Tag: Wait

She Slept Through Chemo: The Prayer I May Never Have Prayed

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, UncertaintyLeave a comment

Recently, a few of us went over to our friend’s house to pray over her as she prepared for her second round of chemotherapy. My friend has stage four cancer — if you think of her, please take a moment to pray for her. There were six of us, each laying hands on her and taking turns to lift her up in prayer.

When it was my turn to pray, I remembered that the previous night, because of the steroids she was on, my friend had barely slept an hour. So along with praying that the chemo would do its work in her body, I asked the Lord to bless her with sleep as she sat in her chair receiving treatment. We blessed the Lord. We blessed our friend. Then off she went.

Later that evening, my friend texted me. She wrote:

“Also not gonna lie, when you prayed that I would be able to sleep during chemo, I thought you were a liiiittle bit crazy — but I actually did! Even with the steroids, the freezing pain, and the general discomfort, I actually fell asleep!!!! Thank you!!!!!”

I read her message a few dozen times, overwhelmed that God — the King of the universe, the King of kings and Lord of lords — heard my simple, almost naïve prayer for sleep.

You see, I had no idea what chemotherapy entailed. I didn’t know how uncomfortable it was. I didn’t know that the cold cap for her head and the frozen mittens for her hands and feet would cause her pain. A part of me wondered if I had been insensitive to pray that she might sleep through such discomfort.

But another part of me was deeply grateful — grateful that I didn’t know. Grateful that I didn’t understand. Because had I known, had I done my research and sought clarity, I probably wouldn’t have prayed for sleep. I would’ve thought it unreasonable — as if God didn’t care about the small, simple things, the desires of our hearts, however silly or “liiiittle bit crazy” they might seem.

And it made me wonder: is this why God doesn’t always let us see the full picture of our situations or our lives? Could clarity sometimes be a hindrance to faith?

What if clarity would cause us to pray only “reasonable” prayers — as though we do not serve a God who does the impossible? What if the unknown, the unclear, the uncertain, and the waiting are actually good — designed to build our faith, to keep us trusting and leaning on the Lord?

What if they teach us to pray boldly, to ask freely and without hesitation, like a child speaking to their Father?

What if the pursuit of certainty is redundant when our calling is to live by faith, not by sight?

And what if trusting the Lord with all our hearts — without leaning on our own understanding — also frees us from needing to understand at all?

Perhaps that’s not such a bad thing when the King Himself is in control.

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

What Should I “DO”?

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Chaos, Future, Life2 Comments

Today marks exactly four months since my unexpected return to India. Some days I feel like I never left. On other days, I cannot believe that I am back. Not that being back is bad. It’s just … How do I put it? … It’s weird. I wish I could explain it better but all my friends who lived in a foreign country and came back to their motherland will know what I mean. Let’s just say that reverse culture shock is a real thing. Getting readjusted to life in India is a challenge. Unfortunately not everyone understands that. People never fail to remind you that you have only been away for three years and that India is where you were born and raised. Trust me, I know that. I realize that and I am NOT trying to stand out or have a chip on my shoulder. Au contraire mon amie, all I really want more than anything is to get back to living in India – I have zero intention of keeping my heart in America and my feet here.

Other than going bonkers over the constant honking and the sudden overwhelming realization that we Indians are LOUD, it’s been good to be back – For the most part that is. It’s been wonderful to be back with family and have the freedom to go see my niece and nephews whenever I want. The first month and half was great. My only goal in life was to chill and enjoy just being here, not worrying too much about what the future holds. But after those 45 days went by, the four dreaded words came out of every single person I passed by – “So, what’s your plan?” On the surface I smile and tell them that I am taking one day at a time and seeking the Lord to show me the next steps. But on the inside, I’m screaming, pulling my hair apart, wishing with all my heart that I knew the answer to that painful question.

Some of you know that I have been working with Operation Christmas Child International as an International Field Representative (IFR). This requires me to travel quite a bit and observe distribution events, which I ABSOLUTELY love! I get to watch first hand the joy that the effort and love of you wonderful shoebox packers make on the lives of little children. If I tell you some of the stories I’ve witnessed, you’ll need a box of tissues – I kid you not. But the position of an IFR is neither full time nor permanent. While I thoroughly enjoy what I do, I once again wonder, “What next?” The more I pray about it, the more I know that the Lord hasn’t released me from OCC yet. I’m still completely sold out to the power of a simple shoebox gift. However, the most difficult part of being back in India and being with OCC is that because I travel a lot, I am unable to build any community. I know it seems weird since I’ve lived my whole life in India. Truth be told, time and distance make a big difference in friendships and community. From the time I have returned, I’ve been begging the Lord for a community. I’m constantly surrounded by this overwhelming feeling of standing with suitcases in my hand and being completely incapable of putting them down and just resting. I’m convinced that, for reasons only He knows, the Lord is intentionally keeping me from building community, laying down roots or investing in relationships.

The other day, while in Delhi on OCC work, I sat in my hotel room praying about where my life was headed. Somehow I ended up watching a video about people being in the pit from time to time. Now I’m not quite sure what happened but all I remember from that evening is that I just burst in to tears. I cried like I hadn’t in years! Once I was done, I felt like this burden lifted from my shoulders. I feel so much better. While crying my heart out to the Lord, I caught myself saying these words – “What do You want me to do Lord? Please tell me. What should I do?” And I realized, the Lord is already working in the background. He doesn’t want me to be “Doing” anything. He just wants me to BE. For a doer like me, that was hard to accept. But it explains why I’ve been so frustrated. While I want to “Do” He just wants me to “Be.” I’ll be honest – I’m still trying to figure out how to do this but at least I now know where my lesson lies. I trust the Lord with all of my heart and I know that His reasons for keeping me waiting will in time be well worth it.

So until the Lord thinks I am ready to see the manifestation of His plans for me, I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

 

Enjoy the Free Fall

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Life, UncertaintyLeave a comment

In four days I will be leaving Boone for good, and in ten days I will be bidding America adieu. While I know without a shadow of doubt that I am, at this very moment, in the center of God’s will, for the first time in my life, I have no plan. I have NEVER, not had a plan. But this time, as I watched the Lord shut the door to staying in America, I decided I wanted to enjoy every single minute that I spend here before I leave this country that I have grown to love. Because of this, I have consciously chosen not to think or plan about life in India, until I actually leave American soil and land on Indian ground. When I get to India, I know that the Lord will reveal to me what He wants me to do there. After all, He is the one taking me there.

So, as part of my intentional, “Enjoy America while you can” attitude, I decided that I was going to check at least one thing off of my bucket list. On June 6, 2016, I signed several accident and death waivers, strapped myself to a harness and jumped off a plane at a height of 10,000 feet. Yes, I went Skydiving! It was the most phenomenal experience I’ve ever had. I would do it again in a heartbeat and I highly recommend that everyone do it at least once in his or her lifetime! I know I say this now that my feet have safely grounded themselves on land. But, I have to admit, when I drove up to the Skydiving center in DC, I was nervous. I wasn’t going to back out of it of course but I kept wondering what possessed me to give in to this insanity. As I sat through the instructions of what was expected of me when I jump off the plane, I thought to myself, “This instructor is nuts if he thinks I’m going to remember all of that when my heart is lodged tightly in my throat.” Thankfully, he ended the training by reminding us that we will be strapped to an instructor who knows exactly what he is doing.

As my instructor strapped on my harness, he reminded me that he had over 7,000 jumps under his belt and that because he was in charge, I had nothing to worry about. He said that when we get on the plane, he would strap himself on to me and would instruct me every step of the way, at the right time – Not too soon. Not too late. So, placing my trust and literally my entire life in the hands of this complete stranger, I got on to the tiny jet with about nine other people. While we were on the plane, my instructor began working on strapping my harness on to his own. I hadn’t a clue of what he was doing and honestly, even if he explained it to me, I’d probably not understand. All I knew was that he was tugging at the various straps on my harness and constantly giving me instructions – stand up, sit down, move to the front, lean back, bend to the side… I had no idea why he was asking me to do these but I obeyed implicitly. I didn’t question him because I knew that he was my instructor. He knew what he was doing.

Finally, it came time for us to slide to the door of the plane. As he gave me final instructions, he reminded me that he knew exactly what he was doing and that all that was required of me was to simply follow his instructions as and when he gave them. With a quick “1, 2, whoa!” my instructor pushed us out of the 10,000 ft high plane and we began the downward spiral to the ground. As I felt the rush of the free fall, I couldn’t believe what I had done. I could see the Blue Ridge Mountains to my left, the glorious sky around me, the white cotton-ball-like clouds above me and the hard ground below me. As we were falling, my instructor tapped on my shoulder and instructed me to arch my back and raise my hands and legs to enjoy the free fall. And you know what? As I paid heed to his instruction, I did just that – I enjoyed the free fall. I didn’t care that I didn’t know my instructor’s plan. I didn’t care that I could splat on the ground very hard and very fast. I didn’t care that I was at the mercy of the wind swaying me in every possible direction. I didn’t care that my parachute wasn’t open. Heck I didn’t even know where the parachute was. I just knew that my instructor knew when to open the parachute and as long as he knew when to open it, I was fine. After an amazing 60secs free fall, my instructor pulled the parachute open and the pressure of the winds pulled us high up into the sky. While gliding through the sky, I once again felt my instructor tugging at my harness. Let me repeat myself here – My instructor and I were in mid air and he was working on my harness! One wrong move and I could easily get detached from him, fall to the ground and die! But I wasn’t scared. I completely trusted him. I trusted that he knew exactly what he was doing. He loosened the harness to make me more comfortable and eventually allowed me to even maneuver the parachute. Soon, he gave me instructions on landing and before I knew it, my butt gently grazed through the grass and I was back on the ground.

As my skydiving experience came to end, I realized that I did more than check something off my bucket list… I had learned a very practical and powerful lesson on faith and trust. Today I stand on the threshold of a very uncertain future. I can feel my Lord, the great Instructor working behind the scenes and I know without a shadow of doubt that He knows exactly what He is doing. I don’t see it. In fact, I don’t see anything. I don’t hear Him give me any instructions right now. But I know that I as I sit in that plane and head back to India, at just the right time, He will give me tell me what to do. At just the right time, He will reveal His plans. Until then, I choose to take comfort in the fact that I am tightly harnessed to the Lord. He has got my back. He’s holding me. He knows where the parachute is at and He knows when to open it. He knows how to maneuver it. He knows exactly what He is doing. And because of this, as I take this leap of faith into the next chapter of my life, I choose to enjoy the free fall… the rush that comes in fully and completely placing my faith, my hope and my trust in my Instructor, my Best Friend, my Father and my God, who is the Lord Jesus Christ.

If you, like me are headed for the unknown, unable to see what the Lord is doing or where He is leading you, may I encourage you – take the leap. Enjoy the free fall. You won’t regret it. The great Instructor has your back. He knows exactly what He is doing and when the time is right, He will instruct you in what you should do. And who knows, He may even let you maneuver the parachute!

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

Neha and I getting ready to board the plane
All harnessed up
Heading to the door of the plane
1, 2, whoa!
Free Fall
Free Fall
The parachute is now open
Can you see me maneuvering the shoot?

Growing Pains

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Chaos, Future, LifeLeave a comment

“Wait! What???” “Why this?” “Why here?” “Why now?”.

These are often questions that we ask ourselves when things don’t necessarily go our way. When life ceases to make sense we wonder what happened. What went wrong? If there’s anyone who knows what that feels like, it’s me!

I have lived in India my whole life. I was comfortable, satisfied and deeply content with where I was and what I was doing. I had a good job, a loving family and dear friends. I had no reason to move – except, I had no peace! I knew that God was calling me out of my comfort zone. When I said yes to coming to America, I gave God an ultimatum (not my smartest of moves). I told Him I’d give him 2 years and that’s it! But the more I waited on Him, the more He made it evident that my time in America was longer than 2 years. As someone who is part of a close knit family, accepting this was by far the hardest thing I’ve had to do. Since the time I came to the United States in 2013 to pursue higher education, I have come to realize that God never called us to a life of comfort. I felt like I was uprooted from everything familiar, holding on hastily for even a remote sense of identity! I had no friends, no family, and no community. I knew that I was exactly where I was supposed to be but it didn’t feel that way at all. Until, I came to the point of realizing that my identity is in Christ. He is my friend. He is my family. He is my community. He IS enough! 

Through these 3 years in America I’ve learned that getting comfortable means settling. When we settle, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we can’t bear fruit. And we are definitely called to bear fruit. Jesus says in John 15:5a – ‘I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit.’

While each of us has heard this verse several times, I don’t think we realize that growing is PAINFUL! It means stretching beyond what we are comfortable with. It means using muscles we didn’t use before. I think there is wisdom in saying that as Christians, we are constantly exercising our faith! 

There is a song that most of us are familiar with – ‘Oceans’. The bridge is very powerful. It goes like this –

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I’ve felt like my time in America was just that – Through times of unemployment, literal homelessness – living out of my car, loneliness, sheer disappointment and complete constant uncertainty, my trust in the Lord was being continuously stretched beyond borders. When I was offered a full time position with Operation Christmas Child as a National Spokesperson, for the first time in 3 years I felt like I could rest – I could catch a break; I could settle down; I could just be.

However, that feeling was very short lived. I learned on May 18, 2016 that my visa to stay in the United States did not come through. By this time next month, I will have wrapped up my life in America and moved back to India, where once again I will be standing face to face with the same questions I asked when I came to America – “Wait! What???” “Why this?” “Why here?” “Why now?” I will once again stand on the thresholds of unemployment, loneliness, disappointment and complete uncertainty! But having been stretched beyond my comfort, I know that it is time for me to exercise my faith. This means I will need to grow deeper in the Lord and I know that growing is going to hurt. It is going to be painful. I also know without a shadow of doubt that this pain is going to be worth it! Because, ‘We know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.’ Romans 8:28.

Even though I don’t know what my future holds,
I know WHO holds my future.
And for now, that is enough.

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

I Can’t See ANYTHING!

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Life, UncertaintyLeave a comment

Today I began the heart wrenching process of packing. I’ve dreaded having to sort through my things – Things that I lovingly gathered over the past three years of my life. I took pictures of all that I needed to sell and made piles of the things I was giving away. With each item I set aside, I felt like I was tearing up a piece of my heart! I know that this is all just stuff. But this is MY stuff. Stuff that I thoughtfully put together to use in MY home! Never did I think that life in Blowing Rock would be so short lived.

I know that as I head out of America, I’m heading home. But it doesn’t seem like that. America, Boone and Blowing Rock seem more like home that India and Hyderabad. I feel bad saying that but I just fell in love with what I hoped was home. I truly hoped with all of my heart that with my employment at Samaritan’s Purse, my uncertainty would finally come to an end, my wait would finally cease and I could finally settle down without having to wonder where my life was headed. Never did I expect to get back to what seems like square one!

This isn’t the first time that I’m uprooting my life. I did it once before in 2013 when I left India for America. But as I packed my life into two suitcases and a carry-on, I knew where I was headed. Even though it was heartbreaking to leave my parents, sister, brother-in-law and darling niece and nephews, my heart was full of hope – not the “hope” we use as a synonym for may be but hope that is definite! When I said goodbye to my very comfortable life in India and got on to a plane to enter in to this whole new world called America, I knew without a shadow of doubt that I was in the center of God’s will. Even though I was entering a land where I would always be an alien, a foreigner, someone who would have to jump through bazillion different hoops simply to do things the legal way, I still knew that I was EXACTLY where God wanted me. I KNEW that my move was an act of obedience.

However today, as I once again uproot my life, I’m hopeful. But this time, it’s the kind of “hope” that we use as a synonym for may be, perhaps. I want to be filled with the hope that is definite but I’m just not. May be when I actually leave, it’ll begin to make sense. Right now, I simply don’t get it!

Please don’t get me wrong. I’m very excited about seeing my family and being home after a very long time. I’m thrilled that I’m going to be able to hang out with my teenage niece and dote over my extremely “macho” nephews who are as macho as a 10yr old and an 8yr old can be. I’m going to be able to chill with my mother and sister and not worry about exhausting my vacation. I’ll get to drive my scooter on the streets of Hyderabad, and I’ll get to eat mango that is extremely sweet. I’ll get to eat street food and bargain against fixed prices. Living in India comes with its perks.

But I’m freaked out! The thought of restarting my life all over again is scary! People ask me – “What are your plans for when you get to India?” And my answer – I have no idea! I don’t even have the “p” in “plan.” Even though I’m heading for India in less than a month, I still don’t feel like I’m being called there. My fear is that God is in fact calling me back but I’ve just become deaf to His voice. I mean, what kind of a daughter fails to hear her own Father’s voice? What exactly am I missing? This time as I uproot my life, I don’t know if I’m in the center of God’s will. I don’t know if I am exactly where the Lord wants me. I don’t know if I’m moving in an act of obedience. I don’t know ANYTHING! I can’t see ANYTHING! I’ve NEVER been so clueless in my life! I know that God knows exactly what He’s doing… I just wish I got a glimpse of it. I just wish I could see!

As I walk through this newfound darkness, I am reminded of the time my nephew Anand was a toddler. He was a feisty little independent tiny person. When we went outside, he’d refuse to hold my hand. I had to forcefully hold on to him but he would somehow wriggle out and keep walking ahead all on his own. The only time I felt his little hand clutch my finger, as if he were holding on for dear life, was when we were walking in darkness and he wanted to stay as close to me as possible. He just didn’t want to let go.

So today, I choose to become a toddler and hold on to my Father’s hand for dear life. Even though I feel blind and completely clueless, I will trust in the one Who created my inmost being and knew me from my mother’s womb. Even though I cannot see ANYTHING, I am choosing to trust in the Lord with all of my heart. I am choosing to lean not on my own understanding. In all my ways I’m choosing to trust Him and because of this, I am choosing to believe that He will make my path straight!

Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.

~ Micah 7:8b

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

Whoa! What Just Happened?

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Life4 Comments

Have you ever felt like the ground below your feet was suddenly pulled away? Like someone sucked the air out of your lungs and in an instant your whole life was topsy-turvy? Well that about sums up my past two days.

Yesterday I found out that my name did not get picked in the H1B lottery. This means that my application will not even be considered for a visa and I will need to leave the country soon. While I have no regrets in returning to my country, my motherland that made me the woman that I am, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed.

When I came to America in 2013 I thought I was going to come, study and leave. I never thought this would be a learning ground for me. The Lord made it clear that He had a plan for me here that went beyond just attending graduate school. He opened my eyes to new experiences that I wouldn’t have known if I didn’t come here. When I moved to Boone and began working with Samaritan’s Purse, I was convinced that God called me here. He went ahead of me and created a position for me. He gave Samaritan’s Purse the courage and strength to fight for me. I didn’t have a single shadow of doubt that I was exactly where I was supposed to be. The way things were falling in to place, I knew that I would get my visa. I mean, why wouldn’t I? If God brought me so far, He’d definitely see it through. Right?

So you can imagine my shock when I found out that my petition didn’t get picked in the lottery. I was completely caught off guard! While I still don’t feel like God’s calling me back to India, I no longer trust what I “feel.” All I know is that He’s shut the door to America. While processing through what happened, I couldn’t help but ask – What’s the point of all of this? What did I even achieve living in America?

Until, the Lord brought His goodness back to memory. Living in this nation taught me –

  1. What it means to be stripped of everything that is familiar to you and yet truly understand that through it all Jesus is enough!
  2. That neither my employer nor my paycheck is my provider. Only God is my provider.
  3. That waiting on the Lord is NEVER in vain.
  4. What it means to sit back and watch the Lord carve out a path for you.
  5. What it means to trust the Lord with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind and with all your strength EVEN when things don’t go your way.
  6. That even when it doesn’t feel like it, God is still faithful.

As I struggle to focus on God’s purpose in my life and in my situation, I know that He’s still sovereign. I have a million questions buzzing through my brain and I simply don’t understand. But with Jesus by my side, I don’t have to understand. Disappointed as I am, for now, knowing that God knows exactly what He’s doing, is enough for me. I will trust His wisdom.

God is good.
God is faithful.
God is sovereign.
God is bigger than the lottery.
God is bigger than my H1B.

God is bigger than my disappointment.

When You don’t move the mountains, I’m needing You to move;
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through;
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You – I will trust in You!

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

#disappointedbutnotdiscouraged

India my love, here I come!

A Still Small Voice

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Life, Uncertainty3 Comments

Have you ever felt as though the voices around you seem to contradict the very thing that you thought you knew for sure? Has it ever seemed like you tend to trust what other people say about your situation, more than what God does? I’ve felt that way these past couple of days.

As somebody who left a very comfortable job, a wonderful family, amazing friends, a nurturing church and doting niece and nephews, coming to the understanding that God’s plan for me was in America, and not in India, didn’t come easy. I cried out, “Help! I’m Desperate!” before I finally surrendered to Him.

After my Associate position with Samaritan’s Purse ended in January 2016, I was all set to book my tickets back to India. However, the Lord intervened and convinced me to trust Him and to trust the plans He had for me here in America. Finally casting all my cares on Him, I began serving Operation Christmas Child as a volunteer. The next four months opened my eyes to a deeper, much closer, stronger walk with Jesus. In early January this year God made it abundantly clear to me that I needed to stop looking over my shoulder at India and begin laying down roots here in America. When I wondered if that was God’s voice or my own, He spoke to me from John 10:3-4. I knew without a shadow of doubt that this was all God because I know my Shepherd! I recognize His voice.

Once I acknowledged the plan He made so evident to me, and trusted Him to fulfill it, I watched in amazement as He went ahead of me and created the path for me. For the first time in my life, I watched as the Lord fought every single battle for me, while I simply sat still. He moved mountains to ensure that Samaritan’s Purse submitted an H1B petition for me and that I would serve as a National Spokesperson for Operation Christmas Child!

Over these past few years of waiting and wondering where I’m headed, if there is one thing I have learned, it is that God always lead with His peace (Isaiah 55:12a). Even though I’ve been living in excruciating uncertainty, I’ve seen first hand what it means to be the daughter of the Prince of Peace! The perfect peace (Isaiah 25:3) that He’s poured on me is beyond comprehension!

On April 9, 2016 the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services completed the random computer generated lottery for H1B petitions. This means that I will hear about my visa situation any day now. While this is exciting, it’s also scary. This past Friday I began getting anxious – Not because I was worried, but because I hadn’t heard anything about my visa. Nothing! The more I researched on the H1B lottery, the more I read about people already having received notifications of whether or not they were picked for visa processing. Several schools of thought, including that of friends who’ve been through this process hinted at the chance of my petition not making the lottery. This would mean that I would go back to India. I spent all of Friday breaking my head over why I hadn’t heard anything yet. I spent all weekend listening to various different voices – friends, H1B discussion boards, H1B blogs, “Experts” on the process – telling me that because I hadn’t heard anything about the lottery result, it could mean that I didn’t get picked in the lottery. But in my heart, I know without a shadow of doubt that the Lord’s not calling me to India. So, how can this be?

And then, I heard a still small voice saying – “As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things” ~ Ecclesiastes 11:5

Now, I may be quoting that verse out of context but this I know with all my heart – I have a 0.31 chance of being picked in the lottery. If my future were left to “chance” I would be worried. Good thing that even though I do not know what the future holds, I know WHO holds my future and He knows EXACTLY what He is doing.

So, even though I haven’t heard about the status of my visa petition, I am choosing to believe that the God Who went ahead of me and created a path to bring me to America, keep me here for almost 3yrs, get me introduced to Samaritan’s Purse, cross my path with people who would fight for me tooth and nail till I had a full time position, get my H1B petition into the lottery, give me a fully furnished all utilities included house, GIFT me a CAR, is the same God Who will get me through the lottery.

The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. 

~ 1 Kings 19:11-13 

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

 

Back to Square One

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Chaos, Future, UncertaintyLeave a comment

One thing that I absolutely love about Samaritan’s Purse is the time of devotions we have in the morning. There is something unexplainably wonderful about soaking the start of your day in prayer and adoration of the One who is the very foundation of the organization, and truly, our lives itself. We start every morning with 15mins of devotion time, followed by another 15mins of praying for each other’s needs – sharing one another’s burdens if you will. Today was no exception.

The day began with a very special speaker. I’ve heard her speak twice to date and both times she made sure she hit the nail on the head! Today, she shared with us from the book of Isaiah, quoting chapter 6, verse 8, where Isaiah responds to a call and says, “Here I am. Send me.” She went on to expound on identifying the call that the Lord places in our lives and our God-instilled need to pursue that call. She challenged us to look beyond our need to create a sense of understanding and logic, to where God would use us next. She reminded us to shrug off our sense of security in the here and now, and keep our eyes firmly planted on the One who sees the bigger picture. If need be, we should get out of our comfort zone in obedience to what the Lord is asking of us to do.

For the most part this message challenged me. However, it also did an extremely good job of freaking me out. I had this overwhelming sense of uncertainty just pour over me. And just like that I was all too aware, that I was completely unaware about where I would be a little over a month from now. If you’ve read my previous blog posts, you would know that my position with Operation Christmas Child ends on January 26, 2016. That’s exactly 42 days from today. Compared to my previous times of waiting, I know for a fact that this time, I’ve done so much better. I have sought after the Lord, instead of seeking after my future. I gave Him first place in my life, and He gave me an unexplainable sense of peace. In this particular season of waiting, He truly became my anchor and my support system. But today, as the speaker challenged us to go wherever the Lord is calling us, I stopped to think about where God was calling me. And I realized, I had no clue – None whatsoever! I don’t know where I’m headed from here. I am convinced that the Lord is not calling me back to India… well, not yet at least. All I know, is that I love Jesus, and I adore children, and I will do whatever I am able, to bring them both together. Right now it means to share my story of receiving an Operation Christmas Child shoebox in India in 1999, and encouraging more and more people to pack shoeboxes as a tangible way of following Jesus’ heart of bringing children to Him. But what after that? I was back to square one!

I went back to my desk this morning with almost an overwhelming sense of dejection and – what’s the word I’m looking for – helplessness! As I sat down to start my day, I lay my head in my hands and finally shed a tear. You’d be amazed what crying a little can do for your soul. I lifted my voice in prayer, asking the Lord to help me never doubt His faithfulness in my life. He has never let me down to date. There is no reason why He’d start now. I asked for faith to look beyond my limited vision. I wiped my tears, put my earphones in and began working.

Then, I heard Chris Tomlin sing sweetly into my ears – “You’re a good, good Father, it’s who You are. I am loved by You. It’s who I am. You are perfect in all of Your ways to us.” As I hummed along, I was reminded all over again that God is my Father, He has nothing short of the best in store for me. Even in times of uncertainty, especially in times of uncertainty, His goodness is undeniable. And for now, resting in that understanding is more than enough for me.

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

Help Me! I’m Desperate!

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, Uncertainty2 Comments

I’m going to start off by saying that God is good. He knows the hearts of His children and He knows how to meet them at their point of need. He did this for me and I know He will do it for you too.

Many of you know that I am currently employed and absolutely LOVE what I do. I adore the organization I work with and I am convinced without a shadow of doubt that God placed me here and there is purpose in EVERYTHING He does. That said, I should also acknowledge that the position I am in right now is temporary and as January comes to an end, so will my employment. But I’m not afraid. Not any more.

Before I accepted this position, I was in a waiting period that lasted 7months – Seven excruciatingly painful months of waiting! In those months I did everything that was expected of me. I did my part. Yet, nothing worked out for me. I started applying for jobs in December 2014. I followed up with applications and put in more in February. I applied for my OPT and got my paperwork done earlier than I needed to. I did everything right. I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted a full time job that would sponsor an H1B. Actually, I didn’t even want the employer to sponsor me. I just wanted them to be open to the idea of sponsorship. I told myself if that happened, God would work everything else out.

In those seven months I laughed at the irony of having 6yrs of work experience, two master’s degrees and still being completely incapable of securing a job. I cried at the helplessness of being an international student and having nothing more to offer than an average American citizen. I was mad at the complete lack of response from companies and organizations I applied to. I was frustrated with potential employers who conducted hour-long interviews only to turn around and tell me that they didn’t want to hire me because of my visa restrictions. I prayed desperately, almost begging God to take me back to India, but He told me I had to stay here – in a country where I was an “alien.” He laid it on my heart to make America my home… at least for the moment. That knowledge frustrated me even more because now I knew I had to stay in this country but I had no clue as to how I would.

I tried to stay encouraged. I smiled and I applied for more and more jobs. I told everyone who asked that I was trusting the Lord. I told them He was in control. But in the stillness of the night I felt like a complete failure. I felt like an idiot who couldn’t get her act together. I cried myself to sleep every other night and the nights I didn’t cry, I hardly slept. I became desperate. I was willing to do any job as long as it had to do with my education. I took my list of “conditions for employment” and threw it in the trashcan.

In my utterly desperate state, tears flowing down my face, I fell to the ground and surrendered EVERYTHING to the Lord. For the first time in those 7months, I asked Jesus to have His way. I told Him I’d take whatever job He would give me. Temporary. Part time. Whatever He would say, I would do. Wherever He would send me, I would go. No questions asked. I didn’t lay out for Him the importance of finding a full time employment; neither did I point out to Him my need for an employment visa. For once, I just trusted that He knew best.

Then it happened. One day, an angel who shall remain unnamed (you know who you are), fought for me. Her kindness toward me and her persistence toward the position opened the doors to Operation Christmas Child for me. For a moment I hesitated because taking up a temporary position would mean that I would go through a waiting period again. But I was reminded by the Psalmist when he said, “In You our fathers trusted; they trusted and You delivered them” (Psalm 22:4). God’s deliverance came AFTER His people trusted Him. Not the other way around.

With that, I walked into my position as a Media Relations Associate. From the day I started working there, to this very day, I have LOVED every single moment of my employment. Regardless of what I do – perhaps I’m just sending out an email, or I’m recording who is doing what interview and where… I know that there is a greater cause. God knew that to me, only two things truly mattered – Jesus and children – both of which are wonderfully fulfilled at Operation Christmas Child.

Even though I have less than three months of employment left, I know I have played a role in planting the seeds of Jesus’ love in the hearts of children around the world. I am happy. I am content. I’m humbled and convinced that God’s not done with me yet.

What is the point this post you ask? It is this – Sometimes, God has to bring us to extremely desperate seasons in our life for us to stop, and just completely trust Him. If I didn’t come to a point of desperation, I would not have obeyed the Lord in serving Operation Christmas Child. Even before I knew it, Jesus knew that I loved children. Even before I knew it, Jesus knew my heart. He knew my need. When I humbled myself because of my desperation, He gave me the best. By mid-December, I would have travelled to six different cities, addressed gatherings of 200 youth, done three radio interviews, addressed a church on a televised program, and flown to California (yes!), all of which will point people to the needs of children around the world, the greatest need being to hear of the love of Jesus.

In your desperation, remember, God may just be fine-tuning your ears to pay attention to His voice.

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

My Future – My Idol

On By Rachel ChadalavadaIn Future, UncertaintyLeave a comment

If you know me, you will know that I have been job-hunting since February this year. Some doors never opened, and some that opened, shut tight. As long as I was in school, I still had my Graduate Student Assistant position so I wasn’t worried or frustrated about not finding a job. And then, I graduated! I was happy, ecstatic, and jobless! Surely I would find something. Right? Evidently not!

I tend to be a planner. I like to know when and where my paycheck is coming from. I like to know where I am going, what I am doing. I like to be in the know of things. Apparently, that’s not how God works. After I graduated, the pressure of finding a job obviously went up and being an international student, I had only 90 days to find one. With that understanding, came the revelation that the lease on my apartment was up and I had to move. Without a job, a place to stay, or any income whatsoever, I was in a helpless state of affairs. I moved to Miami, Florida to stay at a cousin’s place while he and his family were out of town. 

My friends and family would agree that I am a rather patient person. I don’t get agitated very easily. So I felt I was justified in getting frustrated over my lack of employment, despite seeking after it for 7 months (February through August). I felt I did everything right. I began applying early. I prayed over every application I sent. I was faithful in applying. I did everything right. Then why was the Lord making me wait?

I was getting tired of people’s words of wisdom. “All in God’s time.” “God blesses those who wait.” “Good things happen to those who wait.” “They that wait on the Lord will renew their strength.” “God has a plan for you.” I know they meant well and were only trying to encourage me but it didn’t help my frustration. Rather, added to it. Why was God making me wait? Where did I go wrong?

So I decided to take it up with the Lord. My friends were finding jobs that they really wanted and would thrive in. They all seemed to have a plan. They knew where they were going. Me, not so much. It seemed unfair. I opened the Bible and I read. I spent time every day seeking after the Lord trying my hardest to see what He was trying to teach me. Evidently there was a lesson that I hadn’t learned. I had no doubt that my future was secure in the Lord. I had no doubt that He knew what He was doing. What frustrated me, was that I did not know what He was doing! 

One day as I opened my devotional, I read, “An idol is anything that takes God’s rightful place.” And everything began to make sense. The lesson that I was being taught over these past several months was just that. I had made my job seeking, my idol. Every waking moment I thought about my future. Every spare moment I was hunting for jobs. I even sought after the Lord ONLY to see where my life was headed. That was my mistake! How was I so blind to see that? I focused all of my energy on seeking after my future, and what’s next, instead of keeping my eyes on the One who holds that future. I had made my future, my idol. I let it consume me, so much so I was getting anxious and couldn’t sleep at night constantly thinking about where I was headed. 

If you are like me, waiting to see which door God is going to open for you, don’t fret. He’s got your back! Spend some time on the lessons that I learned and am still learning, that God might be teaching you as well.

  1. Is God #1 in your life? That’s His rightful place. Don’t give it to anyone, or anything else (Exodus 20:3).
  2. God is interested in your heart and what your heart seeks after (Jeremiah 17:10). 
  3. The Lord knows your need and if you look closely, you will see His providence. Do you have food, shade, and clothing? (Matthew 6:26-34).
  4. Your actions speak louder than your words. If you say you trust God and are still fretting over what will be, you probably have a little more trusting to do (Proverbs 3:5).
  5. God does have a plan for your future. It is for your good. It is for you to prosper. He will fulfill His plans (Isaiah 46:10).
  6. Seek the Lord. Seek Him not to find out what your future holds. Seek Him, to know Him. He’s worth seeking after (Matthew 6:33).
  7. Lay out your cards on the table. The Lord is concerned about you. He won’t dismiss your worries (Psalm 55:22).
  8. The waiting itself isn’t as important as the process of waiting. You are being refined. Embrace it. God never leaves His work incomplete (Philippians 1:6). 
  9. God sees the bigger picture (1 Corinthians 2:9).
  10. God has the best in store for you. Does anyone love you more than Him? (John 3:16; Romans 5:8; John 15:13; John 10:10).

While I do have a job now, once January gets here, I will have less than 20 days before I will need to leave America to go back to my country if I am not employed. Yes, I am still waiting. But now as I wait, my eyes are on Jesus, knowing full well that He is Lord (Psalm 46:10). 

So as you wait on the Lord, remember to “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you” (Deuteronomy 31:6, NASB).

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!