Tag: Overwhelmed

Bah-Humbug!

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Chaos, WorshipLeave a comment

If you know anything at all about me, you will know that I am a walking-talking Christmas cheerleader! I wait for Christmas all year long and as soon as November hits, much to the dismay of several people around me, I bring on the Christmas cheer. Christmas music, Christmas attire, planning the Christmas party… I even finish my Christmas shopping before anyone else. I remember when I was growing up, my mother, sister, me and some of our neighbors would spend our evenings making Christmas goodies. We’d spend the next morning distributing those very goodies to our teachers, friends, loved ones and even strangers. I’d go caroling late into the night with my youth group, heralding to the world the birth of our Savior. I’d spend every weekend participating in one Christmas program or another. I’d help my sister pack Christmas gifts for children in orphanages. I’d even leave random notes for my friends at work, bringing on the Christmas cheer.

When we spent Christmas at my uncle and aunt’s place, we’d stay up late nights decorating, munching on Christmas goodies, and chatting up a storm with my cousins. We’d re-live Christmases of the past, memories of childhood spent together, our hopes and dreams for the future… Christmas was so much more to me than just December 25th.

Until now.

This season marks 2yrs since I’ve been home for Christmas. I haven’t seen my sister since January 2014. I haven’t hugged my niece and my nephews and I haven’t hung out with my friends. I almost cringe at the thought of going to church because I get to sit by myself, while everyone else is sitting with his or her family or friends. During the regular part of the year, it doesn’t bother me because I know without a shadow of doubt that I am exactly where the Lord wants me. But during Christmas, when everyone talks about visiting his or her parents and siblings, it’s harder to see that. And definitely hearing Pere Como sing to me, “Oh there’s no place like home for the holidays,” surely does not make things easier. That said I am grateful for extended family and friends that the Lord has allowed me to spend this Christmas with. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss being home with my mother, father, sister, brother-in-law, niece and nephews. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care that my whole family will be together – uncle, aunt, cousins – while I’m in a land that’s easily about 8,508 miles from them. I’d be lying if I said that I was looking forward to Christmas.

I woke up this morning dreading the idea of going to church because I’d be reminded of what I don’t have here. I’m not the kind of person who generally complains. If something doesn’t work, I shrug it off and move on with life. Usually, I remind myself of all that the Lord has blessed me with – friends I can now call family, a town that feels like home and a job that I am passionate about. Finally frustrated by my attitude toward this season, I watched Christmas movie after Christmas movie to see if I could bring on the cheer, like it was a switch that I could simply turn on. Needless to say that didn’t really work.

Until, I reflected on the true meaning of Christmas. You see, Christmas is not about decorating your home, baking goodies, or buying gifts for loved ones. It’s not about family traditions, childhood memories, or even – forgive me as I say this – about friends and family. No! Christmas is about Christ, and Christ alone. It is a time when we are reminded of the immeasurable love that God has for you and me, that He would send His one and only son in to this broken world, not just to fix it, but to restore it to Himself. It is a reminder that He saw us when even we didn’t see ourselves. It’s the assurance that because Jesus came in to this world to give His life up for broken people like you and me, and then rose up from the dead, defeating death once and for all, no matter how hopeless the world around us can seem, we will always have hope in Him.

Christmas is truly about just one thing – Christmas is about Jesus Christ, and for that reason alone, I will celebrate!

Merry Christmas!

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

Back to Square One

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Chaos, Future, UncertaintyLeave a comment

One thing that I absolutely love about Samaritan’s Purse is the time of devotions we have in the morning. There is something unexplainably wonderful about soaking the start of your day in prayer and adoration of the One who is the very foundation of the organization, and truly, our lives itself. We start every morning with 15mins of devotion time, followed by another 15mins of praying for each other’s needs – sharing one another’s burdens if you will. Today was no exception.

The day began with a very special speaker. I’ve heard her speak twice to date and both times she made sure she hit the nail on the head! Today, she shared with us from the book of Isaiah, quoting chapter 6, verse 8, where Isaiah responds to a call and says, “Here I am. Send me.” She went on to expound on identifying the call that the Lord places in our lives and our God-instilled need to pursue that call. She challenged us to look beyond our need to create a sense of understanding and logic, to where God would use us next. She reminded us to shrug off our sense of security in the here and now, and keep our eyes firmly planted on the One who sees the bigger picture. If need be, we should get out of our comfort zone in obedience to what the Lord is asking of us to do.

For the most part this message challenged me. However, it also did an extremely good job of freaking me out. I had this overwhelming sense of uncertainty just pour over me. And just like that I was all too aware, that I was completely unaware about where I would be a little over a month from now. If you’ve read my previous blog posts, you would know that my position with Operation Christmas Child ends on January 26, 2016. That’s exactly 42 days from today. Compared to my previous times of waiting, I know for a fact that this time, I’ve done so much better. I have sought after the Lord, instead of seeking after my future. I gave Him first place in my life, and He gave me an unexplainable sense of peace. In this particular season of waiting, He truly became my anchor and my support system. But today, as the speaker challenged us to go wherever the Lord is calling us, I stopped to think about where God was calling me. And I realized, I had no clue – None whatsoever! I don’t know where I’m headed from here. I am convinced that the Lord is not calling me back to India… well, not yet at least. All I know, is that I love Jesus, and I adore children, and I will do whatever I am able, to bring them both together. Right now it means to share my story of receiving an Operation Christmas Child shoebox in India in 1999, and encouraging more and more people to pack shoeboxes as a tangible way of following Jesus’ heart of bringing children to Him. But what after that? I was back to square one!

I went back to my desk this morning with almost an overwhelming sense of dejection and – what’s the word I’m looking for – helplessness! As I sat down to start my day, I lay my head in my hands and finally shed a tear. You’d be amazed what crying a little can do for your soul. I lifted my voice in prayer, asking the Lord to help me never doubt His faithfulness in my life. He has never let me down to date. There is no reason why He’d start now. I asked for faith to look beyond my limited vision. I wiped my tears, put my earphones in and began working.

Then, I heard Chris Tomlin sing sweetly into my ears – “You’re a good, good Father, it’s who You are. I am loved by You. It’s who I am. You are perfect in all of Your ways to us.” As I hummed along, I was reminded all over again that God is my Father, He has nothing short of the best in store for me. Even in times of uncertainty, especially in times of uncertainty, His goodness is undeniable. And for now, resting in that understanding is more than enough for me.

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

The King’s Heart

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Uncategorized, UncertaintyLeave a comment

In one of my previous blog posts, I told you about the journey that brought me to Samaritan’s Purse’s Operation Christmas Child. If you haven’t read that one yet, stop reading and click here. Have you read that yet? Okay, now that you are completely updated with my life, you may continue reading.

January 26, 2016 will mark the last day of my position as a Media Relations Associate (yes, that is in fact, less than two months away). I have loved everything I’ve done in this role and I adore the people in my department. Each of them stands tall, radiating the love of Jesus and that just reminds me of how blessed I am to be a part of this team. With that being said, I have been praying earnestly about where the Lord would have me after I graduate from this role. I’ve already told you that God’s not calling me to India. Not yet at least. But the fun part is, I don’t know where He is calling me to. So yay! With Jesus, life is always an adventure. I don’t know anyone else who can make uncertainty, something to look forward to – It’s like a surprise party EVERY TIME! (Notice how I transitioned from fearful to fearless?!!!)

All that to say, I have been job-hunting again. We all know how exciting an ordeal that is *rolling eyes*! However, for a “non-resident alien” such as myself and every other international person living in the United States, job hunting is so much more than just finding a job. We have to get very specific in the kind of positions we apply to because of our visa restrictions. Basically, when an employer hires an international, they have to prove to the government that that particular position cannot be filled by an American citizen because it calls for a very specific skillset which only an international has. Now, if you know me, you know that there isn’t anything extraordinary about me. I don’t mean that in a self-deprecating way but in an I-know-my-limits kind of way. With that sense of self-awareness, I prayed that the Lord would show me what I can bring to the table that an American cannot. I soon realized that the only thing I can bring, is my Indian heritage. So, I laid that before the Lord and asked Him how I can use my ethnicity for His glory.

Fast-forward two weeks after I made that prayer. I was looking for jobs and found one that was aimed at South-Asia, the very part of the world that I am from. Super excited I read through the position and found out it was at least four levels up on the corporate ladder than the position I was currently in. No way would I ever qualify for that! Disheartened I closed the webpage and got on with my work. However, for the life of me I couldn’t think past that position. I almost felt it was an answer to the prayer I made offering my heritage and ethnicity to the Lord. Other than the fact that that position was so high up, I was perfect for it. I soaked it in prayer not quite sure what to ask for and what response to expect. I decided I was going to talk about applying to that position, with the person to whom that position reports. After a very healthy conversation, this person suggested I speak to the others in the department who work in similar roles so I can learn a little about what that position entails. So, that’s exactly what I did.

I arranged to meet with each of these people over lunch. I started with Mr. A. As he shared his experiences and challenges with me, I felt this overwhelming sense of unworthiness. I saw how small I was for the job. I thought of a bajillion reasons why I shouldn’t be doing it. The feeling of smallness was overbearing. I was giving God reasons why He should find someone else for that position. At the very end of the conversation, Mr. A asked me why I was having this conversation (I hadn’t mentioned anything about the job to him or to anyone else that I spoke to). I gave him an honest response and then added that while I would absolutely LOVE working in that position, I felt small and inadequate. I told him that the Lord needed to find someone else. He just looked at me and said, “Who are you to decide that?” He then pointed me to one of the greatest kings in history – King David – The youngest of Jesse’s sons. He was also the smallest. In his own strength, David was completely incapable of being a king. So much so, that the prophet Samuel found it hard to believe that God would choose someone as insignificant as David. Mr. A smiled at me and said, “It is not your job to wonder if you will get this position or not. Your job is only to be available should the Lord choose you for it. If God wants you to fill the position, He will work in the heart of the leadership. You only need to be still.”

I went home that day and thought about what Mr. A said. I needed to hear that because whether I acknowledge it or not, I was putting God in a box and dictating what He can and cannot do for me. As His child, someone who truly believes that He can do anything… the very impossible thing even, I should aim high. I should seek after dreams that I can never fulfill on my own. After all, is anything too hard for the Lord?

I learned that day that the king’s heart is in the Lord’s hand (Proverbs 21:1). And for me, that should be the only thing that matters. Whether I get the position or not is not the question here. The question here is – Am I willing to let the Lord work in my life? Am I willing to ask Him for what seems like the impossible and truly believe that He is able to do it? Am I willing to aim high, reach for the stars and seek after that which I cannot accomplish on my own? Or, am I living a life that is limited by my idea of skills and abilities?

Although it is not always easy, I now truly believe that the king’s heart is in the Lord’s hand. Do you?

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

What’s in a name? EVERYTHING!

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Uncertainty, WorshipLeave a comment

You know that person who is always so happy you want to punch them in the face? On most days, I am that person. I love how happy I am. I truly believe that I can be joyous in most circumstances. Until, I end up doing something stupid! I’m sure this happens to you too. The day is fantastic and then one small thing happens, and your day is ruined! Well, that was my yesterday. My day was going on really well. I was annoyingly happy. I was singing. I had a skip to my heel… and then, I made a mistake. A mistake that pretty much wiped out all the work I had done the entire week. One mistake. That was all it took for me to look at myself in the mirror and say, “You idiot!” I was calling myself names.

According to the dictionary, a “name” is a word or a combination of words by which a person, place, or thing, or any object of thought is designated, called, or known. Your name is what you call yourself. It is your identity!

I was reading through the book of Psalms and I loved how David poured out his heart to the Lord. In doing so, he identified very distinct characteristics of God’s infinite persona. In Psalm 18:2, David refers to the Lord as a “rock,” “fortress,” “deliverer,” “shield,” and “stronghold.” When he was fleeing from Saul/Absalom, David took refuge in God and in His protection. So it is obvious why he called God the names that he did.

This made me think of how we identify ourselves. Sure I have a name. Rachel. It’s beautiful and I love it. But then I thought about all of the other names I call myself – Strong, independent, ugly, selfish, fat, lazy, idiot…!!! Most times, when I call myself those names, I truly believe that’s who I am. In that moment, that is my identity. Yesterday, when I called myself an idiot, in that moment, I truly believed that I was “an utterly foolish or senseless person.”

Take a moment now and think about all the names we associate with ourselves, with our families, our friends and with strangers. We say, “alcoholic,” “addict,” “gay,” “straight,” “divorcee,” “widow,” “monster,” “murderer,” “liar,” “cheat,” … the list can go on. But may I suggest that our identity does not really rest in any of our shortcomings? It rests in the finished work of the cross. In thinking about what we often call ourselves, may I point out to you what Jesus calls us? John 1:12 says that, “to them that receive Him, He has given them the right be CALLED children of God.” In John 15:15 Jesus CALLS us His friends.

In saying this I am not discounting our failings and shortcomings. I am convinced that Jesus loves us too much to leave us the way He found us. What I am saying is – All have sinned and have come short of God’s glory – Each and every one of us. But if Jesus doesn’t identify us by our sin, then why should we?

If you are trying to figure out who you are… who you truly are, may I encourage you to look to Jesus because He calls you His “treasured possession” (Deuteronomy 7:6).

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

Overwhelmed Much?

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Chaos, Uncertainty, WorshipLeave a comment

Recently I committed to reading the Bible cover to cover. Wait, let me rephrase that. I recently committed to STUDYING the Bible from cover to cover. The difference between the two words makes a world of a difference! So far, I have been able to read from Genesis through Nehemiah. I am currently reading the book of Job.

Funny story – I was sitting by Bass lake earlier today, reading my Bible. An elderly lady walked past me and asked if I was reading my Bible. When I responded yes, she wanted to know what book I was reading and I told her. She smiled at me and asked me if the reason I was reading it was because I was having troubles. Lol!

It is unfortunate isn’t it that we associate the book of Job with the troubles he went through, his whining, annoying friends…? I know that the book has a happy ending, as I believe every story should. But what caught my attention isn’t the ending. It is the beginning. Let me explain.

If you know the story of Job at all, you will remember that God permits Satan to try Job because God was confident that he would not turn his back on Him. Job was living a happy and content life. But before he knew it, BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! Four catastrophes occurred, one after another.

  1. The Sabeans attacked and took all the oxen and the donkeys.

  2. Lightening struck all of his sheep.

  3. The Chaldeans made a raid and stole all the camels.

  4. ALL of Job’s children died – Not one, not two… ALL of them! 

Let’s take a moment and think about this. The Bible says that each of these incidents were reported to Job by a servant… the one servant that survived each of these catastrophes. That said, I encourage you to read the passage for yourself (Job 1: 13-22) and take into consideration the words the writer of this book uses to indicate how the servants brought these reports to Job. The Bible says, “While he was still speaking…” These words precede every incident. In other words, before Job even had the time to process one tragedy, another struck. Before he could come to terms with one loss, another hit. Talk about beating the wind out of someone!

His response to this overwhelming heart ache? He fell to the ground and WORSHIPPED! (Job 1:20)

I don’t know what it is that you are feeling overwhelmed about. May be you’ve received information that is life changing? Perhaps you are apprehensive about the future? Could it be that your present makes no sense? Or, you’ve lost a dear one? May be you just found out that you have a huge payment to make and you are completely broke? May I be so bold as to say – Regardless of your situation, would you like Job consider bowing down in worship?

Worshipping God in times of testing isn’t the most easiest of things to do. It probably will not solve your problems. However, bowing down in worship will give you the strength, the courage and the peace you need to catch a breath and humble yourself before the Lord, reminding yourself of who truly is in control. Worship is our way of stepping back and letting God bring order in to our chaos!

I doubt any of us is as overwhelmed as Job was. So, despite what he was going through, if he could fall down in worship, so can we!

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!