When you come to be my age, there are many things that will begin to annoy you. However, topping the charts is that one dreaded question – “When are you getting married?” Other questions similar to this one that are cringe worthy include, “How come you haven’t found a husband yet?” “Didn’t you find anybody when you were overseas?” Mentally rolling my eyes, I smile at all the uncles and aunties and my married friends who have now suddenly become aunties, and respond – “I’ll get married as soon as I find a guy.” “I don’t know why I haven’t a husband yet. If I knew, I’d fix it.” “No, I didn’t find anyone overseas. If I did, I wouldn’t still be single.”

Please don’t get me wrong. I understand that these questions all come from a place of love. But when put in this manner, the love seems to translate into an accusation of sorts that makes you feel as if, a) It is somehow your fault that a man hasn’t “found” you; b) Something is wrong with you because of which no one wants to marry you; and c) What you offer is not enough.

May I just make a blanket statement on behalf of all my fellow single ladies? At our age, we are single not by choice. While sometimes it is hard, most of the time we are okay with it. And you should be too. Unless you know a single, Christ-loving man, then you should totally introduce us!

When I was a little girl, I used to tell my dad – “Dad, you have until I’m 22 to find me a man. If you don’t, at 24, I will bring a man and introduce him to you as your son-in-law. You’ve been warned.” My dad may have thought I was a lost cause. Haha. My younger self would never have imagined that I would be single in my thirties. But that same younger self could not ever, in her right mind, imagine all that the Lord had in store for her. Caring for her sick dad. Traveling 15 countries. Living in South Sudan. Serving the widows, the orphans and the downtrodden, the poor and the refugees. What? The truth of the matter is, right now, in this moment, I am living my best life yet, although to many, I haven’t yet “settled down.”

Another thing that becomes a massive aspect with age is career. By this age I need to achieve this. By this time, I should’ve checked this off. I need to get to this level. I need to earn so much. I was talking to one of my best friends recently and she said to me, “Age is not on my side. I am not growing any younger. Time is running out and I’m still stuck here.” I agree that career is important and you should actively pursue having one. However, I often wonder, who sets this pace? Who creates these parameters? Who defines what you should be doing at what age? Each of our lives are so different. My struggles are not yours and your baggage is not mine. Your skills and mine are poles apart. So if we are so uniquely created and lead such specific lives, can we really create a standard operating procedure of sorts to determine what must be done when and hold ourselves to that standard, to the point where living up to that standard becomes more of a burden than a calling?

As I thought about all these, God laid this verse on my heart:

“But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord.”
I say, “You are my God. My times are in Your hands…”
~ Psalm 31:14-15a

I love how the Psalmist says, “But as for me.” It doesn’t matter how it is for anyone else. My times… my individual specific times, are in God’s hands. For someone like me who always has to have a plan and have that plan executed to the T, this verse is a stress-buster that reminds me that even though at times I feel like I’m lagging behind, ultimately my times are in God’s hands and in that lies my security and strength. When He knows what He’s doing, and His plans for me are good, to prosper and not harm me, to give me a hope and a future, I shouldn’t worry now, should I? Exactly. And neither should you.

My God is perfect.
His plans are perfect.
His timing is perfect.

When the time is right, I, the Lord, will make it happen ~ Isaiah 60:22

In closing I have to say – I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord.