life in India is a challenge. Unfortunately not everyone understands that. People never fail to remind you that you have only been away for three years and that India is where you were born and raised. Trust me, I know that. I realize that and I am NOT trying to stand out or have a chip on my shoulder. Au contraire mon amie, all I really want more than anything is to get back to living in India – I have zero intention of keeping my heart in America and my feet here.

Other than going bonkers over the constant honking and the sudden overwhelming realization that we Indians are LOUD, it’s been good to be back – For the most part that is. It’s been wonderful to be back with family and have the freedom to go see my niece and nephews whenever I want. The first month and half was great. My only goal in life was to chill and enjoy just being here, not worrying too much about what the future holds. But after those 45 days went by, the four dreaded words came out of every single person I passed by – “So, what’s your plan?” On the surface I smile and tell them that I am taking one day at a time and seeking the Lord to show me the next steps. But on the inside, I’m screaming, pulling my hair apart, wishing with all my heart that I knew the answer to that painful question.

Some of you know that I have been working with Operation Christmas Child International as an International Field Representative (IFR). This requires me to travel quite a bit and observe distribution events, which I ABSOLUTELY love! I get to watch first hand the joy that the effort and love of you wonderful shoebox packers make on the lives of little children. If I tell you some of the stories I’ve witnessed, you’ll need a box of tissues – I kid you not. But the position of an IFR is neither full time nor permanent. While I thoroughly enjoy what I do, I once again wonder, “What next?” The more I pray about it, the more I know that the Lord hasn’t released me from OCC yet. I’m still completely sold out to the power of a simple shoebox gift. However, the most difficult part of being back in India and being with OCC is that because I travel a lot, I am unable to build any community. I know it seems weird since I’ve lived my whole life in India. Truth be told, time and distance make a big difference in friendships and community. From the time I have returned, I’ve been begging the Lord for a community. I’m constantly surrounded by this overwhelming feeling of standing with suitcases in my hand and being completely incapable of putting them down and just resting. I’m convinced that, for reasons only He knows, the Lord is intentionally keeping me from building community, laying down roots or investing in relationships.

The other day, while in Delhi on OCC work, I sat in my hotel room praying about where my life was headed. Somehow I ended up watching a video about people being in the pit from time to time. Now I’m not quite sure what happened but all I remember from that evening is that I just burst in to tears. I cried like I hadn’t in years! Once I was done, I felt like this burden lifted from my shoulders. I feel so much better. While crying my heart out to the Lord, I caught myself saying these words – “What do You want me to do Lord? Please tell me. What should I do?” And I realized, the Lord is already working in the background. He doesn’t want me to be “Doing” anything. He just wants me to BE. For a doer like me, that was hard to accept. But it explains why I’ve been so frustrated. While I want to “Do” He just wants me to “Be.” I’ll be honest – I’m still trying to figure out how to do this but at least I now know where my lesson lies. I trust the Lord with all of my heart and I know that His reasons for keeping me waiting will in time be well worth it.

So until the Lord thinks I am ready to see the manifestation of His plans for me, I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

 

Does it Hurt? Good!

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Life3 Comments

When I was still on my “Goodbye” road trip in America, I found out that my uncle in India was admitted in the hospital for an emergency vascular surgery. For several years now he’s had an issue with his leg. Over the past couple of years he developed an ulcer that needed attention off and on. So I just assumed that this particular visit to the hospital too was one of those times when his vascular condition wasn’t life threatening but simply needed attention. When I spoke to my aunt, she told me the same thing. I’ve always known my aunt to call it as it is and to never mince words so when she said he was okay, I figured he truly was fine.

Once I landed in Hyderabad, I spent a week with my family and headed straight to Vellore to see my uncle. If you know anything about me, you’ll know that family is a priority for me. If I even remotely sense that they might need help, I’ll plonk myself there and do whatever I can to make life a little easy for them. Hence, when I arrived in Vellore, I took my aunt’s place as my uncle’s helper in the hospital, so that my aunt could get some time and room to breathe and relax. On our way to the hospital, my aunt asked me if I wanted to see what the wound on my uncle’s leg looked like. Since I was well equipped to gory visuals thanks to my loyalty to medical drama shows like Grey’s Anatomy, I figured I could handle a little ulcer. When I saw the picture though, I quickly realized that my aunt had underplayed the severity of my uncle’s condition. From what I saw, it seemed like the doctors chopped off my uncle’s entire calf – trust me, I’m not exaggerating! There was a gaping hole in my uncle’s leg and I could see the white calf muscle through it. I simply couldn’t believe it! I pretended to be strong and put on a brave front when I finally hugged my uncle in the hospital.

Soon, the doctors came on their rounds and began re-doing the dressing on his leg. Forgetting that real life was nothing like a medical drama, I watched the doctors unfold the wound that lay buried beneath all of those bandages. As they uncovered that gaping hole, I could see my uncle squirm in pain. “God is good! God is good!” he reminded himself. My heart broke to watch him in such pain. I couldn’t understand how it got this bad. Why did he neglect it? Why did he allow it to fester this long? I simply didn’t understand! One key point to this story is this – My uncle is an orthopedic surgeon. So it boggled my mind even more that he didn’t catch this wound before it became an “emergency!”

After my uncle settled down from the fresh agony that changing the dressing caused, and I finally got my bearings in order, I asked him to tell me why he waited this long. He looked at me and said, “I didn’t know it was this bad. I felt no pain.” Oddly enough, the reason my uncle was now in so much pain, was because he felt no pain before. He felt no pain because the flesh in his calf was dead. Because the infection killed the flesh around his muscle, he felt nothing. The only symptom he had was fever – a sign of infection.

As I reflected on what my uncle said, I realized the importance of pain. The reason his leg hurts so much now is because the wound is fresh and the tissue around it is alive. Does that make sense? Dead tissue doesn’t cause pain – Just infection but no pain. And in that moment I wondered if the purpose for pain in our lives was to remind us that we are alive. If I felt no pain, it would just be a matter of time before my heart and my soul became numb. If it didn’t hurt, I would be calloused. Pain reminds me that I’m alive, that my heart and soul are alive. Pain reminds me that it will get better. Pain reminds me that recovery is a process and when I get to the end of it, it’ll be worth it.

Today when the doctors poke my uncle’s wound and he twitches in pain, I know two things for sure – it hurts because the tissue is alive. It doesn’t hurt as much as yesterday because the process of healing has begun.

So today I want to leave this with you – I’m not sure what it is that you are going through. I don’t know how much it hurts. But this I know. If it hurts, it’s a good thing. It means you’re alive!

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

Goodbye America! #BitterSweet

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Life, Uncertainty3 Comments

As I laid my head down to rest last night, I wondered how I would react to waking up to the knowledge that my time in America had finally come to an end. Today, I got to the airport, bid my family goodbye, walked through the security lines and got lost in the crowd. I was mentally prepared to fall apart. But you know what? I didn’t! Surprisingly I was at immense rest. This must be what the Bible calls being led by God’s peace.

As I went through check-in, security check, transit and finally boarded my international flight, I saw many moments of God’s undeniable goodness even in something as insignificant as my journey back home. I’m sure He has better things to worry about but He evidently just poured out undeserving favor on my travel and let me tell you how.

Wrapping up three years of your life into 2.5 suitcases is unfortunately not as easy as you’d think it is. I stressed all of yesterday trying to pack. Out of sheer desperation, I raised my baggage from 50lbs to 70lbs, mentally telling myself it was worth the extra cost. I also had a carry on luggage, a very full backpack and a large purse. I was concerned that I will be penalized for my inability to shrink my life to fit the airlines’ baggage policy! As I walked up to the check-in counter, I nervously weighed my bags and the woman behind the desk put the “heavy weight” tag on. While I waited for her to slap me with a steep fee, she smiled at me and said, “Don’t worry about it.” Bewildered I looked at her while she kept smiling at me saying, “Ma’am, don’t worry about it.” Tell me that wasn’t the Lord?!!! When was the last time an airline waived 20lbs extra baggage??? My point exactly!

My travel itinerary included a domestic leg from Knoxville to Chicago and international leg from Chicago. If you know anything about international flights, you’ll know that they can be very snooty about baggage size, purse size and carry on. I was not following any of their regulations. I got past domestic check-in with ease. How was I supposed to handle international check-in? As I walked to the international terminal, I found out I didn’t have to go through international check-in at all. This meant, my baggage wasn’t going to be a problem. Tell me that wasn’t the Lord?!!! When was the last time you could board an international flight without having your carry on baggage weighed??? My point exactly!

Relieved to get past all security and baggage issues, I sat down by my gate, waiting to board. As I people watched, lo and behold I see a dear dear friend running toward me. He had a layover in Chicago and changed terminals to come see me. Oh how I was filled with joy! Tell me that wasn’t the Lord?!!! When it was time to board my flight, I gave my friend one last tight hug and bid him adieu. Waving my American friend goodbye, I felt like it was a symbolic reference to me waving goodbye to this country that I called home for 3yrs. And instead of being filled with sadness, I was filled with an overwhelming sense of peace. This must be what the Bible calls being led by God’s peace!

As I stand on the threshold of a new beginning, a brand new chapter in my life, I see God’s hand in these tiny aspects of my life. Isn’t it funny that even though I’m going back to the familiarity of the country I was born and raised in for 26yrs, it still feels like I’m entering a whole new world… Wandering into unchartered territory if you will! But I realize, if the Lord took this much care for the small things in my life, such as my baggage, how much more will He care for the bigger things in my life? How much thought and planning Hw must put into what seem like the uncertainties of my life?! Even though I am sad to have left my new friends, family, community and my life in America behind me, I realize it’s time for me to start afresh. It’s time for me to reunite with my family, catch up with old friends and build new community. It’s time for me to once again trust the Lord and know for a fact that He knows exactly what He is doing. Life will go on and in His time, He will make all things beautiful! While I don’t know what the future holds, I know without a shadow of doubt, WHO it is that holds my future! This is what it must feel like to be the daughter of the Prince of Peace! So India my love, I hope you’re ready for me because here I come!

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

Enjoy the Free Fall

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Life, UncertaintyLeave a comment

In four days I will be leaving Boone for good, and in ten days I will be bidding America adieu. While I know without a shadow of doubt that I am, at this very moment, in the center of God’s will, for the first time in my life, I have no plan. I have NEVER, not had a plan. But this time, as I watched the Lord shut the door to staying in America, I decided I wanted to enjoy every single minute that I spend here before I leave this country that I have grown to love. Because of this, I have consciously chosen not to think or plan about life in India, until I actually leave American soil and land on Indian ground. When I get to India, I know that the Lord will reveal to me what He wants me to do there. After all, He is the one taking me there.

So, as part of my intentional, “Enjoy America while you can” attitude, I decided that I was going to check at least one thing off of my bucket list. On June 6, 2016, I signed several accident and death waivers, strapped myself to a harness and jumped off a plane at a height of 10,000 feet. Yes, I went Skydiving! It was the most phenomenal experience I’ve ever had. I would do it again in a heartbeat and I highly recommend that everyone do it at least once in his or her lifetime! I know I say this now that my feet have safely grounded themselves on land. But, I have to admit, when I drove up to the Skydiving center in DC, I was nervous. I wasn’t going to back out of it of course but I kept wondering what possessed me to give in to this insanity. As I sat through the instructions of what was expected of me when I jump off the plane, I thought to myself, “This instructor is nuts if he thinks I’m going to remember all of that when my heart is lodged tightly in my throat.” Thankfully, he ended the training by reminding us that we will be strapped to an instructor who knows exactly what he is doing.

As my instructor strapped on my harness, he reminded me that he had over 7,000 jumps under his belt and that because he was in charge, I had nothing to worry about. He said that when we get on the plane, he would strap himself on to me and would instruct me every step of the way, at the right time – Not too soon. Not too late. So, placing my trust and literally my entire life in the hands of this complete stranger, I got on to the tiny jet with about nine other people. While we were on the plane, my instructor began working on strapping my harness on to his own. I hadn’t a clue of what he was doing and honestly, even if he explained it to me, I’d probably not understand. All I knew was that he was tugging at the various straps on my harness and constantly giving me instructions – stand up, sit down, move to the front, lean back, bend to the side… I had no idea why he was asking me to do these but I obeyed implicitly. I didn’t question him because I knew that he was my instructor. He knew what he was doing.

Finally, it came time for us to slide to the door of the plane. As he gave me final instructions, he reminded me that he knew exactly what he was doing and that all that was required of me was to simply follow his instructions as and when he gave them. With a quick “1, 2, whoa!” my instructor pushed us out of the 10,000 ft high plane and we began the downward spiral to the ground. As I felt the rush of the free fall, I couldn’t believe what I had done. I could see the Blue Ridge Mountains to my left, the glorious sky around me, the white cotton-ball-like clouds above me and the hard ground below me. As we were falling, my instructor tapped on my shoulder and instructed me to arch my back and raise my hands and legs to enjoy the free fall. And you know what? As I paid heed to his instruction, I did just that – I enjoyed the free fall. I didn’t care that I didn’t know my instructor’s plan. I didn’t care that I could splat on the ground very hard and very fast. I didn’t care that I was at the mercy of the wind swaying me in every possible direction. I didn’t care that my parachute wasn’t open. Heck I didn’t even know where the parachute was. I just knew that my instructor knew when to open the parachute and as long as he knew when to open it, I was fine. After an amazing 60secs free fall, my instructor pulled the parachute open and the pressure of the winds pulled us high up into the sky. While gliding through the sky, I once again felt my instructor tugging at my harness. Let me repeat myself here – My instructor and I were in mid air and he was working on my harness! One wrong move and I could easily get detached from him, fall to the ground and die! But I wasn’t scared. I completely trusted him. I trusted that he knew exactly what he was doing. He loosened the harness to make me more comfortable and eventually allowed me to even maneuver the parachute. Soon, he gave me instructions on landing and before I knew it, my butt gently grazed through the grass and I was back on the ground.

As my skydiving experience came to end, I realized that I did more than check something off my bucket list… I had learned a very practical and powerful lesson on faith and trust. Today I stand on the threshold of a very uncertain future. I can feel my Lord, the great Instructor working behind the scenes and I know without a shadow of doubt that He knows exactly what He is doing. I don’t see it. In fact, I don’t see anything. I don’t hear Him give me any instructions right now. But I know that I as I sit in that plane and head back to India, at just the right time, He will give me tell me what to do. At just the right time, He will reveal His plans. Until then, I choose to take comfort in the fact that I am tightly harnessed to the Lord. He has got my back. He’s holding me. He knows where the parachute is at and He knows when to open it. He knows how to maneuver it. He knows exactly what He is doing. And because of this, as I take this leap of faith into the next chapter of my life, I choose to enjoy the free fall… the rush that comes in fully and completely placing my faith, my hope and my trust in my Instructor, my Best Friend, my Father and my God, who is the Lord Jesus Christ.

If you, like me are headed for the unknown, unable to see what the Lord is doing or where He is leading you, may I encourage you – take the leap. Enjoy the free fall. You won’t regret it. The great Instructor has your back. He knows exactly what He is doing and when the time is right, He will instruct you in what you should do. And who knows, He may even let you maneuver the parachute!

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

Neha and I getting ready to board the plane
All harnessed up
Heading to the door of the plane
1, 2, whoa!
Free Fall
Free Fall
The parachute is now open
Can you see me maneuvering the shoot?

Growing Pains

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Chaos, Future, LifeLeave a comment

“Wait! What???” “Why this?” “Why here?” “Why now?”.

These are often questions that we ask ourselves when things don’t necessarily go our way. When life ceases to make sense we wonder what happened. What went wrong? If there’s anyone who knows what that feels like, it’s me!

I have lived in India my whole life. I was comfortable, satisfied and deeply content with where I was and what I was doing. I had a good job, a loving family and dear friends. I had no reason to move – except, I had no peace! I knew that God was calling me out of my comfort zone. When I said yes to coming to America, I gave God an ultimatum (not my smartest of moves). I told Him I’d give him 2 years and that’s it! But the more I waited on Him, the more He made it evident that my time in America was longer than 2 years. As someone who is part of a close knit family, accepting this was by far the hardest thing I’ve had to do. Since the time I came to the United States in 2013 to pursue higher education, I have come to realize that God never called us to a life of comfort. I felt like I was uprooted from everything familiar, holding on hastily for even a remote sense of identity! I had no friends, no family, and no community. I knew that I was exactly where I was supposed to be but it didn’t feel that way at all. Until, I came to the point of realizing that my identity is in Christ. He is my friend. He is my family. He is my community. He IS enough! 

Through these 3 years in America I’ve learned that getting comfortable means settling. When we settle, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we can’t bear fruit. And we are definitely called to bear fruit. Jesus says in John 15:5a – ‘I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit.’

While each of us has heard this verse several times, I don’t think we realize that growing is PAINFUL! It means stretching beyond what we are comfortable with. It means using muscles we didn’t use before. I think there is wisdom in saying that as Christians, we are constantly exercising our faith! 

There is a song that most of us are familiar with – ‘Oceans’. The bridge is very powerful. It goes like this –

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I’ve felt like my time in America was just that – Through times of unemployment, literal homelessness – living out of my car, loneliness, sheer disappointment and complete constant uncertainty, my trust in the Lord was being continuously stretched beyond borders. When I was offered a full time position with Operation Christmas Child as a National Spokesperson, for the first time in 3 years I felt like I could rest – I could catch a break; I could settle down; I could just be.

However, that feeling was very short lived. I learned on May 18, 2016 that my visa to stay in the United States did not come through. By this time next month, I will have wrapped up my life in America and moved back to India, where once again I will be standing face to face with the same questions I asked when I came to America – “Wait! What???” “Why this?” “Why here?” “Why now?” I will once again stand on the thresholds of unemployment, loneliness, disappointment and complete uncertainty! But having been stretched beyond my comfort, I know that it is time for me to exercise my faith. This means I will need to grow deeper in the Lord and I know that growing is going to hurt. It is going to be painful. I also know without a shadow of doubt that this pain is going to be worth it! Because, ‘We know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.’ Romans 8:28.

Even though I don’t know what my future holds,
I know WHO holds my future.
And for now, that is enough.

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

I Can’t See ANYTHING!

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Life, UncertaintyLeave a comment

Today I began the heart wrenching process of packing. I’ve dreaded having to sort through my things – Things that I lovingly gathered over the past three years of my life. I took pictures of all that I needed to sell and made piles of the things I was giving away. With each item I set aside, I felt like I was tearing up a piece of my heart! I know that this is all just stuff. But this is MY stuff. Stuff that I thoughtfully put together to use in MY home! Never did I think that life in Blowing Rock would be so short lived.

I know that as I head out of America, I’m heading home. But it doesn’t seem like that. America, Boone and Blowing Rock seem more like home that India and Hyderabad. I feel bad saying that but I just fell in love with what I hoped was home. I truly hoped with all of my heart that with my employment at Samaritan’s Purse, my uncertainty would finally come to an end, my wait would finally cease and I could finally settle down without having to wonder where my life was headed. Never did I expect to get back to what seems like square one!

This isn’t the first time that I’m uprooting my life. I did it once before in 2013 when I left India for America. But as I packed my life into two suitcases and a carry-on, I knew where I was headed. Even though it was heartbreaking to leave my parents, sister, brother-in-law and darling niece and nephews, my heart was full of hope – not the “hope” we use as a synonym for may be but hope that is definite! When I said goodbye to my very comfortable life in India and got on to a plane to enter in to this whole new world called America, I knew without a shadow of doubt that I was in the center of God’s will. Even though I was entering a land where I would always be an alien, a foreigner, someone who would have to jump through bazillion different hoops simply to do things the legal way, I still knew that I was EXACTLY where God wanted me. I KNEW that my move was an act of obedience.

However today, as I once again uproot my life, I’m hopeful. But this time, it’s the kind of “hope” that we use as a synonym for may be, perhaps. I want to be filled with the hope that is definite but I’m just not. May be when I actually leave, it’ll begin to make sense. Right now, I simply don’t get it!

Please don’t get me wrong. I’m very excited about seeing my family and being home after a very long time. I’m thrilled that I’m going to be able to hang out with my teenage niece and dote over my extremely “macho” nephews who are as macho as a 10yr old and an 8yr old can be. I’m going to be able to chill with my mother and sister and not worry about exhausting my vacation. I’ll get to drive my scooter on the streets of Hyderabad, and I’ll get to eat mango that is extremely sweet. I’ll get to eat street food and bargain against fixed prices. Living in India comes with its perks.

But I’m freaked out! The thought of restarting my life all over again is scary! People ask me – “What are your plans for when you get to India?” And my answer – I have no idea! I don’t even have the “p” in “plan.” Even though I’m heading for India in less than a month, I still don’t feel like I’m being called there. My fear is that God is in fact calling me back but I’ve just become deaf to His voice. I mean, what kind of a daughter fails to hear her own Father’s voice? What exactly am I missing? This time as I uproot my life, I don’t know if I’m in the center of God’s will. I don’t know if I am exactly where the Lord wants me. I don’t know if I’m moving in an act of obedience. I don’t know ANYTHING! I can’t see ANYTHING! I’ve NEVER been so clueless in my life! I know that God knows exactly what He’s doing… I just wish I got a glimpse of it. I just wish I could see!

As I walk through this newfound darkness, I am reminded of the time my nephew Anand was a toddler. He was a feisty little independent tiny person. When we went outside, he’d refuse to hold my hand. I had to forcefully hold on to him but he would somehow wriggle out and keep walking ahead all on his own. The only time I felt his little hand clutch my finger, as if he were holding on for dear life, was when we were walking in darkness and he wanted to stay as close to me as possible. He just didn’t want to let go.

So today, I choose to become a toddler and hold on to my Father’s hand for dear life. Even though I feel blind and completely clueless, I will trust in the one Who created my inmost being and knew me from my mother’s womb. Even though I cannot see ANYTHING, I am choosing to trust in the Lord with all of my heart. I am choosing to lean not on my own understanding. In all my ways I’m choosing to trust Him and because of this, I am choosing to believe that He will make my path straight!

Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.

~ Micah 7:8b

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

If I Told You…

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Chaos, Future, Life2 Comments

Since the time people found out about my return to India, I have received a range of reactions. Some have encouraged me to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus and trust Him with this next phase. Others have felt sorry for me and felt even more pain than I myself have felt. Still others have told me how wonderful it was that I was going to be closer to my family and some others bombarded me with questions of how I will survive in my motherland – the country that raised me for 26yrs of my life and made me the woman that I am today. Some (bless their hearts) were downright mortified hearing my news.

This made me ask myself – What are people seeing in my story? What stands out to them? And I wondered – If there was anything that I wanted people to take away from my story, what would it be? What would I want them to focus on? Who would I want to shine through my story?

This song by Big Daddy Weave came to mind –

If I told you my story
You would hear Hope that wouldn’t let go
And if I told you my story
You would hear Love that never gave up
And if I told you my story
You would hear Life, but it wasn’t mine

If I told you my story
You would hear victory over the enemy
And if I told you my story
You would hear freedom that was won for me
And if I told you my story
You would hear Life overcome the grave

If I should speak then let it be
Of the grace that is greater than all my sin
Of when justice was served and where mercy wins

Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in
Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him

This is my story, this is my song
Praising my savior all the day long!

As I enter this new adventure that Jesus has very thoughtfully brought me to, I encourage you to not see the struggle, the pain, the confusion, the hurt, the disappointments or even the achievements I’ve had. Instead, my prayer is that you will see, very evidently, the loving Father, the victorious King and the great Comforter. To tell you my story, is to tell of Him!

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

Whoa! What Just Happened?

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Life4 Comments

Have you ever felt like the ground below your feet was suddenly pulled away? Like someone sucked the air out of your lungs and in an instant your whole life was topsy-turvy? Well that about sums up my past two days.

Yesterday I found out that my name did not get picked in the H1B lottery. This means that my application will not even be considered for a visa and I will need to leave the country soon. While I have no regrets in returning to my country, my motherland that made me the woman that I am, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed.

When I came to America in 2013 I thought I was going to come, study and leave. I never thought this would be a learning ground for me. The Lord made it clear that He had a plan for me here that went beyond just attending graduate school. He opened my eyes to new experiences that I wouldn’t have known if I didn’t come here. When I moved to Boone and began working with Samaritan’s Purse, I was convinced that God called me here. He went ahead of me and created a position for me. He gave Samaritan’s Purse the courage and strength to fight for me. I didn’t have a single shadow of doubt that I was exactly where I was supposed to be. The way things were falling in to place, I knew that I would get my visa. I mean, why wouldn’t I? If God brought me so far, He’d definitely see it through. Right?

So you can imagine my shock when I found out that my petition didn’t get picked in the lottery. I was completely caught off guard! While I still don’t feel like God’s calling me back to India, I no longer trust what I “feel.” All I know is that He’s shut the door to America. While processing through what happened, I couldn’t help but ask – What’s the point of all of this? What did I even achieve living in America?

Until, the Lord brought His goodness back to memory. Living in this nation taught me –

  1. What it means to be stripped of everything that is familiar to you and yet truly understand that through it all Jesus is enough!
  2. That neither my employer nor my paycheck is my provider. Only God is my provider.
  3. That waiting on the Lord is NEVER in vain.
  4. What it means to sit back and watch the Lord carve out a path for you.
  5. What it means to trust the Lord with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind and with all your strength EVEN when things don’t go your way.
  6. That even when it doesn’t feel like it, God is still faithful.

As I struggle to focus on God’s purpose in my life and in my situation, I know that He’s still sovereign. I have a million questions buzzing through my brain and I simply don’t understand. But with Jesus by my side, I don’t have to understand. Disappointed as I am, for now, knowing that God knows exactly what He’s doing, is enough for me. I will trust His wisdom.

God is good.
God is faithful.
God is sovereign.
God is bigger than the lottery.
God is bigger than my H1B.

God is bigger than my disappointment.

When You don’t move the mountains, I’m needing You to move;
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through;
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You – I will trust in You!

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

#disappointedbutnotdiscouraged

India my love, here I come!

A Still Small Voice

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Life, Uncertainty3 Comments

Have you ever felt as though the voices around you seem to contradict the very thing that you thought you knew for sure? Has it ever seemed like you tend to trust what other people say about your situation, more than what God does? I’ve felt that way these past couple of days.

As somebody who left a very comfortable job, a wonderful family, amazing friends, a nurturing church and doting niece and nephews, coming to the understanding that God’s plan for me was in America, and not in India, didn’t come easy. I cried out, “Help! I’m Desperate!” before I finally surrendered to Him.

After my Associate position with Samaritan’s Purse ended in January 2016, I was all set to book my tickets back to India. However, the Lord intervened and convinced me to trust Him and to trust the plans He had for me here in America. Finally casting all my cares on Him, I began serving Operation Christmas Child as a volunteer. The next four months opened my eyes to a deeper, much closer, stronger walk with Jesus. In early January this year God made it abundantly clear to me that I needed to stop looking over my shoulder at India and begin laying down roots here in America. When I wondered if that was God’s voice or my own, He spoke to me from John 10:3-4. I knew without a shadow of doubt that this was all God because I know my Shepherd! I recognize His voice.

Once I acknowledged the plan He made so evident to me, and trusted Him to fulfill it, I watched in amazement as He went ahead of me and created the path for me. For the first time in my life, I watched as the Lord fought every single battle for me, while I simply sat still. He moved mountains to ensure that Samaritan’s Purse submitted an H1B petition for me and that I would serve as a National Spokesperson for Operation Christmas Child!

Over these past few years of waiting and wondering where I’m headed, if there is one thing I have learned, it is that God always lead with His peace (Isaiah 55:12a). Even though I’ve been living in excruciating uncertainty, I’ve seen first hand what it means to be the daughter of the Prince of Peace! The perfect peace (Isaiah 25:3) that He’s poured on me is beyond comprehension!

On April 9, 2016 the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services completed the random computer generated lottery for H1B petitions. This means that I will hear about my visa situation any day now. While this is exciting, it’s also scary. This past Friday I began getting anxious – Not because I was worried, but because I hadn’t heard anything about my visa. Nothing! The more I researched on the H1B lottery, the more I read about people already having received notifications of whether or not they were picked for visa processing. Several schools of thought, including that of friends who’ve been through this process hinted at the chance of my petition not making the lottery. This would mean that I would go back to India. I spent all of Friday breaking my head over why I hadn’t heard anything yet. I spent all weekend listening to various different voices – friends, H1B discussion boards, H1B blogs, “Experts” on the process – telling me that because I hadn’t heard anything about the lottery result, it could mean that I didn’t get picked in the lottery. But in my heart, I know without a shadow of doubt that the Lord’s not calling me to India. So, how can this be?

And then, I heard a still small voice saying – “As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things” ~ Ecclesiastes 11:5

Now, I may be quoting that verse out of context but this I know with all my heart – I have a 0.31 chance of being picked in the lottery. If my future were left to “chance” I would be worried. Good thing that even though I do not know what the future holds, I know WHO holds my future and He knows EXACTLY what He is doing.

So, even though I haven’t heard about the status of my visa petition, I am choosing to believe that the God Who went ahead of me and created a path to bring me to America, keep me here for almost 3yrs, get me introduced to Samaritan’s Purse, cross my path with people who would fight for me tooth and nail till I had a full time position, get my H1B petition into the lottery, give me a fully furnished all utilities included house, GIFT me a CAR, is the same God Who will get me through the lottery.

The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. 

~ 1 Kings 19:11-13 

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

 

The Blessing of Uncertainty

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Life, Uncertainty3 Comments

This past week has been a lot of fun and a much needed break from my not-so-busy routine. If you know anything about me, you will know that I LOVE being busy. I love having stuff to do and I absolutely love being productive. However, since the time my Associate position with Samaritan’s Purse ended, I haven’t felt very productive. Sure my days are still full, sure I’m able to care for an adorable baby in the mornings and sure I’m able to volunteer in the afternoons, but it’s just not the same as having a full day of work. You know what I mean? So this past week has been a breath of fresh air for me, as I’ve been “working,” albeit in the capacity of a volunteer, from 8am till at least 10pm. It was tiring, exhausting and downright amazing!!! I had the privilege of being part of Operation Christmas Child’s Connect Conference and Full Circle Speaker training.

I’ve learned a lot over this past week. But one the biggest lessons I learned was the lesson of gratitude. My friend Izabella was sharing with us on one of the mornings about the importance of being thankful. As I was pondering on this, I began thinking about what I was truly grateful for. My answer took me by surprise! Without so much as a shadow of doubt, I realized that I was very grateful my “uncertainties.” Weird right?!!!

When I left India for America, I just thought I was moving countries. I never realized that I was exchanging a life of comfort and certainty, for a life that constantly and consistently made me step out of my comfort zone, and be soaked in the speculative, in the unknown! No matter which direction I turned in, I was faced with uncertainty and I hated it! I hated not knowing!

When I arrived in Lynchburg in 2013, my housing situation was not what I expected and I had no clue where I would live! When summer 2014 came I had no clue where I would be working! I desperately needed a job because not working was NOT an option. After summer, my housing situation changed again and I had no clue where I was going to live. Just before I graduated in 2015, I packed up all that I owned, and waited for the Lord to show me where He was leading me. I was so sure that I would have a job by the time I graduated. But did that happen? Nope! On June 1, I found myself without a job, without an income and without an apartment. So, I put everything I owned in a rental car and left Lynchburg. Where was I headed you ask? No idea!!! When I moved to Boone in September, I knew that my position would end in January 2016. I also knew that the Lord wasn’t leading me back to India. How would He keep me in America? I have no clue whatsoever!

Over these past two and a half years, God’s faithfulness has been more than evident in EVERY situation! When I moved to Lynchburg without having a place to stay, He opened the doors of a stranger’s home where I stayed for a week till I found roommates and moved into an apartment! In summer when not working was NOT an option, He opened the doors to an amazing internship in a phenomenal children’s ministry. I got to live with the most loving, kind and generous family that I’ve ever met. They’re close to my heart and I know that I’ll always have a home with them! Right after my summer internship, God opened the door for me to live in a home that I could make my own! He allowed me to create new, lifelong friendships. I spent quality time with my roommates! We laughed, we cried, we watched Hawaii Five-O together! Life was good! When it was time for me to leave Lynchburg after I graduated, He opened my cousin’s home in Miami where I had the chance to teach at a Community College. In a span of four months, I had the opportunity to live in four different states (Thank God for family who opened their homes to me without hesitation!!!). Even without a job and with no income, I never had to worry about having a roof over my head or about food on my plate. I never had to stretch out my hand in front of another, and I never had to deny myself anything that my heart desired. All of my needs have been met, and all of my wants have been fulfilled. Today, as I continue to “volunteer” with Operation Christmas Child, I still have a tank full of gas. My freezer is stuffed with food (I’m still wondering where all that food came from). I still bought that dress that I really, really, liked. I still traveled around to spend time with friends. I still have a savings account that has not been touched. Like I said, God’s faithfulness has been undeniable!!!

Today, as I continue to stand on the threshold of the great unknown, I still don’t know where I’m headed. I don’t know for sure that my position with Operation Christmas Child will work out. I don’t know for sure that my name will get picked out in the lottery and that I will get my H1B visa. I can honestly say that I have no idea what tomorrow holds. But you know what? That’s okay. Because, I know Who holds tomorrow, and I know Who holds my hand!!!

Amidst these plethora of  uncertainties, I’ve felt God’s sovereignty over my life in ways I have never experienced before. I’ve begun to see Him as a good, good Father! His goodness is not subject to my circumstances! I can honestly say that He and He alone is my strength, my courage, my joy and my provider! I am closer to the Lord today, than I’ve ever been in all my 29yrs of life! So go on, ask me what I’m grateful for. My resounding answer will always be, without a shadow of doubt – My uncertainties are my greatest blessings and for these, I am grateful!

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!