Have you ever felt like the ground below your feet was suddenly pulled away? Like someone sucked the air out of your lungs and in an instant your whole life was topsy-turvy? Well that about sums up my past two days.

Yesterday I found out that my name did not get picked in the H1B lottery. This means that my application will not even be considered for a visa and I will need to leave the country soon. While I have no regrets in returning to my country, my motherland that made me the woman that I am, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed.

When I came to America in 2013 I thought I was going to come, study and leave. I never thought this would be a learning ground for me. The Lord made it clear that He had a plan for me here that went beyond just attending graduate school. He opened my eyes to new experiences that I wouldn’t have known if I didn’t come here. When I moved to Boone and began working with Samaritan’s Purse, I was convinced that God called me here. He went ahead of me and created a position for me. He gave Samaritan’s Purse the courage and strength to fight for me. I didn’t have a single shadow of doubt that I was exactly where I was supposed to be. The way things were falling in to place, I knew that I would get my visa. I mean, why wouldn’t I? If God brought me so far, He’d definitely see it through. Right?

So you can imagine my shock when I found out that my petition didn’t get picked in the lottery. I was completely caught off guard! While I still don’t feel like God’s calling me back to India, I no longer trust what I “feel.” All I know is that He’s shut the door to America. While processing through what happened, I couldn’t help but ask – What’s the point of all of this? What did I even achieve living in America?

Until, the Lord brought His goodness back to memory. Living in this nation taught me –

1. What it means to be stripped of everything that is familiar to you and yet truly understand that through it all Jesus is enough!
2. That neither my employer nor my paycheck is my provider. Only God is my provider.
3. That waiting on the Lord is NEVER in vain.
4. What it means to sit back and watch the Lord carve out a path for you.
5. What it means to trust the Lord with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind and with all your strength EVEN when things don’t go your way.
6. That even when it doesn’t feel like it, God is still faithful.

As I struggle to focus on God’s purpose in my life and in my situation, I know that He’s still sovereign. I have a million questions buzzing through my brain and I simply don’t understand. But with Jesus by my side, I don’t have to understand. Disappointed as I am, for now, knowing that God knows exactly what He’s doing, is enough for me. I will trust His wisdom.

God is good.
God is faithful.
God is sovereign.
God is bigger than the lottery.
God is bigger than my H1B.

God is bigger than my disappointment.

When You don’t move the mountains, I’m needing You to move;
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through;
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You – I will trust in You!

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

#disappointedbutnotdiscouraged

India my love, here I come!