I never thought I’d find myself gathering the courage to write about this. For far too long I’ve let myself feel embarrassed and downright small over something that I wish I could control but sadly cannot. This post is my attempt to embrace my shortcomings and flaws, to stop being embarrassed about how I am created, to truly see myself as Christ sees me – Fearful and wonderful, and to raise awareness on basic sensitivity. A woman’s hair is said to be her “Crowning Glory” – So what about if a woman doesn’t have hair? Does she no longer have anything glorious about her?

When I woke up this morning, I had a big smile plastered on my face. Today was the day I would be annoyingly perky, getting on the nerves of anyone who hadn’t had their caffeine fix for the day. My hair was set right. My lipstick didn’t find a way to make it to my teeth. My pants fit just right, and boy did I look good! (Yes, I can be very vain sometimes!). I sat at the breakfast table and began chowing down my food whilst humming to Anthem Lights’ hymn mash ups – Y’all, if you haven’t heard them, you need to stop what you’re doing AFTER reading this post of course, and go check them out. They’re WOW! Anyway, a gentleman I met a few days ago passed by me and I gave him a polite, smiling “Hello.” He returned my greeting with this horrific question – One that I’ve tried so long to dodge: “Ma’am, please don’t feel bad but, are you wearing a wig?” I wish with all my heart that I looked at him and asked him to mind his own business, or even give him the deathly stare that would make him want to pull his own eyeballs out, or at the very least used my fork to not-so-gently force it through his thigh. Instead, I froze in my seat. All that confidence I finally built up over these years, came crashing down as I fake-smiled at him and answered, “Yes, I do wear a wig.” He just looked at me, obviously not expecting that answer, smiled a shocked smile, and changed the subject. How did knowing the answer to that question edify this gentleman’s life? Did it change his day in any way? No, right? Unfortunately, answering it changed mine. My precious perky high spirit came tumbling down into the dumps.

Alopecia isn’t something that’s talked about – at least not in India. We are perpetually obsessed with two things – A fair complexion and long, silky hair, neither of which I have. Heck, I’d be thrilled if I could barely cover my scalp. But that is a luxury I do not have. When I was 12yrs old, I fell extremely ill, the recovery from which left me putting on a lot of weight and losing a lot of hair. While controlling my weight is in my hands, losing hair or growing it, isn’t. I’ve tried Homeopathy, Alopathy, visited this doctor, tried that cream, and all of them left me staring at the mirror with a broken heart, a shattered self-confidence and a crushed spirit. I don’t think I have any more tears left to cry about this. I’m done.

Last year, I finally gave up on the dream of growing hair like a normal person, and shaved off whatever little I had left, to embrace God’s gift to people suffering from Alopecia – A wig! When I put it on, I was thrilled, not so much because of how I looked, but because of how I felt. I felt normal. I breathed a sigh of relief that finally, I would no longer have random strangers come and pitifully tsk at me for developing bald patches all over my scalp (True story!). I had my own inhibitions about wearing a wig. I wrestled with the idea for a very long time but I finally became comfortable with it.

I know that a lot of people have wondered how my hair made such a drastic turn around. Others have wondered how I never have a bad hair day. And still others have wondered if I wear a wig. For far too long, I was embarrassed about acknowledging it. But not any more. Today, I choose to hold my head up and believe with all my heart that it’s okay that I don’t have hair. It’s okay that I have obvious bald patches. It’s okay that I choose to wear a wig. Today, when that gentleman asked me about my wig, I hated the way that question made me feel. I hated how embarrassing that moment was for me. I realized that the only reason I felt as hurt as I did was because I was somehow embarrassed and uncomfortable with my choice. Why on earth should I be embarrassed though? If anyone should be embarrassed it should be people who choose to be insensitive toward other people. This ends today. Today, I take back the power.

The fact that I don’t have hair doesn’t take away from the fact that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, a girl made in the image of her Creator. It doesn’t discount the fact that I am sweet, loving and caring. I have a fun personality, a care-a-damn attitude, and a hilarious spunk. I’ve let Alopecia make me feel small for far too long. It’s time to look Alopecia in the face, kick it in its butt and say, I’m pressed but not crushed; Struck down but not destroyed. I’ve been blessed beyond the curse for His promises endure. Though the sorrow may last for the night, His joy comes in the morning!

As you finish reading this post, I have a few requests to make of you –

1. Please don’t feel sorry for me. I don’t feel sorry for me. You shouldn’t either. Plus, that wasn’t the point of the post.
2. Share this post with these hash-tags: #wonderfullymade #skinisonlyskindeep #takebackthepower.
   In a world that’s attempting to be “inclusive” let’s also be inclusive of people like me. If you and I don’t talk about it, who will?
3. Proudly post about your physical ‘flaws’ with the hash-tag #takebackthepower
4. Lastly, but most importantly, if you ever see my wig out of place, please tell me (in my ear).

The reason I chose to write this post today is because I felt that it was about time all of us shifted our eyes from what’s on the outside and focus on what’s on the inside. Because skin is only skin deep. True beauty lies within you. Everything else is superficial and temporary.

As I conclude this post, I want to jump off of Martin Luther King’s speech and say just this:

“I have a dream that one day, my children are judged not by what they look like on the outside, but by the content of who they are on the inside.”

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord!

#fearfullyandwonderfullymade #skinisonlyskindeep #takebackthepower